Kids Books

George’s Marvellous Medicine–Roald Dahl

Sigh.

Here’s another interesting book by Roald Dahl. And wildly inappropriate for a kid. I have to keep reminding myself that these are not meant for Daryl’s age group (Being 3 years old.) . That they are meant for older kids. But I also don’t appreciate what this one was saying to that age group either.

This is about George. George’s grandmother is a bit of an intolerable shrew.

All this woman does is complain and treat people like garbage. She talks down to everyone, she yells at them, and is a complete and utter unappreciative …well…asshole.

So I don’t blame George for thinking that maybe the old hag could use something to make her more pleasant.

Thus he creates his ‘Marvellous Medicine’.

Which includes things from the kitchen, things from the barn, things from the bathroom. I’m talking perfume, horse pills, toilet bowl cleaner, various things from around the house.

Most of which aren’t safe for people to be ingesting.

Which is why I was like “Oh Hell no Roald Dahl. What are you telling kids here!!!” I could understand if it was like peppers or flowers or something that wouldn’t cause a person actual harm, but the list of things this guy included shouldn’t be anywhere near an old persons stomach. Let alone a kids hands.

It was supposed to be magical, but I just found it disturbing.

This guy. *Shakes head*

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Comedy, Fiction, Uncategorized

The Dollhouse–The Kardashians

Judge me if you will but I have a sick curiosity about books written not just by celebrities but collaborations. How do three people write a novel?

A better question would be: How much did these three women really contribute to this book? I’m betting there was a great deal of work done by a fourth woman on this.

Although I could totally see Khloe writing a book on her own. And Kourtney seems pretty put together business-wise and like she would just randomly be like ‘I’m going to write a book’. I guess the only one I don’t really believe did this is Kim. And that’s not because I think she’s dumb or anything like that, I actually think she’s quite clever and has a good head for business. (Yes, I am a Kardashian supporter, even if I’ve stopped watching the show.) I just don’t think she’s interested in writing.

That being said, I was, as always with books like this, surprised that I enjoyed even a quarter of it.

The book is based on the three girls lives, but they have made up characters for them. Naturally all with K names. But they are all working for their mother in a family owned restaurant, one who gets fame sooner than the others, one that gets pregnant out of nowhere, and the third who happens to like to make out with her step brother.

It was surreal. It was odd. But it wasn’t terrible.

Given that the writing likely belonged to someone else it was fairly good in that it had a lot of drama and frivolity without being completely over the top and idiotic.

And while I don’t see a sequel ever coming, it wasn’t the worst book I’ve ever read. It actually made me laugh. Like, a real laugh. Not a sarcastic one.

Good summer read for sure.

Konstant vigilance. (See what I did there?)

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Kids Books

Matilda–Roald Dahl

The kid and I, well mostly me, decided to start reading all the Roald Dahl books in his sisters room after I had read the Disney stories until I could barf. (And I love Disney stories.) I basically knew the entire thing cover to cover, and it had pictures, and it was heavy to hold, so I decided to move on to paperbacks.

As a kid who grew up in the 90’s I had watched the movie Matilda and prayed that someday I would get magical powers and be able to move things with my mind.

Reading the book now, as a 29 year old human, I have come to one conclusion:

I want magical powers and to be able to move things with my mind.

This book is (if you haven’t heard about it or read anything) about a little girl whose family is wretched and she ends up getting telepathic powers and decides to exact revenge for them being terrible people on them and anyone else who acts wrongly.

I liked this book, I like his style, I liked the story, I liked Matilda and Ms. Honey, and I loved that Hank loved it. He would get tired and ask for “Batilda” with a sigh like I was the one keeping him awake.

What I didn’t like however, was some of the cursing and the fact that Matilda’s parents were actually just going to leave her behind. And then let Ms Honey adopt her like it was no big deal to just get rid of their kid. Made me mad. But whatever.

Lovely book otherwise.

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Biography, Comedy

Why Not Me?–Mindy Kaling

As I’ve said before: Mindy is my spirit animal.

I had a theme going for a short time where I was reading books by thoughtful but filthy minded and mouthed women who tell it like it is and actually connected with me on a level some authors never reach with me.

Mindy always gets through because she isn’t ashamed to speak her mind.

I’m so grateful that someone like her exists to help me out of whatever self sabotaging stage or made up stage I’m in. Where I’m just going around and around in circles and finally there is someone to knock some sense into me.

This book is all about her life and her motto “Why the Fuck not Me?”. I love her writing and her stories, which made me fall in love with that phrase.

