Happy Holidays!

Hello Puny Humans:

This will be our last post in 2015. Or not. I haven’t completely decided haha. But it WILL be our last post before Christmas. And I have something to say:

Be nice.

Bet you thought I was going to say something sassy. Nope. Plain and simple, from me to you this holiday season: Be nice.

Your parents driving you nuts and you are getting anxious? Be nice to them. They loved you even when you shit up the back of your diaper.

Family members making you want to drink until your liver cries for help?

Be nice. To your liver. If your family members are making you feel like shit because of who you are, what you do, or how you live your life? Be so Goddamn nice to them that they feel guilty. Hey, sometimes you can out-nice them with a super sweet backwards manipulative way of saying “You’re an asshole.” with a really good zinger that actually sounds like you are saying something sweet. I’ve learned that as long as your voice sounds perky you can say anything. (Retail was super fun with a “Go fuck yourself!” in the happiest tone people just waved back.)

Look, there is nothing anyone can do to you as long as you are nice to them. All their meanness or even just rude questions at the dinner table can all be pushed aside as long as YOU choose to be a decent human being.

So be nice even if it physically hurts because it’ll be over soon. And you can go back to your life where you basically ignore everyone and can relax by yourself. (Or so I’m telling myself.)

And if you can’t do that? Then at least go down in a blaze of glory so no one messes with you for years. Kudos to you for sticking up for yourself!

Just know, that I think you are great and cool and funny and that the way you are living your life is super awesome as long as you are happy! Which is what all humans should strive for.

Happy ___________ to you and your loved ones! (Fill in space with whatever you celebrate! You could just be celebrating that the new Star Wars came out or that Jennifer Lawrence is awesome. Happy Jennifer Lawrence Day everyone!)

Constant vigilance! Keep moving forward!