Keep Moving Forward: Fembots Have Feelings Too.

This week has been so overwhelming that I finally snapped last night after my lessons.

Now, I’m not someone who cries easily, it takes a lot to get me to bawl my eyes out and have an anxiety attack. So that should show it’s been a tough month.

We had a couple of hard things to deal with as a family, and just confusing emotions all around, and with family visiting from Italy and friends wanting to spend all summer doing stuff, weddings and events, friends who rely on me to help them with their own anxiety, add on lessons, practice, finding time to write while also having a full time job of entertaining children for 10 hours a day, spending time writing on here trying to be inspirational and funny, making cross stitches for everyone and their mothers, and then throw in a work out attempt at least once a day on top of trying not to get sucked in by the internet, it makes for a pretty stressful (but fun) summer.

Not an excuse, just my life.

I don’t think I’ve looked Doomsday in the eye for a month, guys.

Or seen my dogs that much this week besides seeing Goose on the stairs in the morning looking pathetic. I don’t even know what Artie looks like these days.

I’m fucking exhausted. Which if you’ve seen me in person and notice that not only am I not bothering with eyeliner anymore (one of my staples), but that my hair is thrown up in to some hot mess of a bun or braid, or the fact that nothing I wear lately even remotely goes together, you’d notice.

So when someone points out that you are slacking in some areas of your life while you had already been thinking that the one thing you are passionate about, the one thing that you want to be doing with your time, you were missing out on because of all this other stuff? Things don’t really go so well.

While Giles was not trying to make me feel bad while explaining that I needed to find an extra half an hour a day to suss out what I’m doing with my piano, he did. And to be 100% fair to him, he was being nice about it. Didn’t curse at me, didn’t talk down to me, didn’t throw a blunt object at my head. A nicer person in such a situation you couldn’t find.

And that’s probably what it upset me so much. He just had to be kind, didn’t he? That fucker.

It was the straw that broke the camels back and I ended up crying in my truck for an hour before I got home.

First I was pissed off. Then annoyed. And finally just broke down in tears because he basically made me feel like shit because I wasn’t giving a portion of my life enough attention. While pointing out that other people were making time for it. Other people were finding that extra half hour. Other people sell their beds and make room and are absolute perfection.

That’s not the point of this.

The point is that you only get to see small portions of people lives.

So don’t be a dick.

Okay, that wasn’t the point either.

I took the time to really think about what he was saying and how it extends passed my lessons and into what I had already been feeling this week.

I get being passionate about things. And the fact that I haven’t found the time to write this summer is actually eating at me more than not finding the time to practice piano. It’s actually the real reason I started crying. I don’t have time for my normal outlet and I feel like I’m walking around with all my pieces sewn together with silly string. The tears were just writing coming out my face instead of my hands.

Other people are encroaching on my time and while that just seems like an excuse to some, it’s not. My daily routine normally allows for that half hour and these past few weeks it didn’t.

I probably should’ve suspended lessons for the summer so this wouldn’t happen, but whatever, I’m not completely psychic.

Anyway, this is all my backwards way of summing up that I’m going to be dropping some things the rest of the summer in order to give attention to the important things.

Bye bye internet.

The internet is my biggest time suck and I need to detox anyway. I find myself aimlessly looking at Pinterest for hours, or online shopping and then ending up emptying my cart anyway.

Why not just cut myself off? Those are the hours I could be spending writing.

Which means for a couple of weeks I’m going to be taking time off from writing here. As much as this is one of my favourite things I’ve been dropping the ball anyway and it’ll be better to start up once things are all sorted.

I’ll also be saying bye to social media after this weekend. Aimlessly wandering around on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, or even Etsy, is essentially pointless.

So on this last day of us talking for a while I just wanted to say a few things to you:

There is always something you can do to help yourself. And while punching people in the throat is fun, I think that there are more constructive ways to go about that.

Like tossing them down the stairs. More limbs to potentially injure. Just kidding!

Take care of yourself, treat yourself with respect and speak kindly. Sort out the things that are wasting your time and keep going.

And if you are the person pointing out that someone is slacking in an area of her life, make sure you’re nice about it and not comparing them to other people. Everyone is different and some people are actually trying their best even when it looks like they are fucking everything up.

