A Year of Pleasures–Elizabeth Berg

I literally bought this book because it has pie on the cover. That was 100% the reason.

And thankfully, pie did not disappoint.

This book is about a widow (common theme with my books these days) who is literally looking for simple pleasures in life in order to move forward from her husbands death.

With the help of the neighbour kid next door who helps around her house and her past friends who show up even though she hasn’t spoken to them in years, Betta gets through it.

This was a beautifully executed book. We could’ve been tripping over crippling sadness the entire time, and don’t get me wrong, there was plenty of talk of the dead husband, but you get to read and witness someone coming back to life and that’s such a beautiful thing to experience through writing because you don’t just SEE it happen, you get to awaken with their words as they talk in their mind as well.

I liked it, and I would read another by this author.

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The Longest Ride–Nicholas Sparks

More like The Longest Book.

Okay, it wasn’t long, but MAN it dragged on.

And I pretty much felt that everyone in this book behaved irrationally and idiotically.

(Which is probably explains why I’ve never been in love.)

They just ALL seemed to be doing stupid things. And don’t get me wrong, I love a good love story, and I was all for imagining Scott Eastwood in this role. Until I realized that this character, while being a smart bull riding farmer, was a complete tit.

Spoilers Ahead.

You get brained and nearly die bull riding, hospitalized, slow recovery, therapy for months, and yet you still decide to get back up there when all is said and done? All because your mom is going to lose the farm?

No. No way Scott Eastwood. You get a job! And not one that includes riding a wild animal that nearly kills you. (Characters actual name is Luke by the way.)

Then there is Sophia, who was kind of a whiny tit herself. She had this ex who was always following her and harassing her. Yet didn’t call the cops to be like “Get the fuck out of here!” And wouldn’t let herself have fun if she thought for a second that he was going to be there because he MIGHT cause a scene. MIGHT.

Then later her best friend (another shitty person) announces that she’s seeing Sophia’s ex and that he won’t cheat on her like he did Sophia and “please forgive me, I couldn’t help it.”

EVEN THOUGH SHE KNEW WHAT HER FRIEND HAD GONE THROUGH WITH THIS PERSON.

Yeah right you couldn’t help it!!! You’re a terrible friend and should be shot.

I had a hard time believing any of these people were real people. They all just seemed like morons who were out for themselves and just complete fuckwits.

The only characters I liked were the old man who was dying in a car in the snow and his “ghost/hallucination” wife that was by his side.

And I usually really like Nicholas Sparks movies and for the most part his books.

What a sad disappointment.

But I’ll still totally watch the shit out of that movie. Hello. Shirtless Scott Eastwood? Sign me up.

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Here’s some eye candy for ya. He’s literally just standing with a horse wearing plaid and I’m in love.

What is this magic.

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KMF: How to Talk To Pregnant Women

Hey guys, did you know there is a new kind of body shaming going on?

And it’s directed at super humans?

Which seems ridiculous, yes?

I am constantly hearing tales of how people are talking to pregnant women and not in a positive fashion.

When my cousin was pregnant with Carol I heard my family crack jokes about her being pregnant with triplets, talk about how big her ass was getting, and basically fat shaming a person who is working hard to grow another person.

Now, I don’t know if you have ever seen this, heard it, or experienced it yourself, but let me tell you something:

Pregnant women are still women.

They are actually super women considering they are making something with their body that exhausts the fuck out of them but they still get up and show up.

And people are criticizing them?!

My friend is pregnant right now and she keeps telling me how RANDOM STRANGERS are commenting on her weight and how she’s carrying her baby.

Look, she’s a tiny person; of course she’s going to look different than someone who is 5’6 when pregnant. I honestly think it looks like she’s carrying a beach ball under her shirt, whereas other people keep telling her she’s fat in the ass or something other shitty thing. So in my rage at all this I decided to give another lesson this week.

Here’s how you should talk to a pregnant woman:

  1. Don’t fucking mention weight gain. She’s GROWING A PERSON. A PERSON. WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU EVER DONE WITH YOUR BODY THAT’S THAT INTRICATE AND COOL. Nothing. Ever.

2) If you see that a particular part of her body is more robust than the rest, DON’T FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT. She knows guys. She knows and is probably crying about it and praying that it goes away when the baby gets here.

3) Treat her like the goddamn queen she is because it’s likely she actually feels like shit. Babies do so much crazy shit to a womans body that even offering her something small, like food, will be appreciated.

4) Feed her. I’m dead serious. Make her dinner, a snack, find her a cookie, get that girl some sustenance.

5) Don’t ever mention how much coffee she’s drinking. First off: None of your beeswax. You’re not a doctor, you know nothing. And secondly: That girl is tired. If she takes an extra sip or two, leave her alone. She’s building a human and you know you’ve needed more coffee for less.

6)Did I mention she’s tired? Don’t fucking comment on how she looks tired. Instead use your actions. If she looks like she was dragged backwards through a bush don’t fucking say it! Remember that old adage: If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it at all?

Give that girl some coffee and a cookie and trick her into watching a movie so she can sleep through it.

7) Tell her she’s beautiful. Because what she’s doing IS beautiful. And more likely than not, she doesn’t feel beautiful. By the end of her pregnancy she’s going to feel like a hot angry bear carrying her cub in her. Tell that bear she looks good. (Also don’t call her a bear. She’ll cut you.)

8) Ask her what she needs. More often than not people give what they think someone wants. Asking her what she actually needs is the best! Trust me, she’ll tell you because she’s too tired to fight through socially awkward nonsense. Pregnancy is truth serum.

9) Just because you would call your sister a fat whale while pregnant does not mean you should say something equally as shitty to a stranger. The number one concern my friend shares is that perfect strangers are the ones who say the shittiest things to her. So you, strangers, stop it! You don’t know this womans life! And it’s most certainly not your place to step in and say some shit. Unless you see her trying to physically injure her bump, fuck right off with your comments.

10) Never. Touch. The. Belly.

What is it about pregnant ladies that people think they can manhandle another person? Just because it sticks out doesn’t mean it’s not attached!!! She can feel that! And it’s creepy as shit to have people want to rub your belly. No pregnant woman ever has enjoyed strangers rubbing her like Buddha. She’s not a lucky charm, she’s a person.

Again, if you wouldn’t do it to your sister, don’t do it to a stranger.

Hope that helps! Go forth and be kind!

Also, if you see someone doing any of these shitty things to a pregnant lady, you stop them and buy that bear a cookie. You’ll be her hero and she’ll give you her baby as thanks.

Okay, she won’t do that, but you will have just made her day.

Keep moving forward.

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