I’m often going on about what it feels like for a girl to be in this world. It’s hard, but there is something harder.
It’s something that I’ve noticed with people over the last little while and it becomes the most prominent when they are hurt.
It’s so easy to throw hate and spew venom at each other when we are hurt or upset. It’s so easy to bring up past hurts or pains to make someone feel bad, when in truth, you are the one hurting. It usually happens when someone is pointing out a flaw, fault, or accidental situation where you are the main culprit.
It’s so easy to retaliate with hate than with love.
Which is why I think we need to have a serious talk little ducks about how to react when someone comes to you with their feelings on something you did. (Or didn’t do.)
- Deep breath. Simple, to the point, take a deep breath and give yourself a clear head.
2)THINK before you react. No one says you have to respond to that persons thoughts right away. If someone comes to you to talk and you want the time they had to think about their words, then do the same. Take the time to think it over.
3)Don’t get mad. Get glad. This person came to you because you matter to them. If they didn’t come to you with their grievances about something that hurt them or your friendship, then you don’t matter to them. This is a Repair move, not a Tear the House Down move. [Yes, I stole the title phrase from a garbage bag commercial, don’t read into that too much.]
4) Bring tea. If you are emotionally stunted as I am when it comes to real life humans, I suggest having something in your hands for this conversation because (if you are like me) you tend to ball up and feel constricted without having something to fiddle with.
5) Use your words. Words are the most powerful thing on Earth. And how you use them matters too. Don’t say that one thing that will hurt that person just because you know it WILL hurt them. Use your words for good, not evil.
6) Be kind. Duh. Another person came to you with their feelings and you returned that with venom? That’s not very nice. You were taught this as a toddler, don’t be immature.
Don’t discount their feelings because you feel caught with your pants down.
7) Kiss and make up. Most important is actually moving forward and getting passed this topic. Don’t bring it up in a future fight. Don’t hold it over someone’s head. And move forward for both of you and your friendship.
Remember that if someone is coming to you with a jumble of words that sound like fighting words but are still saying something along the lines of ‘hey there friend, we need to talk’…they are actually saying “I miss you, this is me reaching for you to come back.”
Which is important.
That’s how real humans should fight. Treat each other with respect, treat each other with love, and most of all treat each other like the other one matters. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don’t say all the mean things you think you mean to say but are just mean to say.
You feel me?
Keep moving forward.