Review Dump

Hey there Sports Fans!

So I realize that I’ve been M.I.A. constantly. It’s just who I am now.

I’m so far behind that most of these are from LAST SUMMER. What. On. Earth. So I’m  going to just dump a handful of short reviews on you.

The Bookstore—Deborah Meyler 

This book didn’t get a fair shake. I read it after Simon Vs. The Homosapiens Agenda and could NOT get into it after SUCH a good book. 

Maybe if I read it after a lacklustre book I would’ve liked it more?

It’s about a young woman working in a bookstore who gets dumped just as she was about to tell her boyfriend that she is pregnant. 

It was an okay book. 

deb

Dumb Witness—Agatha Christie 

‘Dumb Witness’ is about an old spinster who falls down the stairs and nearly croaks after she appears to slip on her dogs ball. 

Talk about my future, am I right? 

She is trying to solve who is trying to off her for her money. 

As always with Agatha Christie, a good whodunit! 

Sometimes when I read her books I’m like OOOOKKKAAAAY I GET IT. JUST TELL ME WHO DID IT. 

But this one held my attention and I liked the ending. 

dumb

The Bluest Eyes—Toni Morrison 

I hadn’t read a Toni Morrison book before this. I was told to read “Beloved’ because it was AMAZING. 

And somehow I got it into my brain that it was a sequel to another book that I didn’t have and didn’t read it and ended up reading The Bluest Eyes. 

Which I’m glad I did! 

I love her style of writing, I loved the character of Pecola, and I just wanted everything to be okay for her in the end. 

It makes me sad to read about people wishing away their features or wishing they had other features to make them more beautiful. 

I want to protect all the kids in the world from the world and what it thinks beauty is.

When I reality, we are ALL beautiful in our own individual ways. 

And I think Toni Morrison did SUCH a beautiful job with this narrative and I really enjoyed reading about lives like her characters who are so different from what I grew up with and what I even sometimes know today. 

It’s a book that’s good for learning things about the world and what’s what. 

toni

The Screwtape Letters—C.S. Lewis

My entire life I thought of C.S. Lewis as the guy who wrote Narnia and kids books and that was that. 

I’m really glad I got to know more of his bibliography as an adult because, here’s something I bet you didn’t see coming: 

He didn’t just write kids books. 

WHAT. 

I know. 

The Screwtape Letters is about two devils writing each other letters. 

It was interesting and cool to read letters where things clearly happened OUTSIDE of the letters that were barely mentioned. 

It was like reading real letters between two people and I liked that. 

It made me really think about the devil on my shoulder. 

And how little by little the devil can take us down, starting with something so small.

Interesting read. 

lewis

Never Have Your Dog Stuffed—Alan Alda

I was going to give this book away before reading it. 

Eventually I did, to my dad, but I read it first.

This book surprised me. I found it kind of boring at first, but as his story went on I got more invested in him. 

Not just as an actor, but as a human being. It was really cool to see where he came from, how his relationships with parents were, and it was so full of sage advice. 

I ended up really appreciating him. 

I’m glad I didn’t shelve this book any longer or put it in the “Never gonna finish reading that” pile where I was determined it would end up in the beginning.

alda

Sliding Into Home—Kendra Wilkinson

Where to start with this book? 

It was…exactly what you thought it was going to be. 

Bubbly, pink, and just okay. 

Kendra was a Playboy bunny who was recruited very young and spills the beans on things like feuds in the Playmate House, and talks about her sex life with Hugh Hefner. 

Which to me (and her actually) sounds pretty gross because it was like a revolving door. 

She was sweet, honest, and had only really nice to things to say about Hugh. 

Which. *shrug*

I don’t suggest this book to be honest because it was a fluff book that in the long term of life: doesn’t matter. 

Brutal, but really, what was I expecting? 

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Simon Vs. The Homosapiens Agenda–Becky Albertalli

Thiiiiiiiiis boooooooooooook. Myyyyyyyyy heeeeeeeeaaaaaaart. 

Simon is a teenager coming into his own, trying to sort out how to come out to his family and friends, and in general living the life of a teenager.

I love this book so much. I hugged it when it was over. 

My sisters all agreed that it ended rather abruptly for our taste. WE NEEDED MORE.

Beautifully written, lovely story, a mystery as to who he was falling in love with through email, and just all around greaaaaat book. 

Everyone should read this book. EVERYONE. 

I can’t wait to read the next one! 

simon

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened–Jenny Lawson

My friend who normally suggests incredibly upsetting (cough cough World War 2) books to me suggested this. 

