KMF: How to Talk To Pregnant Women

Hey guys, did you know there is a new kind of body shaming going on?

And it’s directed at super humans?

Which seems ridiculous, yes?

I am constantly hearing tales of how people are talking to pregnant women and not in a positive fashion.

When my cousin was pregnant with Carol I heard my family crack jokes about her being pregnant with triplets, talk about how big her ass was getting, and basically fat shaming a person who is working hard to grow another person.

Now, I don’t know if you have ever seen this, heard it, or experienced it yourself, but let me tell you something:

Pregnant women are still women.

They are actually super women considering they are making something with their body that exhausts the fuck out of them but they still get up and show up.

And people are criticizing them?!

My friend is pregnant right now and she keeps telling me how RANDOM STRANGERS are commenting on her weight and how she’s carrying her baby.

Look, she’s a tiny person; of course she’s going to look different than someone who is 5’6 when pregnant. I honestly think it looks like she’s carrying a beach ball under her shirt, whereas other people keep telling her she’s fat in the ass or something other shitty thing. So in my rage at all this I decided to give another lesson this week.

Here’s how you should talk to a pregnant woman:


2) If you see that a particular part of her body is more robust than the rest, DON’T FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT. She knows guys. She knows and is probably crying about it and praying that it goes away when the baby gets here.

3) Treat her like the goddamn queen she is because it’s likely she actually feels like shit. Babies do so much crazy shit to a womans body that even offering her something small, like food, will be appreciated.

4) Feed her. I’m dead serious. Make her dinner, a snack, find her a cookie, get that girl some sustenance.

5) Don’t ever mention how much coffee she’s drinking. First off: None of your beeswax. You’re not a doctor, you know nothing. And secondly: That girl is tired. If she takes an extra sip or two, leave her alone. She’s building a human and you know you’ve needed more coffee for less.

6)Did I mention she’s tired? Don’t fucking comment on how she looks tired. Instead use your actions. If she looks like she was dragged backwards through a bush don’t fucking say it! Remember that old adage: If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it at all?

Give that girl some coffee and a cookie and trick her into watching a movie so she can sleep through it.

7) Tell her she’s beautiful. Because what she’s doing IS beautiful. And more likely than not, she doesn’t feel beautiful. By the end of her pregnancy she’s going to feel like a hot angry bear carrying her cub in her. Tell that bear she looks good. (Also don’t call her a bear. She’ll cut you.)

8) Ask her what she needs. More often than not people give what they think someone wants. Asking her what she actually needs is the best! Trust me, she’ll tell you because she’s too tired to fight through socially awkward nonsense. Pregnancy is truth serum.

9) Just because you would call your sister a fat whale while pregnant does not mean you should say something equally as shitty to a stranger. The number one concern my friend shares is that perfect strangers are the ones who say the shittiest things to her. So you, strangers, stop it! You don’t know this womans life! And it’s most certainly not your place to step in and say some shit. Unless you see her trying to physically injure her bump, fuck right off with your comments.

10) Never. Touch. The. Belly.

What is it about pregnant ladies that people think they can manhandle another person? Just because it sticks out doesn’t mean it’s not attached!!! She can feel that! And it’s creepy as shit to have people want to rub your belly. No pregnant woman ever has enjoyed strangers rubbing her like Buddha. She’s not a lucky charm, she’s a person.

Again, if you wouldn’t do it to your sister, don’t do it to a stranger.

Hope that helps! Go forth and be kind!

Also, if you see someone doing any of these shitty things to a pregnant lady, you stop them and buy that bear a cookie. You’ll be her hero and she’ll give you her baby as thanks.

Okay, she won’t do that, but you will have just made her day.

Keep moving forward.

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2 thoughts on “KMF: How to Talk To Pregnant Women

  1. YAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS! i actually had to tell my doctor once that i was doing well physically, but deteriorating mentally. people had me all paranoid that i was having twins. i told my doctor to just look me in the eye and tell me there’s only one human in there and i’ll be ok. she did exactly what i asked and went above and beyond by pulling out a portable ultrasound so i could physically see that there was just one monster inside of me. lol! also, a tip i learned from another lady: if a stranger touches your belly, touch their belly too. they’ll ask you what you’re doing and then you ask them the same. hopefully they’ll realize how stupid they’re being.

    1. Oh man! I would deck people if they talked to me like that!!! Which is probably what’s making me so angry about them doing it to someone in an emotional state! Good for your doctor though! And that’s a really great tip haha I’ll share that with my preggers friends haha

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