At the end of the day you are responsible for how you spend your time and no one should tell you how to spend it.

Try your best and forget the rest.

That’s a Paw Patrol quote. Thank Marshall for that one. That’s the pup in charge of fire safety. And I know that because I spend 10 hours of my day with children.

So I know what I’m talking about.

Keep moving forward. See you when I see you. And remember, it’s okay to cry. Tears are just your allergic reaction to horseshit.

For the record, Giles wasn’t being an ass, he is passionate about music. Obviously. And seeing other people not having a hard on for music is probably the equivalent of me seeing people who don’t read. What is this nonsense you speak of? Does not compute. Does not compute. Traitor to the throne! Traitor to our Queen! Exterminate! EXTERMINATE! ….I don’t know why we just became Daleks.

Bye Felicia.

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Happy Five Years Guys!

Hey little ducks!

I just got a notification that I have officially been writing on my site for 5 whole years.

Now, I know I don’t have the biggest fan base out of any blogger I’ve met but I have more than I ever thought would be interested in my ramblings and nonsense and for that I thank you!

Thank you for sticking with me for these five years and your kind words and your nonsense sent back to me. And in general putting up with my lack of posting or paying attention to what I’m doing on here!

So grateful!

Constant vigilance! And here’s to another 5 years!

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Fool Moon–Jim Butcher

My brother implored me to keep reading this series, but I really don’t think it’s for me. It’s slow going and even though Harry Dresden is a decent character who is real during supernatural situations, something is missing from it and I can’t place my finger on it.

Could be that I’m just used to another wizard named Harry and wanted to be back at Hogwarts instead of this place where things are normal until they really, really aren’t.

In this second coming of Harry Dresden we are introduced to werewolves.

It was an okay book, just not for me. I probably won’t continue on with this series.

*Shrug*

Keep Moving Forward: Hey sister, Soul sister.

I mentioned earlier this week that I’ve been doing some self love stuff.

Now, I’ve been following the lights one of my friends is leaving on her path, I’m not sticking completely to her road since I like to make my own, and I know that following other peoples journeys isn’t mine, but here is her link if you want to follow her and become a Starlit Soul! 

So, I’ve struggled with the normal things like self doubt and self esteem issues, body issues, being a lady, being a tomboy, being a nerd, and just plain old being human. It makes sense that at some point I would start looking for something that would make me feel more connected to the earth, that would make me feel more alive and just… well with the world.

I’ve always been interested in soul stuff, I am a Catholic, I love God, I love love, I love the universe and all it’s brought me. I don’t denounce my religion in the least while I’m searching for other ways to connect myself mind, body, and mainly spirit to the universe. Just sayin’, you can be into your religion and still practice these things because they are just making you more attached to the good stuff and making you a better version of yourself, which is what God is looking for, yes?

So, while I’m not completely like HEY GOD LOOK AT ME AREN’T I A GOOD GIRL?! HEY GOD! HEEEEEEY GOOOOOOOOOOD! I’m still like Yo, bro. See what I did there? Thanks for helping.

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I’m just using the tools the big guy gave me. Which is me and the earth.

I have been working with crystals, not intensely, but I’ve been testing out their magical powers. They do not glow. Just so you know. Which is kind of disappointing. But they do make me feel better, some intensify my energy, some sooth it, and all just make me feel more connected.

Can I say “connected” more? Haha.

Anyway, all of the trying-to-get-magical-powers aside, I’ve been working mainly on affirmations and self healing via self love.

I’m a negative person in my mind when I talk to myself, I’m not particularly kind when I look in a mirror at what I’ve done to my pet body, I yell at myself when I’m working out and calling myself names.

So what do you do when you can’t even stand yourself anymore? When you are bullying yourself to the point of depression, weight gain, blah blah blah? (Old record screeches.)

Toss some glitter bitches.

Reading Heathers stuff it made me see the similarities in how we were treating ourselves and that we were heading in the same direction towards this our entire lives.

While she was quietly contemplating her own self esteem issues and confidence, I was quietly doing the same.

I’ve never properly fit in with people, and in a sea of faces that barely registered my specialness here was a soul that pinged with mine when we were teenagers and even though circumstances led us down different paths away from each other, we’ve somehow met back up on this road. It was inevitable.

