The Long Hard Road Out of Hell–Marilyn Manson

“What the fuck did I get myself into?”

This is the thought that came up the most when I read this book. 

Look, I know who Marilyn Manson is. I’ve heard some of his music, I’ve read stories about what the fuck he gets into. I know he has beef with Justin Beiber about some t-shirts. 

I don’t know why I know that but I do. 

I know he was married to Dita Von Teese (who I adore.), dated Rose McGowan, and that he’s in general a pretty fucking weird guy. 

I didn’t realize how gross he was. 

This book was traumatizing in its brilliance, but also just gross because of gross things he did. He would scare me every other page with a startling pictures. Which I’m betting was the point. This guy is smart as hell and clever as a whip. And yes, for a while he was using his powers for evil and not good. But he took a long journey back to us (I’m sure he would resent that statement. Because who is “us”? The human race?)  and he’s finally becoming a human being. 

I think.

I don’t know.

This book was super messed up. His stories of his golden ages were really fucked up. As one would expect. 

And then he would hit you with a story of how it hurts that people would harm themselves or others in his name. And you’re like ‘You poor soul, let me hold you.”. 

Really think about it before you read this book. I didn’t . And I’m both worse and better for it.

It was intelligently thought out and executed in it’s contrasting unnerving you and making you love him at the same time.  

Constant vigilance.

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I, Bificus–Bif Naked

Oh Biffy. 

What has happened to you. 

All the things. All the good and all the bad. And all the in-between things. 

I’ve loved Bif since I was teeny little preteen and so much of my early teens was filled with her music. And I’m so glad to finally read her words on the things that happened to her. 

And SOooooooOOooooo much happened to her. 

Fuck. 

Just read this. It’s so goddamn good that I have no words for how good it is. 

I’ve literally tried to write extra paragraphs about it but I honestly have zero words. Just a feeling about this book. Like I want to grab her close and squeeze her tight.

So many bad things happen to people (duh) and she got more dollops than I have that’s for sure. Which makes me always feel like that Lady Gaga song “Come to Mama”.

Come to Mama. Tell me who hurt ya .

Constant vigilance.

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Scrappy Little Nobody–Anna Kendrick

Why is she the most adorable person to ever adorable? 

Just a really funny, well written autobiography about the kicky little life of one of our most favourite Hollywood actresses. 

Her stories were cute, and I really appreciated how honest she was about what it feels like to be an actress in the limelight. Like how all of sudden (because of Twilight) she was thrown into the light and everyone thought she was this rich actress because she was given dresses to wear to awards shows and how surreal it is to be in that type of situation and then have to go home to your tiny apartment that you share with your roommate and your cheap Ikea furniture and have to give all the jewels and the dress back the next day.

I really enjoy her awkwardness and honesty.

And her incessant joking about how Chris Pine is stalking her. 

I don’t feel the need to write a really long review, she can tell you all about her life in this funny book! 

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Summer Reads

Hello Puny Humans:

I have a pile of reviews building that go as far back as two summers ago. Yeesh.

Here’s the thing with life: Stuff happens to you and then other things are forgotten about.

These books weren’t one of those things, but reviewing them was. Typical me.

But here you go! Time to really start to catch up!

The Single Girl’s To-Do List–Lyndsey Kelk

A decent summer book, I gave it three stars which means it was just good and I would pass it on to someone going on vacation to read at the beach. 

It’s about a make up artist girl who gets dumped and goes on the classic journey of self discovering all people who go through heartbreaking time go through only to make it out on the other side happier and healthier. 

She makes a list of things she always wanted to do while in a relationship but couldn’t because she was being stifled without knowing it. 

The list includes a make over (she always wore leggings and plain t-shirts…nothing wrong with that!), and getting drunk, going on a trip, and other typical things like that that would make a cute Katherine Heigl movie. 

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The Wedding–Nicholas Sparks

When I start reading Nicholas Sparks books I’m always in a mood already. Y’all know what I’m talking about:

You’re looking for a romance but you also know someone is going to fucking eat it in this book in an unexpected way that just makes you mad in the first place because all you were looking for was a fucking romance novel that’s predictable and lovely with a dynamic couple that you just want them to be happy at the end. But no. Nicholas Sparks likes to fuck with us. 

He’s an asshole. 

However, I gave this 4 stars out of 5 which means I absolutely adored this book. Which means (and I can’t actually remember this) someone likely didn’t fucking die at the end in a real weird twist of events! 

So, this is a sequel of sorts to The Notebook (and if you never read that, you should because duh.) and it’s about Allie and Noah’s son Wilson who has let the romance die in his marriage and he didn’t even notice. His daughter is getting married and he’s finally facing the facts of his own marriage. It was a really sweet story, of course, and shows that you can make a comeback even from an indifferent marriage. 

I really liked the message of this book. A lot of people could benefit from this story. 

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Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date–Katie Heaney

This book is very special to me, and I’m betting you can guess why given the title of it. 

I always enjoy when I find fellow “weirdos” or people that I can actually relate to when it comes to stuff like this. 

This book was very well written, and hilarious, and made me feel a lot less isolated in my singledom. I am not alone in this compartment of life and that means so much to me. 

Even if I don’t actually know this person. 

(And if I know for a fact that this woman is now in a committed relationship because I follow her on Instagram haha. They look very happy together by the way! Gives me hope.)

Definitely read this even if you are in a committed relationship because it’s just such a great story/memoir on this woman’s life. And if you don’t know how to commiserate or even understand the single people in your life: this will help. 

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Melissa Explains It All–Melissa Joan Hart

Another unexplainable autobiography that I picked up at a thrift store. 

To be fair though: I was obsessed with Clarissa Explains it All and Sabrina the Teenage Witch when I was younger. 

Always have been dyyyyying for magical powers. Even if it’s not with a wand but with the tip of my finger. 

(That sounded pervy, but you’re with me.) 

Melissa Joan Hart has always been a favourite of mine, I’ve even watched ‘Melissa and Joey’ and genuinely liked it. (I don’t know why I said that like it’s a terrible show. It’s a hilarious and cute show.)

So why would I be like “Why would I read this autobiography?”…probably because I didn’t actually give two rats poops about the actual actresses life. Like I’m happy if she’s happy but I don’t need a background check, you know? 

But here I am. I’ve read the book, read her life, and now I DO give two rat poops about her life. 

Especially since she’s led an interesting and dynamic life. 

Who knew I would care so much that one of her boyfriend was a complete and total asshole? Or how happy I would be when she found the love of her life? Or that her families life would grip me so hard? 

I don’t know who I am anymore. But here we are and I loved the book. Even if you aren’t a fan, it’s an interesting behind the scenes of the movie industry. 

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FYI

Here’s my recently rediscovered heroine Candice Bergen:

“But, to my own surprise, I wasn’t much interested in marriage right then: my life was just beginning, not ending; I found I wasn’t ready to “live happily ever after.” Because once you find your prince, the story’s over. I had a lot to do first–places to go, people to see. I was too young to be closed in the castle. When marriage begins, life ends. Everyone knew that.”

Knock Wood by Candice Bergen (her autobiography)

See what I did in the title? Haha. Not only do I have to make the jokes I have to point them out so I can laugh with you. Murphy Brown joke! You didn’t watch her show as a kid wishing someday to be a reporter and fall in love with Frank?! What kind of childhood did you have?!

Who am I fighting with, I don’t know.

Constant vigilance!