What on Earth makes me think that anyone is better or worse at something than me?

Why shouldn’t I be the one pursuing my dream of the week, month, or year. And why do I always let the naysayers and my inner naysayer bowl me over with their negativity thus leaving me where I started? None the wiser and with zero progress in my life.

Mindy takes you into her arms like a wise majestic creature from another universe and whispers in your ear in a deep Batman voice: “Why the fuck not you?”

I adore her and this book and can’t wait for more from her.

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Love Story, romance novels

The Longest Ride–Nicholas Sparks

More like The Longest Book.

Okay, it wasn’t long, but MAN it dragged on.

And I pretty much felt that everyone in this book behaved irrationally and idiotically.

(Which is probably explains why I’ve never been in love.)

They just ALL seemed to be doing stupid things. And don’t get me wrong, I love a good love story, and I was all for imagining Scott Eastwood in this role. Until I realized that this character, while being a smart bull riding farmer, was a complete tit.

Spoilers Ahead.

You get brained and nearly die bull riding, hospitalized, slow recovery, therapy for months, and yet you still decide to get back up there when all is said and done? All because your mom is going to lose the farm?

No. No way Scott Eastwood. You get a job! And not one that includes riding a wild animal that nearly kills you. (Characters actual name is Luke by the way.)

Then there is Sophia, who was kind of a whiny tit herself. She had this ex who was always following her and harassing her. Yet didn’t call the cops to be like “Get the fuck out of here!” And wouldn’t let herself have fun if she thought for a second that he was going to be there because he MIGHT cause a scene. MIGHT.

Then later her best friend (another shitty person) announces that she’s seeing Sophia’s ex and that he won’t cheat on her like he did Sophia and “please forgive me, I couldn’t help it.”

EVEN THOUGH SHE KNEW WHAT HER FRIEND HAD GONE THROUGH WITH THIS PERSON.

Yeah right you couldn’t help it!!! You’re a terrible friend and should be shot.

I had a hard time believing any of these people were real people. They all just seemed like morons who were out for themselves and just complete fuckwits.

The only characters I liked were the old man who was dying in a car in the snow and his “ghost/hallucination” wife that was by his side.

And I usually really like Nicholas Sparks movies and for the most part his books.

What a sad disappointment.

But I’ll still totally watch the shit out of that movie. Hello. Shirtless Scott Eastwood? Sign me up.

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Here’s some eye candy for ya. He’s literally just standing with a horse wearing plaid and I’m in love.

What is this magic.

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Comedy, Fiction

A Shore Thing–Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi

Okay don’t look at me like that. I know you’ve all read something that was this level of humiliating at some point in your life.

I’ll admit it, sometimes I can be a book snob. I looked down on this book because of who wrote it and what it was about. But let me tell you something about this book:

I liked it.

And she openly admits that she had help writing it and had someone helping her to keep focused on writing it. Which is likely why I liked it better than Fifty Shades of Grey. Snooki has actual grammar in here. She has her tenses in the right places and zero spelling mistakes. Which means one of two things:

1)She’s smarter than I thought. Or

2) She had an actual editor who was looking out for her.

Likely, it’s both. She was smart enough to get an editor to look out for her.

This pint-sized weirdo wrote a book that was both funny and ridiculous. And neither took away from the other. In fact, somehow it enhanced it into a book that I really enjoyed reading.

It’s about two cousins who are living life on the shore for a summer to find themselves two boyfriends by the end of the summer and to hook up as much as they feel like. It’s based on Snooki and JWwow and it was just as enjoyable (even more so actually) than the show.

Yes. I watched Jersey Shore. I needed to know what the hell everyone was talking about and why they were so addicted.

I went for the theatrics, I stayed for Vinny and Pauly D.

This book surprised me, and if it makes you feel better about my reading something by Snooki, it only cost me a dollar at the thrift store.

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Mystery, Uncategorized

Friday the 13th

Spoooooky day people. Actually, today is good luck for women for some reason! Don’t ask me where I read this, but I know it.

    I may have already given you a summer book list today, but since today is Friday the 13th and the end of the week, I’ll be doing an extra post as the weekly roundup!

So we looked at what I plan on reading, what I just finished reading and I’m in the beginning stages of reading ‘Crimes of Passion’ by Howard Engel, probably the best for a day like today. Nice weather but a bad luck day for some.

            What are you reading this weekend? What are your favourite scary books or movies?

Should I go see Scream 4 this weekend or stick with my creepy book?