I’ve often thought about a pivotal moment in my high school years that she was there to witness and partake in. (Likely without knowing it.)

I’m not so good with the mathy math, instead of studying I would write my friends notes and was far more interested in trying to get guys to acknowledge how pretty AND funny I am. (I’ve gotten over that.) So in the 9th grade, one of my most important moments came when I was FINALLY in a drama class. I was finally where I was supposed to be. I was doing something that made sense. And this all came to me as I was yelling jibberish into Heathers face, as she was trying to do that same, and laughing so hard my guts felt like they were on fire with purpose.

I’ve always known that if I had just stayed in that class that I would have gained more confidence in myself, I would’ve bloomed like a son of a bitch, and been more in tune with my body.

But I did this to myself and I was forced out of there into another math class because I failed and spent the rest of the semester having my mind be like “I’m just going to sit in the corner and talk about how stupid you are.”

My soul hid behind her.

It took me years to work through all of that and now I’m so grateful that Heather is back again and helping me to work through the damage that I did to myself all those years ago.

But to be fair, I failed the first math class with like a 48%…what kind of turd blossom doesn’t give a kid a second chance and extra credit when they are that close? Even my bitchy French teacher did that for me and she hated me and I hated her. So what the hell?!

Anyway…common sense aside, I was supposed to be telling you about my current self love healing technique.

Now, I have a handful of affirmations that I think are both hilarious and make me feel powerful.

“I am mighty.” Is one. And it both makes me think of being strong and Firefly. Which also makes me feel powerful.

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“I am powerful.” Obvious.

“I am Thor!” Okay. That ones a little off, but he is also mighty and powerful, so give me a break. And look at this guy? Don’t you want to feel as powerful as he looks?

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“I am fantastic!”

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And while affirmations are the greatest, I’ve basically taught myself this fun, and slightly flirtatious, thing that I do before I get into the shower.

And I only do this before I get into the shower because I’m already naked.

I start from the top of my head and work my way down to my toes and touch on every body part and tell myself either that I love that body part or something I love about that body part. And honestly? It feels like I’m flirting with myself, and it makes me feel good because I love me.

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Instead of focusing negative energy and thoughts at my body when I’m naked, I ignore those and think of stuff that is positive and loving.

That’s what I do for me, that’s what I do for my body and heart, and I think that’s what God would want. He’d want me to love every part of me! And I’m really starting to because of this.

Earth hippie warrior goddess glitter sparkle ramalamadingdong out!

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Keep moving forward. 🙂

Eh, What? True Story.

Okay, look, summer is busy.

Things fall through the cracks, and one of those things has been regular posting.

(*Insert Kim Possible ringtone*)

So what’s the ‘sitch?

What have I been up to since June 30th? (Whoops.) My family is visiting from Italy and we are having so much fun already and planning things for the rest of the summer.

So far, I have gone axe throwing, which was and is top of my list of favourite things I’ve done this summer already. There is nothing as empowering as whipping an axe over your head and embedding it into a wall with all your strength. Which I legitimately thought that I had zero until I was trying to pull it out of the wall and was told not to yank on it but rather move it up and down to get it out. …. … … Dirty. Just saying. But my mind is usually residing in the gutter, so yeah.

Then we went to the Mumford and Sons concert at Niagara-on-the-Lake, which at first I was like UUUUUGH. Because I’m an overprivileged kid and didn’t enjoy roasting in the sun eating ice cream and not being bright enough to remember water all day. (Then not getting out of the parking lot until 2 am because it was a mud pit.)

BUT THEY WERE THE BEES KNEES. Just never again watching a concert in a field. I’m not built for that.

BUT THEY WERE SO AAAHHHHHH.

Okay. So the rest of the time that I’ve been neglecting you guys I have been reading so that I would actually have something to review later on this summer. I have joined a book challenge (which I have posted about) and I think you guys should join me! There is still time to read 26 books by the end of the year after all.

Unless you guys have lives and significant others, unlike me most of the time. Haha.

What else? Oh. I’ve been doing some more self love injection (which also sounds dirty) and I’ll be talking about that on Thursday in a fresh KMF.

So, enjoy your Tuesday, I hope you guys are having an awesome summer already, and here’s your True Story Tuesday alongside the true story I just threw at you.

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