Oh Hey 2019.

Hey there sports fans! Happy New Year! …-ish? I’m late. I know.

Do you remember me? It’s been two months since you’ve seen hide or hair of me on here!

As expected after November all Hell broke loose. Christmas season is a busy one for me and I had a lot of stuff that needed to get looked after instead of concentrating on posting anything.

Blah blah blah who cares now right?

It’s a New Year and no “New Me” shenanigans will be happening here!

I’m the same old inconsistent me! Ha!

Let me catch you up on all the fun things I’ve been doing for two months:

I moved my shop to a new instagram account (@derangedlibrarianshop) and my shop did well this holiday season! I always appreciate the business I get over the entire year and I hope to grow WAY more this year! (Although this winter is killing my hands with dryness and I really need it to stop it so I can actually MAKE all the things. That would be real great.)

Let’s see…what else? I’ve read a crap ton of books. Especially lately because I started a book club on Instagram as well! (@derangedbookclub if you want to join up!)

We pick a new book every month. We started with ‘A Simple Favor’ for December and January people could pick from three books after the vote. (I read all of them so I’m going to talk about all three on the next Instagram Live I do.)

The choices are: ‘Becoming’ by Michelle Obama, “This Will Only Hurt a Little’ by Busy Phillipps, and “We Are Going to Need More Wine’ by Gabrielle Union.

So if you want to see more of me then track me down on Instagram! I spend most of my online time there now!

I really think that’s it. Haha. Whoops. I mean, work, family time, life happened, but it’s not pertinent to this. I’m really happy about this book club business and thinking that I’ll finally use that to relay into a Youtube Channel.

Anywho! This week I’m going to try to post a book review every day because I’m still like two years behind! Ridiculous.

Hope y’all are having a great New Year already!

Constant vigilance!

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Happy Five Years Guys!

Hey little ducks!

I just got a notification that I have officially been writing on my site for 5 whole years.

Now, I know I don’t have the biggest fan base out of any blogger I’ve met but I have more than I ever thought would be interested in my ramblings and nonsense and for that I thank you!

Thank you for sticking with me for these five years and your kind words and your nonsense sent back to me. And in general putting up with my lack of posting or paying attention to what I’m doing on here!

So grateful!

Constant vigilance! And here’s to another 5 years!

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Good morning!

This week I launched my new Etsy store!

Sounds more glamorous than it was. But now you can buy my cross stitches or just stalk me even further!

Check it out at:

DerangedLibrarian

Order some stuff or email me about a custom, or hell, I’ll even cross stitch you a nerdy bookmark just because we’re pals!

Get the word out! Constant vigilance!

Here’s a little Norman to start your week.

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SIWIHS: Can’t We Stop Fighting?

Welcome to our newest edition of Shit I Wrote in High School. Lovingly named: Can’t We Stop Fighting? Yes. It’s another poem by 15 year old Alli. Again, you’re welcome.

“Can’t we just stop?

Stop this crazy sharade?

It’s gotten so ugly.

I can’t take it much more.

Our friendship is gone, its

gone down the toilet.

Why did you even bother to

purposely spoil it?

You know I wanna stop,

Stop fighting like this.

My life needs to be more,

I’m just gonna snap!

I can’t take much longer,

All this stupid fighting crap!

I can’t hold up this fight,

This battle is over,

Just put down the knife.”

Let’s talk about this for a minute, shall we? I wrote it out exactly as I had in the notebook I found, minus the fact that it was actually written haphazardly with a calligraphy pen. Yes. You read that right. A calligraphy pen. I thought I was bloody Shakespeare. Poor misunderstood precious-hearted little me. Besides the grammar that needed help (and probably still does) and the fact that I spelled ‘charade’ wrong, the thing that tickles me the most is that this poem not only badly rhymes, but I used the word ‘toilet’. And rhymed it with ‘spoil it’. Nailed it little duck, you nailed it.

It’s pretty obvious why I no longer invest my time in writing poems.

I love this so much I can’t even deal with it.

Send me your crappy writing (also loved that I used the word ‘crap’ in this.) at derangedlibrarian@gmail.com so I’m not alone in this humiliating amazingness.

Constant vigilance.

Sick as a Dog, But Not as Cute.

I’ve been so sick that I could barely get out of bed even though my dog was crying outside my door to be my friend. Migraines, cold, fever, you name it, I’ve had it this week. Clearly I was in some need of rest and relaxation. Unfortunately, I had just moved home and needed to get organized and whatnot.

So I’ve been fighting my OCD as well as my actual illness. The only semi-solace I got was in the laughter I got because of my fever hair. It was so messed up it was amazing, I needed to post them on Facebook.

Lucky for you, my little cousin was around to help me sort through some stuff and guess what I found?

Poetry. Pure, tweenage, distraught, poetry. Oh yeah. This is happening. AND I took a much needed walk into some fresh air to a thrift store today and bought some Stephen King books for 25 cents a pop, including the new Joyland! Whoohoo!

Here are some pictures of my week:

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Pretty ginger beauty right? These “selfies”, contrary to what is happening on Facebook lately, are not for breast cancer awareness or to show off my impeccable make up-less face to raise money. This is me being just plain old laughing at myself because I look insane.

What’s next? Oh right, I started a store on Etsy. There will be new stuff to come on there, but if you are looking for some dish clothes and pillowcases, feel free to order some! Look for DerangedLibrarian and you’ll find me (once again looking like a dork).

Are you ready? Are you now ready for our new segment: Shitty Things I Wrote In High School.

Please note I was insanely melodramatic when it came to poetry. Also. Go right ahead and judge me haha.

“Falling to Pieces:

Falling to pieces

All by myself

Falling to pieces

I put my heart on a shelf,

Try not to look at it as you walk by

Try not to look as I sit and cry.

Falling to pieces

All by myself. ”

A poem, by 14 year old, Allison Abate, DDS.

You’re welcome. Please feel free to submit your own shitty poetry or writing. Hell, if you have paintings, diary entries, or short films that you are still laughing at your seriousness over the topic, send them on over!

Constant vigilance.

Weird Vancity

It’s been awhile since I’ve written about my days in Vancouver. Admittedly, weird things happen to me on a daily basis, I’m just that kind of person. But for some reason, today was exceptionally weird and I thought that I would share it with everyone.

My day starts off with getting ready to go to a tattoo consultation (getting the old girl reworked, very excited about it) I put on a Johnny Depp t-shirt and then in a flash of honesty decide that I can’t wear a Crybaby t-shirt when I haven’t even watched the movie. Which leads me to dress like a Disney princess. Yellow 1950’s-esque dress, sparkle shoes, and mint belt, long blonde hair flowing down my back and my navy blue purse with birds on it. If you saw me today you would’ve been like ‘What in the heck? Where did this girl come from?’ your next immediate thought would be ‘Must be a portal from another ‘verse.’ (For non-Firefly nerds [who btw shouldn’t exist in any ‘verse] ‘verse is universe.)

Dressing in such a sweet way I was glad to turn heads. Validates my suspicions that I’m a super awesome person and blows smoke right up my vanity.

On the complete opposite end of that thought though, I would rather NOT be openly gaped at by a teenage boy for 35 minutes on the bus. Why couldn’t he have been like the man beside me who kept sneaking looks? This led me to happily oblige him in a staring match in which he demurely swiveled his eyes out the window. HA! I win! Win what, I don’t know. But it made me feel better that I made him stop staring by counter staring. Alpha dog.

Then the tattoo consult was amazing, even though I’m going to have to wait a million years to get it done. But I always love to meet fellow Lord of the Rings nerds to which my tattoo artist is. (Exclaimed happily ‘Is this elvish?!’ while looking over the writing on my ankle. If I was a touchy-feely person I would’ve hugged her just from having action figures of Legolas and Aragorn in her station. But I’m shy and awkward and mumbled Yes it is.)

After that it was another two bus rides of weirdom. I had to catch a lady who didn’t understand holding onto the rails. (She happily giggled at her play acting of being on a pirate ship…that’s at least what I was imagining as she’s stumbling around everywhere.) Finally I find an empty seat next to a man who looks like the brother of the murderer from Ghost. My brain decides that if someone saw us together they would assume that HE was a serial killer. And now I’m planning on a vicious novel where a sweet Disney princess looking girl is in fact a vindictive cold blooded killer. And no. She will NOT be an angel of death, poisoner, or husband killer. Nothing typical about what I’m going to write. (Hopefully)

The rest of my day was spent with a tiny Bolivian baby staring at me (which I much preferred to the Asian teen.) and then reading texts over the shoulder of a tiny Asian girl who thought it was ‘super awkz’ that some guy was on the same bus as her. “Awkz awkz awkz’ to be exact. And she ‘never liked him as a person’. I’m nosy like that. I’ve also decided to invest in a bunch of dictionaries and start handing them out to people who write like that.

I’ve never been more grateful to grow up in the 80’s and 90’s.

And the cherry on this bizarre day, walking home from the bus stop and I happen to look over and see a homeless man with his cart of goodies. I’m always curious as to what they have in their carts, what they think is worth saving. Well…this man had a treasure all right.

What did he think worth saving? Ten pictures carefully cut out from magazines of Jennifer Aniston. *pukes down front at the implications of said pictures being there*

The whole city smells of homeless and sweat. I had to have a second shower today because I stunk when I got home from OTHER peoples sweat and stink.

On the plus side. I found my favourite sparkle shoes in Payless. Weird day was worth it.