Lolita–Vladimir Nabokov

How do I describe this book? How do I describe my experience with this book? 

It was confuddling. 

I loved it. And HATED it. I never want to read it again. I never want to TOUCH it again. 

I want to repeatedly stab it. While also suggesting that people read it?

It was confuddling because it makes you feel sympathy for a pedophile at one point because the 12 year old girl is being mean to him. 

Like. How does a writer even accomplish that??? 

Hats off to this guy because DAMN DUDE. I was bound and determined to hate this book because of its context (and I did). But I NEVER thought I was going to be like “Oh poor Humbert.”

Which made me audibly yell “WHAT?!” after I thought that and put the book down for a few days. 

It took me a long time to read this because I needed to take Soul Breaks. It was grossing me out and I needed to put it under Jeremiah Duncan (the ceramic pig I have on my kitchen table) and leave it there for weeks at a time. 

I have a wrinkle on my nose from scowling at it that I have nicknamed ‘Lolita’. 

Once again, this is a devastating and life ruining book my friend suggested to me because it was SO BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN YOU FORGET WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT FOR PAGES AT A TIME. 

Goddamnit. 

Constant vigilance!

 

Slaughterhouse-Five–Kurt Vonnegut

I’m notorious for not liking classics at this point, yes? 

This one also joins the 3-star club. 

I’m also notorious for just blindly walking into a book instead of reading the dust jacket. 

Let me tell you what I thought this book was about.

Based off the title alone I thought this was about five people who survived some sort of grisly event in a slaughterhouse. My mind immediately thought: Holocaust. Because this just LOOKS like a book my friend would suggest and he always suggests Holocaust books to me because he likes to devastate my soul at least once a year. 

All I remember from this book is that I get a twitch from the sentence “So it goes.” now. 

What is this book actually about? 

The Holocaust. And the Dresden bombings. And so, so much more. Like alien abductions. 

The timeline goes back and forth and up and down and the main character Billy has PTSD and he gets married and has kids and travels back in time and yes. That’s the book. 

I read this back in January 2018 because I wanted to start the year off with a classic. I didn’t fully believe this was going to be about something so dreary. I’m always getting tricked into reading about the Holocaust. 

Even by me.

Go figure I start the year off with an event I hate reading in books because I’ve visited the Dachau concentration camp and my soul wants to throw up every time I think about it. 

And the books title is because it’s about POWs being held in a slaughterhouse…labeled ‘Slaughterhouse Five’. 

So I wasn’t totally off. 

Constant vigilance.

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Post Office–Charles Bukowski

How to describe this book? 

It’s…about the postal service. 

How did I end up reading it? I don’t know. It’s short? That’s all I’ve really got. 

Yet here I am reading a well known authors book about postal workers. 

And liking it. 

It doesn’t matter that I totally thought this guy wrote “Fight Club” (he didn’t, that’s Chuck Palahnuik.), or that I’ve never read anything else he’s written (totally thought I had. Book nerd problems.)

It was short but interesting somehow.

Yes, it went into the depths of the inner cogs sometimes, but otherwise, the characters were interesting and it was short enough you weren’t like “Okay asshole, that’s enough about this shit.”. 

He knows exactly how to tell a story and exactly where to end it. 

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The Bend in the Road–Nicholas Sparks

I needed this book after I read Marilyn Mansons book. 

I needed to scrub my brain for awhile. 

So this is (naturally) a romance about how a mans wife was ended in a hit and run, she was the love of his life and nothing will ever be the same. 

Insert: 

His kids hot teacher. Whoa whoa whooooAAAaaa. 

Okay it wasn’t exactly like that, but this book is just as you suspect it will be.

Heartbreaking and lovely and with a piss off ending.

Classic Nicholas Sparks.

Always with the piss off endings.

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This Savage Song–Victoria Schwab

Uuuuuuurgh. 

With joy. 

This book was soooooo fucking good. This was one of my OwlCrate books, and honestly, I’m so glad I got that box every month for awhile because it’s given me some of my favourite books. 

And this time it gave me a book series. Which was accidental. I didn’t realize (classic) that it was going to be a series and was like ‘Wait, what?!” at the end because it didn’t end where I thought it was going  to and left me wanting so much more. And then it was all “We’re a series!” and I’ve never been so happy since. (JK. JK. JK.)

But seriously over the moon about it being a series I can keep up with.  

A YA novel about humans and monsters co-existing in a sense. 

This was a beautiful tale of good and evil and how to fight the good fight while living in the grey area. 

It’s fucking Romeo and Juliet with monsters and it’s sooo fucking good. 

Talk about fan girl feels.

Death Comes to Pemberley–P.D. James

This is a decent “sequel” to Pride and Prejudice. 

Felt like it picked up right where we left off. And also kind of felt like Downton Abbey. 

I liked the writing, it was a more readable Jane Austen (I know, I know, what a shit thing to say, but we all know how it is to get through Jane Austen sometimes because of the language and time barrier. Yes. I know she wrote in English. Get a grip.) and the story was fun.

By this point in the story, Elizabeth and Darcy have been together for six years, they have some kids, and the Wickhams are back wreaking havoc. 

In that they found someone dead. 

It was a good mystery with beloved characters. 

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The Handmaid’s Tale–Margaret Atwood

*I’ll warn you before the spoiler comes* 

This is the first Margaret Atwood book I’ve even read. 

And damn dude. She came in hot! 

This book was hella compelling! (And far more well written than that basic bitch statement I just used to describe it.) 

As most of you know already this is a television show (of which I have not watched yet, but am planning on it.) and it was getting rave reviews. Which made me think: Hey. I should read that book before I watch the show. Get some context. 

I had no idea what the fuck I was walking into. 

No clue what this society was about, where this story was going, or what the fuck the characters names were. 

…and I still don’t. 

Just kidding! I really liked this book because while it wasn’t like thrill upon thrill, it was actually quietly compelling and a huge statement on feminism and society as a whole.

Just kidding again. I mean, I’m sure that was in there, but I never read into that stuff, I’m just there for the story. 

And the story was fucking timeless. I had no idea that it was based in the 90’s, I thought it was written in the 60’s because I genuinely thought that Margaret Atwood was older than she is. 

(Did I mention that this was the first time I’ve read her books?) 

Legitimately thought she was born in the 1920s. 

Like…she’s still alive. Thought she was long dead. 

I also keep thinking her name is Ann Margaret and I know that’s seriously fucking wrong. 

I’m not dumb, I’m just an idiot. There’s a difference haha. 

Spoiler Ahead:

Anyway, I really liked her writing, the story, where it went, and how where the characters ended up.

However, slight beef: She needed to actually finish the fucking story. All we see is that they are coming for Offred. 

They grab her…and then NOTHING.

 

NOTHING.

How dare you. How dare you Margaret Atwood. I trusted you. I had so much faith in where this story was going and you lowballed me like that. 

Ugh. So good though. 

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