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Keep Moving Forward

I want to share something with you that I find very important. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to express myself about this particular thing for so long and this sums it up in one sentence. It’s a scene from a television show that has really helped me and made me think about a lot of stuff, self-judgment and my skewed views on my body, and it came from an unlikely source.

The Mindy Project.

The set up: Danny has seen Mindy naked for the first time (when they weren’t dating) and it’s the point where they are talking about it. They could have made this scene awkward and uncomfortable and provided jokes and shenanigans for every one, but what they did was one of the most poignant television moments and messages I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Mindy has always been a dynamic and self promoter of healthy body image, she says she loves her body, she’s hot and exudes confidence at all times. Which makes this scene all the more special to me.

Mindy gets vulnerable and shows a side of her we rarely get to see. While she is still a confident person, she shows that even she has a skewed view on what men and people want from her. From what she thinks she should be like.

To be the typically perfect beauty standard of blue eyed, big boobed, and thin.

Danny says the most important thing I’ve ever heard to her and solidified my love for him and how to accept my body:

“You’re a woman, and that’s good. Look like a woman.”

There is no right or wrong way to look. There is only healthy and unhealthy.

As Mindy says, I fluctuate from being chubby and curvy. I like being curvy, but I would like to be fit. And sometimes I get jealous of people who are the typical beauty standard and get mad at myself for not being like them.

In my heart of hearts I know I am beautiful, I am a woman and I look like a woman.

But when my clothes are stripped off and I get to see what no one else does the bad thoughts take over:

Too much cellulite, gut could be flatter, boobs should be higher, legs could be thinner, slimmer this, slimmer that, tanner, higher butt, smooth lines on my back.

I stand there and judge myself because I think I should be different than I am. Because I think that no one will like what I have and that’s why I don’t put myself out there.

My personality is magical, and I’m a wonderful unicorn, but my packaging is all wrong and that’s why guys don’t ask me out.

I worry about this because I don’t generally meet guys, I spend a lot of time with my family, and when I do meet a guy it goes nowhere. I’ve even gone so far as to try to scare them off because How could anyone like this body when I have to talk myself into loving it?

So for Danny’s character to say something so lovely about body standards in one sentence? That changed so much of how I talk to myself and is something that I need to share, I just hadn’t found the words yet.

I might not have written this out as perfectly and thoughtfully as I wanted, but it was time to share this. It’s a constant struggle to find the confidence in my body and myself and I don’t want to think of it as “dealing” with this situation or thinking that I am supposed to be better than this body.

This body has done nothing but care for me, so to shame it constantly is being a traitor.

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3 thoughts on “Keep Moving Forward”

  1. This is something I believe everyone who doesn’t have a typical ‘perfect’ body does to themselves – I know I felt this same way all my life!!! We can be our own worst enemies sometimes. I didn’t get completely naked in front of my own boyfriend for the first 3-4 years of our relationship, and things like him even MENTIONING showering together would bring up the worst feelings of anxiety and shame within me.

    I was so mad at life for making this situation a painful experience for me when I knew that this was a fun, bonding experience for so many other couples. But the few times we did shower together, with me trying to shamefully cover up all my body parts and maneuver myself so that I was not in his direct view, I didn’t feel comfortable at all. Even though my boyfriend has never once made a negative comment about my weight, and I know he loves me for me, I somehow thought that since I was judging myself so harshly, he would be too. This feeling of my inner shame lingered over our bedroom for a big chunk of our relationship… in fact, until the day I started self-love, and I realized I could just start loving myself through my judgmental thoughts about myself. I didn’t have to listen to them anymore! Nope, now I could replace them and “trade them in” for a loving thought! Now, I had taken my power back from those fearful thoughts that had made me hate my body for the first part of my life.

    I just wanted to share my experience with you because I can 100% relate and I know this was hard for you to write about. These feelings of body shame were a sad part of my life that truly damaged me. But I have begun to heal, and now, a year after self-love, I no longer experience ANY feelings of shame about my body at all. I can whip my towel off in front of my boyfriend now and not have a care in the world if he is looking at me or not. (and I am no skinny bitch, I am 190 lbs of solid GODDESS WOMAN!) THIS is true freedom, and this is why I am so passionate about the power of self-love!!! ♥

    I think it could be a blessing that you will discover your inner light by yourself, in a solo union, so that you can heal your issues with yourself before life brings someone into the picture to join you. Maybe you are not meant to struggle through these issues of self WITH someone, and that is why you still find yourself single? I think it’s all a part of your plan!

    I know that as soon as I started self-love, I started to receive a lot more attention from men that were not my boyfriend (and I was not actually looking for this attention). It’s like they could tell from my energy that I was sure of myself, happy, and confident, and I have been hit on more this year than in any other year of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Bottom line is, if you do not think you’re worthy of divine love, NO ONE will!!! SO DEMAND THIS LOVE to come out of you and to begin running your mind and life, and then watch the miracles occur. ♥♥♥

    1. It’s already happening! It’s so funny!!! Every morning this week I look in the mirror when I first wake up and I’m like Oh hell. You need to do something about that before it gets out of hand! And then I look out the window and there is the same bird sitting on the roof every day. I know it’s the same one because it has the same markings. And I take that as a sign that someone is watching over me and sending me love (I love birds even though having them near me freaks me out haha) and I think “Ok. You just woke up, no one is going to look fantastic in the first ten minutes. You are still wonderful no matter what you look like.” and keep moving. THANK YOU for sharing your story, that’s how I feel all the time and I’m so scared to share that part of me with someone else. The fact that it took you years WITH a partner who is loving to still overcome this gives me hope. And I agree that it is my path to do so without one first! I keep getting signs of that now too that I’ve asked the universe for help. This literally popped up on my pinterest randomly! It says “Date yourself. Take yourself out to eat. Don’t share your popcorn at the movies with anyone. Stroll around an art museum alone. Fall in love with canvases. Fall in love with yourself.” Magic!

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