I want to share something with you that I find very important. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to express myself about this particular thing for so long and this sums it up in one sentence. It’s a scene from a television show that has really helped me and made me think about a lot of stuff, self-judgment and my skewed views on my body, and it came from an unlikely source.
The Mindy Project.
The set up: Danny has seen Mindy naked for the first time (when they weren’t dating) and it’s the point where they are talking about it. They could have made this scene awkward and uncomfortable and provided jokes and shenanigans for every one, but what they did was one of the most poignant television moments and messages I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
Mindy has always been a dynamic and self promoter of healthy body image, she says she loves her body, she’s hot and exudes confidence at all times. Which makes this scene all the more special to me.
Mindy gets vulnerable and shows a side of her we rarely get to see. While she is still a confident person, she shows that even she has a skewed view on what men and people want from her. From what she thinks she should be like.
To be the typically perfect beauty standard of blue eyed, big boobed, and thin.
Danny says the most important thing I’ve ever heard to her and solidified my love for him and how to accept my body:
“You’re a woman, and that’s good. Look like a woman.”
There is no right or wrong way to look. There is only healthy and unhealthy.
As Mindy says, I fluctuate from being chubby and curvy. I like being curvy, but I would like to be fit. And sometimes I get jealous of people who are the typical beauty standard and get mad at myself for not being like them.
In my heart of hearts I know I am beautiful, I am a woman and I look like a woman.
But when my clothes are stripped off and I get to see what no one else does the bad thoughts take over:
Too much cellulite, gut could be flatter, boobs should be higher, legs could be thinner, slimmer this, slimmer that, tanner, higher butt, smooth lines on my back.
I stand there and judge myself because I think I should be different than I am. Because I think that no one will like what I have and that’s why I don’t put myself out there.
My personality is magical, and I’m a wonderful unicorn, but my packaging is all wrong and that’s why guys don’t ask me out.
I worry about this because I don’t generally meet guys, I spend a lot of time with my family, and when I do meet a guy it goes nowhere. I’ve even gone so far as to try to scare them off because How could anyone like this body when I have to talk myself into loving it?
So for Danny’s character to say something so lovely about body standards in one sentence? That changed so much of how I talk to myself and is something that I need to share, I just hadn’t found the words yet.
I might not have written this out as perfectly and thoughtfully as I wanted, but it was time to share this. It’s a constant struggle to find the confidence in my body and myself and I don’t want to think of it as “dealing” with this situation or thinking that I am supposed to be better than this body.
This body has done nothing but care for me, so to shame it constantly is being a traitor.