Now, this has taxidermy on the front so you can imagine my dismay and skepticism at what I was about to walk into. 

But blindly walk into it I did and I was surprised as fuck and happily proven wrong.

This book was HYSTERICAL. I read it so friggin fast and loved every minute of it. 

This lady knows how to get you to wet yourself laughing! 

I enjoyed her tales of taxidermy collecting, how she terrorizes her husband Victor, and the way she talks about mental health and well being.

She’s lovely, fantastic, and a great writer.

Constant vigilance! jenny

The Time of My Life–Cecelia Ahern

I always trust that when I pick up a Cecelia Ahern novel that I’m going to like it. There’s just so much magic in her stories that I really love them all.

I also trust that I’ll cry like a little bitch and be devastated for days. 

Exhibit A: P.S. I Love You. 

I really like what she did with this story, it was quite fun.

Lucy finds out she has an appointment with her life. And her life is a physical human manifestation that she actually gets to MEET and talk to and stuff gets sorted out. 

He’s a very bedraggled person at first.

Which had me thinking, what would MY life look like if I were to meet her?

I decided this moment in time where Hermione is struggling to function in potions class in their fifth year.

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Hermione_during_Potion_class

Constantly being like “What the fuck am I doing? What is going on? Getting overwhelmed.” Hair is a mess. Attitude needs an adjustment, and I’m just doing too many things ALL the time.

I feel for Hermione. But she’s a badass bitch. And so am I.

That took a turn.

ANYWAY.

Very enjoyable from start to finish, great summer book. OR snuggly winter read under some warm blankets.

Constant vigilance!

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Pride and Pleasure–Sylvia Day

I love a good romance novel that 100% promises dirty sex scenes. 

I have a juvenile mind where I don’t find these scenes sexy: I find them absurd and a good gut laugh.

Like I laugh my ass off like they told a good joke. 

Man oh man. 

I’m going to die alone. 

Anyway, this is about an heiress (of course) who falls for a brick house of a man (of course) who is named Jasper (duh). 

Because obviously.

I actually really like Sylvia Days writing, and she spun a good yarn while still keeping with certain romance novels tropes but without making the tropes seem corny as hell. 

Not once did she mention anyone with an aquiline nose. Which now that I say that…what in the hell does that even mean???

Oh snap. I looked it up and it says “Like an eagle”. I had no idea! I thought it meant like perfect ski slope or something.

This. Changes. Everything.

Or does it? Probably not.

Constant vigilance! pride

The Sandcastle Empire–Kayla Olsen

I needed some young adult in my life after reading Lolita. 

WHOOOOOAAAA what a horrible way to phrase that.

And yet I left it so you could read it and be mortified with me and for me. 

You’re welcome.

Anyway: I love YA novels that have heart. And murder. Lots and lots of murder. And mystery. But mostly murder.

Is something wrong with me? Who knows. But this book was SO. DAMN. GOOD.

This book is about how Eden who had a pretty good life (talking good parents, nice house, just above middle class upbringing) until the revolution happened and then she was left with only a handful of relics and clues from her dad about where a secret island is. That which is a sanctuary to all those who reach it. Far from the horrible daily grind of living in a hellish world.

This book was part thriller, part female empowerment, and part suspense.

And I believe there was a hot ginger in there somewhere that had me happily trailing along through this book.

Read this if you were into The Hunger Games. Because it’s sort of like that but somehow more mature? I don’t know.

Can’t wait to read more! 

Constant vigilance!

sandcastleempire

Lolita–Vladimir Nabokov

How do I describe this book? How do I describe my experience with this book? 

It was confuddling. 

I loved it. And HATED it. I never want to read it again. I never want to TOUCH it again. 

I want to repeatedly stab it. While also suggesting that people read it?

It was confuddling because it makes you feel sympathy for a pedophile at one point because the 12 year old girl is being mean to him. 

Like. How does a writer even accomplish that??? 

Hats off to this guy because DAMN DUDE. I was bound and determined to hate this book because of its context (and I did). But I NEVER thought I was going to be like “Oh poor Humbert.”

Which made me audibly yell “WHAT?!” after I thought that and put the book down for a few days. 

It took me a long time to read this because I needed to take Soul Breaks. It was grossing me out and I needed to put it under Jeremiah Duncan (the ceramic pig I have on my kitchen table) and leave it there for weeks at a time. 

I have a wrinkle on my nose from scowling at it that I have nicknamed ‘Lolita’. 

Once again, this is a devastating and life ruining book my friend suggested to me because it was SO BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN YOU FORGET WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT FOR PAGES AT A TIME. 

Goddamnit. 

Constant vigilance!