Today was a decidedly strange day out in the city. And naturally, the first thing I think of to do is share it with people. Because I need constant validation of my hilarity.
First: I decided earlier that I’m like Tinkerbell. Without applause, I die. Which explains why I need to post 78 times a day on Facebook. I need to have a media blackout on that. I’ve gone insane.
Second: I was sitting next to a (clearly) homeless man on the bus today, and he fell asleep, thus dropping his drink. Which…admittedly, smelled friggin’ delicious to me. Now, I know what you’re thinking: EW! What hell Allison, you want to drink from a homeless mans cup from a bus floor?! Well of course not, what’s the matter with you? I have standards. God. But I really wanted to hand him 20 bucks and tell him that I am so, so sorry for his loss of his rum and coke in the middle of day. And that I understood why he was punching the air after it happened. But alas, I can’t spare 20 bucks and I was afraid if I spoke to him he’d punch me. Next time I’m drinking our drink I’ll pour some out for my fallen comrade. …or instead of wasting it I’ll drink in toast, yes, I like that better.
When I was walking home I stupidly decide to get off the bus about seven stops early to enjoy a walk in the fresh air and rain, like a weirdo.
With my suitcase. Because as I said: I’m stupid. Needless to say I was sweating up a storm because Vancouver decided that it was over its blip of snow and I no longer needed to wear the extra padding. So as I’m walking up this hill I’m muttering like a crazy person when I start cursing the hill. My brain thinks it’s hilarious because my next thought was: Fuck this hill and the erosion it came in on.
This making me laugh the rest of the way up the hill. Good one brain! You got me!
So, I went to work, after changing from my big winter coat to my more reasonable (and fashionable) plaid cape coat that makes me feel like Little Red Riding Hood. I seriously skipped at one point because it’s so awesome. Then the rest of my day became fairy tale themed. A woman gave me three kinds of specialty breads at the store (hello, don’t take food from strangers. But uh heeello I’m a sucker for free food and bread.) and then as I’m walking home in the rain, no longer thinking of being LRRH, but more thinking how effin’ hungry I was and how dark it was in the street and how I couldn’t wait to eat the rest of that bread my brain decided to start talking to me again.
But this wasn’t the joke cracking jester from earlier.
This is the Gollum that lives in my brain. (I believe I have five main characters living in my head that make up my personality: Murphy Brown, Rhoda Morgenstern, Donna Noble, Rapunzel, and Gollum.)
Do you know what that bastard says to me as I’m walking by myself humming ‘The Cave’ by Mumford and Sons in the rain?
‘Who’s afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?’ in THE creepiest voice ever! What a bastard! Well then I started singing out loud because no one can kill if you have a song in your heart. So there.
And I totally ate all three giant buns from that lady. In one sitting.
Constant vigilance!
The Deranged Librarian 