Keep Moving Forward–Tales from the E.R.

This year has so far not been my greatest start. This is what I get for making resolutions to take better care of my body.

Since I’ve been sick since December 18th (two flus, two colds, and a monster sore throat later) I’ve been holding off on the New Year. This isn’t how I wanted to start. But it appears that someone in the sky is hellbent on making any New Year Day that I choose be a bit of a chore.

Because this weekend was going to be my re-start button on that after I had finally felt like I kicked this last cold, it was evacuating my face, my throat was feeling better, and I wasn’t completely exhausted. However, I got this funny stitch in my side.

That funny stitch turned into full-blown “What in the mother of fuck is happening to my ribs!”. I have been coughing up a storm, so I thought that it was just that, then I was convinced it was because I popped a rib out and that all I would have to do was to go to my massage therapist to pop it back in.

Long story short: I ended up in emerg on Friday night. I couldn’t move, breathe, or cough without extreme pain.

My exact words when we hit hour 5 in the ER were “If this is just bronchitis I’m going to fucking lose it.” to my mother who was sitting and knitting beside me while I tried not to move in a bed or cough. Or breathe.

Epic story short: “Are you pregnant?” Chest x-rays, blood tests, 4 doctors, “Are you pregnant?”, a million angry nurses, “Your right lung is only working at half capacity..hmmm”, more blood tests because they believed I had a blood clot in my lung, 1 hour of 3 nurses trying to find a vein that won’t be a dick, 15 needle pricks later in various spots on my arms and hands, weird stuff that makes me insides glow so they can see if there is a clot; which also makes it feel like you peed your pants (I didn’t) and then CT scan. Oh, I forgot Barry. The magnificent nurse on Friday night that gave me pain medication so I could breathe, cough, and sleep. He looked like Kevin Smith. I love him. “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?” “Unless it’s immaculate conception, not bloody likely.” 11 hours in the E.R. over the course of 2 days.

I don’t have a blood clot, thank the sweet Lord.

I have pleurisy caused by my monster bronchitis and all the coughing I was doing. So now I look like a junkie for nothing. I was told to take Advil for the pain and the rest will eventually calm down and go away. (Last time I had bronchitis is lasted 3 months. Not okay.)

However, this is still a Keep Moving Forward because I know what’s wrong now, I can fix it and wait it out. (Even if I don’t like being on a bunch of Advil all day. “Why didn’t you take anything for the pain when you felt it?”-Snotty Bitch Nurse who wouldn’t look me in the eye at Triage. “I was waiting it out, it was just a stitch.” [Insert Mercutio “Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch; marry, ’tis enough. Where is my page? Go, villain, fetch a surgeon!”]

So instead of crying and being a little bitch while laying in my corner of the hospital, I decided to use that time to help heal others. No. I did not don a nurses outfit and give people pain meds. I did however, start doing some sort of mental outward healing and sending good vibes to Jean in the next bed (she is in her 80s and has cancer) and to Mr. Mitchell down three beds who as far as I know has diabetes, an insane amount of medications to take, and couldn’t feel his body when he called for help to come to his house. There were a handful of other people I sent healing energy to and it made me a little more calm to do so.

Which leads me to laying in my bed at home and tired of Advil popping already talking to my friend who is a Reiki healer, she did a long distance healing session on me, which I sincerely felt via head rushes, warmth, and a “ping” on my back telling me when she was done. It was really cool and I felt like my lung wasn’t in so much pain after.

The moral of this story is: Be your own health advocate, take care of your body, eat healthy, drink pineapple juice for your sore throat/cold, rest when you need it, wash your hands, cough into your shirt,  listen listen listen to what your body is trying to tell you. And trust in outside help. (I originally planned to let it go away on its own and tough it out.) Ask without shame.

And since I can’t quite start p90x3 like I wanted to in the New Year I’m going to go a lot smaller, and just walk outside and on the treadmill in order to get fresh air and move. That’s all that’s important, is for me to literally keep moving. I’ve been resting for a month, I need to get out or I’ll go completely insane.

So. Happy New Year, hope yours has been better than both of mine.

“Infirmity doth still neglect all office, Whereto our health is bound; we are not ourselves/ When nature, being oppressed, commands the mind/ To suffer with the body.”-W.S. Hamlet

KMF, Constant vigilance. [Reviews resume tomorrow]