A Storm of Swords–George R.R. Martin

Spoilers ahead for books and tv show

I’m re-reading the Song of Ice and Fire series because I’m a masochist. Oh rather, I didn’t read past the third book because the person I was rooting for to die does so in this one and I was satisfied enough with that that I stopped reading all the books so that no more of my favourite characters would bite the dust.

I was really, really, disturbingly happy, when Joffrey died. I usually don’t shriek with glee at someones death, but ohhhhh this sucker had it coming. Am I right?! I loved every delicious second of his choking to death.

Which is ironic since Jack Gleeson is such a sweetheart in every interview I’ve seen him in. I adore him. So when it happened on the t.v. show and the world erupted with joy I know that a ton of us were actually upset to see him go because Jack was losing his job that he played so SO well at.

I actually kind of miss Joffrey and his sadistic antics. I was really hoping that Sansa would get one good punch in, or that she had enough Catelyn Stark in her to seek revenge and kick some serious ass. But no. Sweet Sansa wasn’t the one to plot the death although she technically was the one to wield the weapon.

These books are great, huge, but great. I do like being in this world so I appreciate how large and in charge they are, but right now I really just want to be finished this series so that I can plow through a hundred books.

Long live the king.

jack bitchslap_joffrey

 

 

 

To Say A Little Word…

Here’s Gia:

Yeah, it’s scary to stand next to a shark with, like, thousands of rows of needle-sharp teeth. But at that moment, it was just a helpless, vulnerable creature that probably felt scared and lonely. Gia knew in her heart that the shark would not harm her.

Just to be sure, she said, “Don’t eat me, bitch.”

Gia, from A Shore Thing by Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi.

Yes. This is what I’m reading right now. And it’s kind of funny.

Keep Moving Forward

I’m heading out of my 20s in a couple of years. (Two to be exact. Well, two and a half to be ACTUALLY exact.) I have scars, I have tiger stripes (otherwise known as ‘stretch marks’), I have gained weight, lost weight, stayed the same weight for years, grown to 5 foot 6 and stayed there since the 8th grade. Hell, I’ve roughly been the same cup size since the 8th grade.

My body, in spite of its rather stubborn attitude on not making me like the She-Hulk in size or stature, has changed a million times over. My mind, thankfully, has also done so. I constantly look back and think “How naïve, you little bird.”. Not in a malicious or condescending way, more in an affable guider-of-the-spirit way.

If there is one thing I’ve taken from my journey as a human being and a soul, it’s that I am a human being and a soul.

Which means that I change. I change so much I’m not even the same person I was a month ago. (Which is good since she was jobless and couldn’t write a word beyond “Me like this book.”)

The one thing I’m not completely interested in changing, however, is something no one would really expect from me, I’m sure. It’s something people envy a lot and curse me for having and I get compliments from strangers on it. (Yes, it creeps me out.)

My skin.

I’m all for battle wounds and fluctuations in weight, but please, dear Lord, let me keep my skin wrinkle free. Note: This is not a vanity thing. I have no plans to alter the course my skin is on via medical surgery type things. I do moisturize, I exfoliate (but I also sleep with make up on and don’t wash my face for days because I’m an animal), I admire the smoothness of it and the natural glow it seems to have of its own accord, but I don’t sit in front of the mirror thinking “Goddamn, I’m a beautiful creature” for longer than any person should. (Although most people should spend at least 5 minutes a day saying that to themselves, it really boosts your confidence.). What I’m not appreciating is the dark circles ever growing under my eyes and the wrinkles that are trying to make friends with my forehead.

What an absurd part of my face to go first. Which clearly states that I frown, question, and make plenty of faces at myself and other human beings.

Here’s my only alteration I hope to make to my skin in the coming years:

If it is the universes plan (and natures, I suppose) to let my beautiful shell age then let the lines that appear be laugh lines. Smooth the creases from the frowns and bring forth the crows feet and dimples of a good laugh.

Aging is a privilege and I want to make sure I appreciate that to the fullest extent.

Keep moving forward.

Happy Anniversary!

4 years ago on this day (apparently) I started my blog!

It has been interesting to say the least, I love the comments from random people, the input, the love, the fact that I’ve heard from Cherie Currie and Kristen Johnston and I still can’t get over it!

Thanks for sticking with me and putting up with my tirades, insanity, and general delinquency.

Constant vigilance until the end!

Big Girl Panties–Stephanie Evanovich

I picked this book up solely because her name is Stephanie Evanovich. I love Janet Evanovichs stuff and I don’t know why I thought this would be similar (it’s not) and I thought she was her daughter. (Turns out neice.)

 

Even so, without once again, reading the back flap, I read this book cover to cover and really enjoyed it. I love not knowing what I’m getting into! It makes reading more of an adventure and less of a decision making process.

 

This book was about widow named Holly who is trying to regain her life. After the death of her husband she gained a lot of weight using food as her biggest crutch. Then she meets Logan Montgomery (writers need to get away from the last name Montgomery, am I right?) on a plane and after his obvious disgust at her body being pushed into the seat next to him they start talking and he finds out she’s not just a mass, she’s a person. As a fitness trainer for famous athletes he’s in the best position to get her back into her body and out of her head.

Naturally, they fall in love. It was genuine, well written, and lovely to read.

Until: It got dirty. It got dirty so fast that I had to take a beat and think “Does this say anything about S and M on the dust jacket?” Then remembering that I hadn’t READ the dust jacket I proceeded to do so. Nope. It’s exactly what I described. Funny thing is, the couple that’s seen as the raunchy spank happy couple seemed the most real and in love to me.

Enter: (double entendre, see what I did there?) All the words one woman came up with to describe a vagina while simultaneously trying to make her audience puke in their mouths a little bit.

Here are a few she came up with (and the worst of the worst):

1)Moist mound.

2)Damp mound.

3)Lush swells (that was actually to describe boobs.)

4)Velvety rim. (I’m dead serious.)

5)Wet cavern.

6)Sweet creaminess that was her essence. (I’m about to puke again.)

and DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!! My personal favourite:

7)Luscious junction.

This book gave me a good laugh, so it was worth it to read the cringe worthy sex scenes.

Constant vigilance.

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To Say a Little Word…

Here’s Kolya:

“Talent must be a fanatical mistress. She’s beautiful; when you’re with her, people watch you, they notice. But she bangs on your door at odd hours, and she disappears for long stretches, and she has no patience for the rest of your existence; your wife, your children, your friends. She is the most thrilling evening of your week, but some day she will leave you for good. One night, after she’s been gone for years, you will see her on the arm of a younger man, and she will pretend not to recognize you.”

Kolya talking to Lev, City of Thieves by David Benioff.

AHHHHHHHHHHH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! !

I need to set up a Google Alert or something for things like this. But I just wanted to let you all know (since I assume you are all huge J.K. Rowling fans like myself.) that J.K. Rowling AKA Robert Galbraith has a new book out!
LAST MONTH. I don’t know why she didn’t call me to tell me. I thought we were besties, but whatever.

It’s called The Silkworm, it’s another Cormoran Strike mystery and I’m so pumped to run to Chapters and shriek the entire time up until I finish the book.

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!!!! Goddamn.

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