Fifty Shades of Grey–E.L. James

Yeah. This one. I read this. Don’t judge me. My curiosity got the better of me.

This is what I read after like seven really great and interesting books (in their own rights).

My friend told me to forget what everyone told me about these books, about the bad writing, and disturbing sex scenes, about how wonderful it is and how sexy, and basically just erase my memory of months of opinions and make up my own mind about it. (Would you be able to? Because it took awhile.)

My singing teacher put this book down after reading the first page. And I deeply value her opinion, so you can imagine that I was terrified to read these books and, God forbid, actually like them.

My friend said that the characters were kind of funny if I can get past the bad writing and just skim the sex scenes. Also to not read all three in a row or I’ll want to die.

She was right. Kind of.

In my humble opinion:

This is not the worst book I’ve ever read. But it certainly is not the best. It’s not even really in the middle. It’s more like…I don’t even know. The writing was horrible, it was like I wrote this in the second grade if you hit me over the head with a two by four. That’s just the love parts though. Even second grade me would know that you couldn’t just get over a guy beating you (spanking is a form of a abuse that even Christian says he likes because of the punishment aspect of it. He’s not lightly spanking her, he’s got canes on his wall for Christsake.) and decide that you love him. It’s abuse dummy. Not to mention that they never talk out their feelings, they say they will, but they don’t. They just hump all the time. I’m not averse to sex scenes. I read romance novels, so they come up every once in awhile and I’m not setting the book on fire or wanting to vomit when I read it. I’m a grown up to a certain extent. (Okay, so I giggle through them like a 14 year old boy.)

The funny part about these books is that this woman can write the hell out of a sex scene. Sure, she repeats things like “he had me panting’ like four hundred times, that gets annoying, but other than that it wasn’t the worst sex scenes to read.  It was like research to me on what BDSM is about.

And I think I can safely say: it’s not for me. If someone put me in this situation I would laugh them out of town! And since I hadn’t signed crap to keep me quiet I would ABSOLUTELY tell my best friend this guy has some problems.

“Sex scenes”–Okay, maybe because they were strange and “erotic” they were the worst scenes because there was no love involved, but after awhile you really do just skim them so you aren’t annoyed..

Which is NOT what a book should make you do. Just so you know. Just so you’re aware.

Books should draw you in and make you enjoy the storyline so much that you forget that these are fictional characters and not real people.

This book didn’t do that.

It was barely readable. I think my eyes glazed over at one point and I was just looking like I was reading. I don’t think I’ve ever mimed reading a book before.

Read it, don’t read it. I could care less when it comes to these books. It’s really a personal opinion kind of thing. I usually find that people who aren’t big readers did enjoy it, but people who read a lot more thought it was awful.

I think I’m in the in between because I didn’t want to set it on fire, but if it was on fire I wouldn’t try to put it out.

If the zombie apocalypse really did happen, these would be the first books I would burn in the event of a power outage.

Just so future generations wouldn’t judge us when they see ‘Bestseller’ on the cover.

One thought on “Fifty Shades of Grey–E.L. James

  1. All I remember is that there’s one part where they’re doing it (heh) and when it’s semi-over, you find out he’s been wearing, like, a sport jacket and jeans the whole time. I’m sorry, but no woman would be able to maintain any sort of of arousal in that environment.

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