I read this article on HelloGiggles.com the other day that said something that really spoke to me. It was about not just how we view our bodies but how we talk to it, how we treat it, how we spend most of our time hating it and wishing it were different instead of appreciating what it already is when our bodies are always there for us to take care of us and never give up trying to.
Last night the thought “I’m not me. I’m not the right weight.” Popped into my head as I looked at my body.
Here’s the thing: I’ve been teetering between 160 and 190 for the last three years. Before that it was between 140-160. I’m 5”6 which means that I “should be” teetering between 135-145.
But I’ve been there. I’ve been that weight and I distinctly remember thinking “Ew.”
Not because I was hideous or gross. But because I could feel my ribs. I could see my knobby knees. I could fit into my little sisters t-shirts. (At the time she was 13.) In my mind I was too small. I was too thin. I wanted more curves and to actually look like a woman. And now that I actually do look like a woman my mind is still going “Ew.”
My entire life has been a constant thought of “Ew.” When it comes to my body. Sure, I get clarity every once in awhile and think “Hey hot stuff.” But mostly it’s “Ew.”
Now, I can go on thinking that about the body that has cared for me my entire life, the body that has tried to right every wrong I’ve put in there or virus or sickness, what have you, or I could start appreciating that this particular body has put up with my yo-yo weight, my barrage of hatred toward my soft chunky dimpled parts, my forgetting to eat, my waking it up before it was ready, my poking prodding and overall make up/beauty regime where I curse myself for having light eyebrows and no lips. I can appreciate that when I get sick my body is the one who is fighting the good fight, that it keeps on going even when I’m dead tired, even when I’ve been trekking through foreign countries and have run it off its feet, when I give it blister after blister and all it does is knit my skin back together after the hundredth time of this.
I can keeping thinking “Ew.” Or I can start saying “Thank you.” Because if there’s one thing in this world that I should be grateful for, it’s that I have a body that can do all of those wonderful things.
So what if I have cellulite or thinning hair, or back fat? God forbid I enjoy eating. If I wasn’t suppose to sit on my ass and eat then the good Lord wouldn’t have made food so delicious and books so fucking hilarious.
And for the record, I think I’m at the perfect weight because it’s making me appreciate how my body works and what I can do to help the old girl. It’s making me think harder about what’s going on here and how to view life.
So the next time I say “Ew” when I see something on my body I dislike, I’m going to change my thought into “That’s supposed to be there.”
It may be a ridiculous lesson, but I needed it.
Keep Moving Forward.
Here’s the article: