Review Dump

Hey there Sports Fans!

So I realize that I’ve been M.I.A. constantly. It’s just who I am now.

I’m so far behind that most of these are from LAST SUMMER. What. On. Earth. So I’m  going to just dump a handful of short reviews on you.

The Bookstore—Deborah Meyler 

This book didn’t get a fair shake. I read it after Simon Vs. The Homosapiens Agenda and could NOT get into it after SUCH a good book. 

Maybe if I read it after a lacklustre book I would’ve liked it more?

It’s about a young woman working in a bookstore who gets dumped just as she was about to tell her boyfriend that she is pregnant. 

It was an okay book. 

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Dumb Witness—Agatha Christie 

‘Dumb Witness’ is about an old spinster who falls down the stairs and nearly croaks after she appears to slip on her dogs ball. 

Talk about my future, am I right? 

She is trying to solve who is trying to off her for her money. 

As always with Agatha Christie, a good whodunit! 

Sometimes when I read her books I’m like OOOOKKKAAAAY I GET IT. JUST TELL ME WHO DID IT. 

But this one held my attention and I liked the ending. 

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The Bluest Eyes—Toni Morrison 

I hadn’t read a Toni Morrison book before this. I was told to read “Beloved’ because it was AMAZING. 

And somehow I got it into my brain that it was a sequel to another book that I didn’t have and didn’t read it and ended up reading The Bluest Eyes. 

Which I’m glad I did! 

I love her style of writing, I loved the character of Pecola, and I just wanted everything to be okay for her in the end. 

It makes me sad to read about people wishing away their features or wishing they had other features to make them more beautiful. 

I want to protect all the kids in the world from the world and what it thinks beauty is.

When I reality, we are ALL beautiful in our own individual ways. 

And I think Toni Morrison did SUCH a beautiful job with this narrative and I really enjoyed reading about lives like her characters who are so different from what I grew up with and what I even sometimes know today. 

It’s a book that’s good for learning things about the world and what’s what. 

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The Screwtape Letters—C.S. Lewis

My entire life I thought of C.S. Lewis as the guy who wrote Narnia and kids books and that was that. 

I’m really glad I got to know more of his bibliography as an adult because, here’s something I bet you didn’t see coming: 

He didn’t just write kids books. 

WHAT. 

I know. 

The Screwtape Letters is about two devils writing each other letters. 

It was interesting and cool to read letters where things clearly happened OUTSIDE of the letters that were barely mentioned. 

It was like reading real letters between two people and I liked that. 

It made me really think about the devil on my shoulder. 

And how little by little the devil can take us down, starting with something so small.

Interesting read. 

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Never Have Your Dog Stuffed—Alan Alda

I was going to give this book away before reading it. 

Eventually I did, to my dad, but I read it first.

This book surprised me. I found it kind of boring at first, but as his story went on I got more invested in him. 

Not just as an actor, but as a human being. It was really cool to see where he came from, how his relationships with parents were, and it was so full of sage advice. 

I ended up really appreciating him. 

I’m glad I didn’t shelve this book any longer or put it in the “Never gonna finish reading that” pile where I was determined it would end up in the beginning.

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Sliding Into Home—Kendra Wilkinson

Where to start with this book? 

It was…exactly what you thought it was going to be. 

Bubbly, pink, and just okay. 

Kendra was a Playboy bunny who was recruited very young and spills the beans on things like feuds in the Playmate House, and talks about her sex life with Hugh Hefner. 

Which to me (and her actually) sounds pretty gross because it was like a revolving door. 

She was sweet, honest, and had only really nice to things to say about Hugh. 

Which. *shrug*

I don’t suggest this book to be honest because it was a fluff book that in the long term of life: doesn’t matter. 

Brutal, but really, what was I expecting? 

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The Time of My Life–Cecelia Ahern

I always trust that when I pick up a Cecelia Ahern novel that I’m going to like it. There’s just so much magic in her stories that I really love them all.

I also trust that I’ll cry like a little bitch and be devastated for days. 

Exhibit A: P.S. I Love You. 

I really like what she did with this story, it was quite fun.

Lucy finds out she has an appointment with her life. And her life is a physical human manifestation that she actually gets to MEET and talk to and stuff gets sorted out. 

He’s a very bedraggled person at first.

Which had me thinking, what would MY life look like if I were to meet her?

I decided this moment in time where Hermione is struggling to function in potions class in their fifth year.

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Constantly being like “What the fuck am I doing? What is going on? Getting overwhelmed.” Hair is a mess. Attitude needs an adjustment, and I’m just doing too many things ALL the time.

I feel for Hermione. But she’s a badass bitch. And so am I.

That took a turn.

ANYWAY.

Very enjoyable from start to finish, great summer book. OR snuggly winter read under some warm blankets.

Constant vigilance!

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Lolita–Vladimir Nabokov

How do I describe this book? How do I describe my experience with this book? 

It was confuddling. 

I loved it. And HATED it. I never want to read it again. I never want to TOUCH it again. 

I want to repeatedly stab it. While also suggesting that people read it?

It was confuddling because it makes you feel sympathy for a pedophile at one point because the 12 year old girl is being mean to him. 

Like. How does a writer even accomplish that??? 

Hats off to this guy because DAMN DUDE. I was bound and determined to hate this book because of its context (and I did). But I NEVER thought I was going to be like “Oh poor Humbert.”

Which made me audibly yell “WHAT?!” after I thought that and put the book down for a few days. 

It took me a long time to read this because I needed to take Soul Breaks. It was grossing me out and I needed to put it under Jeremiah Duncan (the ceramic pig I have on my kitchen table) and leave it there for weeks at a time. 

I have a wrinkle on my nose from scowling at it that I have nicknamed ‘Lolita’. 

Once again, this is a devastating and life ruining book my friend suggested to me because it was SO BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN YOU FORGET WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT FOR PAGES AT A TIME. 

Goddamnit. 

Constant vigilance!

 

Slaughterhouse-Five–Kurt Vonnegut

I’m notorious for not liking classics at this point, yes? 

This one also joins the 3-star club. 

I’m also notorious for just blindly walking into a book instead of reading the dust jacket. 

Let me tell you what I thought this book was about.

Based off the title alone I thought this was about five people who survived some sort of grisly event in a slaughterhouse. My mind immediately thought: Holocaust. Because this just LOOKS like a book my friend would suggest and he always suggests Holocaust books to me because he likes to devastate my soul at least once a year. 

All I remember from this book is that I get a twitch from the sentence “So it goes.” now. 

What is this book actually about? 

The Holocaust. And the Dresden bombings. And so, so much more. Like alien abductions. 

The timeline goes back and forth and up and down and the main character Billy has PTSD and he gets married and has kids and travels back in time and yes. That’s the book. 

I read this back in January 2018 because I wanted to start the year off with a classic. I didn’t fully believe this was going to be about something so dreary. I’m always getting tricked into reading about the Holocaust. 

Even by me.

Go figure I start the year off with an event I hate reading in books because I’ve visited the Dachau concentration camp and my soul wants to throw up every time I think about it. 

And the books title is because it’s about POWs being held in a slaughterhouse…labeled ‘Slaughterhouse Five’. 

So I wasn’t totally off. 

Constant vigilance.

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Post Office–Charles Bukowski

How to describe this book? 

It’s…about the postal service. 

How did I end up reading it? I don’t know. It’s short? That’s all I’ve really got. 

Yet here I am reading a well known authors book about postal workers. 

And liking it. 

It doesn’t matter that I totally thought this guy wrote “Fight Club” (he didn’t, that’s Chuck Palahnuik.), or that I’ve never read anything else he’s written (totally thought I had. Book nerd problems.)

It was short but interesting somehow.

Yes, it went into the depths of the inner cogs sometimes, but otherwise, the characters were interesting and it was short enough you weren’t like “Okay asshole, that’s enough about this shit.”. 

He knows exactly how to tell a story and exactly where to end it. 

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The Bend in the Road–Nicholas Sparks

I needed this book after I read Marilyn Mansons book. 

I needed to scrub my brain for awhile. 

So this is (naturally) a romance about how a mans wife was ended in a hit and run, she was the love of his life and nothing will ever be the same. 

Insert: 

His kids hot teacher. Whoa whoa whooooAAAaaa. 

Okay it wasn’t exactly like that, but this book is just as you suspect it will be.

Heartbreaking and lovely and with a piss off ending.

Classic Nicholas Sparks.

Always with the piss off endings.

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This Savage Song–Victoria Schwab

Uuuuuuurgh. 

With joy. 

This book was soooooo fucking good. This was one of my OwlCrate books, and honestly, I’m so glad I got that box every month for awhile because it’s given me some of my favourite books. 

And this time it gave me a book series. Which was accidental. I didn’t realize (classic) that it was going to be a series and was like ‘Wait, what?!” at the end because it didn’t end where I thought it was going  to and left me wanting so much more. And then it was all “We’re a series!” and I’ve never been so happy since. (JK. JK. JK.)

But seriously over the moon about it being a series I can keep up with.  

A YA novel about humans and monsters co-existing in a sense. 

This was a beautiful tale of good and evil and how to fight the good fight while living in the grey area. 

It’s fucking Romeo and Juliet with monsters and it’s sooo fucking good. 

Talk about fan girl feels.