A Dance With Dragons–George R. R. Martin

SPOILERS AHEAD. (I’ll warn you when it’s coming.)

Dun dun dun dun dun dah I’m never reading another of theeeeese. (Sing that in the theme song and you’ve got it right.)

So I’m a purest in the sense that when I read a series whether I’ve read the series before the new book came out or not I have to read the entire thing over again. This is in part because I like to read it all in one shot so that I get really attached to my characters and the storyline isn’t disjointed.

It’s also in large part because I’m the literal worst when it comes to reading a big series like this and all information falls out of my head the second I put down the book because I’m too excited to read other books.

This is a giant mistake when it comes to the Ice and Fire series. Huuuuuge mistake. Like I had to cut my GoodReads challenge down to 30 books this year from 85 because that’s how much of my time they take up.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Westeros, I love the characters, the storylines, the surprises and the tearjerking moments. But I’m not a giant fan of the long winded descriptions, political back and forth, and the fact that a handful of my favourite characters have bitten the dust. Ol’ Georgie boy has gotten a little out of hand when it comes to describing things. Sure, we haven’t been to this pub in awhile, but you really don’t need to describe the knots in the wood. Mostly because it sounds like every single pub we’ve been to with these books. And who in the hell gives two shits about what the Ironborns are doing? You didn’t have them much in the earlier books, why do I have to care about them now? Asha is pretty cool, but whoopidee fuck.

I want to know what’s going on with Catelyn, I want to know where Rickon is (why does no one care what happened to this kid?!), and I want to know if Sansa ever grows a pair. Those are my main concerns at the moment.

I don’t give two fucks what Davos is doing. He’s nice and loyal, but booooo radley, I don’t care.

….okay, so anyway, this has all led to my decision to not read the next book whenever the hell it comes out, right? I am NOT reading all these books again just because I have a bad memory.

Wrong. That bastard threw in a death at the end that I had to reread four times because I was like WHAT?!?! That’s the biggest betrayal I ever did see!!!! And I sure as shit didn’t see it coming.

…but I was glad it happened. I was.

 Super Spoiler coming so plug your ears:

Dah Dah Dah bunch of nonsense so you won’t skim and read it by accident and then hate me for life because it’s so epic that it’ll screw with your head la la la la la bingle bongle dingle dangle yickedy doo yickedy ya ping-pong lippy-tappy-too-ta.

The Watch killed Jon Snow!!! Huzzah!!! This death made me soooo happy, I won’t lie to you. Well, until it happened it made me happy then I was like ‘Ohhh no! If they killed him no one is safe!” But let’s be real here, no one is ever safe to that bearded jerk.

This person’s chapters were getting soooo dreary and whiny that I was like YES! DEATH TO YOU! MUAHAHAHAHA. When I reread the series I actually skipped most of his chapters because it was always the same stuff:

“My duty. I must do my duty. But ohhh she’s hot. Smooch smooch smooch. My duties, I need to stop, maaah duuutaaaaahs.”

Yup. Glad he’s dead.

Anywho….here’s a video for your enjoyment.


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