Body Positive Power–Megan Jayne Crabbe

I took my sweet time reading this book. I’d say about six months just because I wanted those lessons she was teaching in her book to really sink in. 

Now, I can’t remember word for word what she said, but the feeling of this book really resonates with me even still and I find it has changed my line of thinking.

When I start to talk to myself in a way that I wouldn’t have originally thought of as self deprecating or harmful I catch myself now. 

Why am I bullying myself? You can’t hate yourself into a body you love. 

Which was a big point in her book. 

You can’t be cruel and think you’ll end up happy. You can’t bash yourself and think that’s a form of self love because it’ll get you to a place where you love the end result of all your “hard work”.

But I don’t want my hard work to be a result of me bashing myself or constantly pulling at my body angry that it can’t be different just because I’m willing it to be so.

This is MY body. No one else has this body, so it’s important that I treat her with respect. 

And fuck am I ever happier about that. 

When my brain goes “Ugh. New stretch marks. Way to go fat ass.” I stop that in its tracks and think “So what?”. 

“So what?” is my new key phrase to body positivity. 

So what if I’ve gained weight to the point of new stretch marks. I learned to love the last ones, these new ones can be loved just the same. 

So what if I’ve gained weight at all? That just shows I appreciate food and relaxation. I know I’m not actually a lazy person, I do things ALL the time. I work hard, so I deserve the relaxation and comfort that comes from eating and laying down. 

So what if I eat a bag of chips in one sitting? I was fucking hungry to the point of inhaling it. I obviously NEEDED food.

I’m learning to listen to my body more. Not intuitive eat as a way of dieting. I will no longer diet. I’m done with that. (Hell yeah!) I will listen to my body on what foods it agrees with and which foods it craves. (And sometimes that craving is a goddamn apple! Who knew!!!) 

I want to get back to a place where I move my body for the joy of moving my body. Like when you’re a kid and you run because you love that feeling of being free and the wind whipping through your hair. 

And so what if I get winded halfway down the driveway. I can be breathless for the joy of it! 

I don’t want to punish my body into a body worth having. I want to enjoy the body I have because it was worth having all along. 

All the shapes and sizes I have been get a colossal “So what?”. 

So what, that was Past Alli. Present Alli isn’t too concerned about what size of pant she is wearing.

So what, that was Past Alli. Present Alli doesn’t want to give anymore energy or wasteful thought tangents on where her body SHOULD be. Instead living in the body I have now and being grateful that I am who I am and no one else is like me. 

So what if someone else bashes their body? Not only will I not internalize it to the point of thinking “Does that person think I’m fat and hideous because they think THEY are fat and hideous?” I will stop THEM in their tracks and tell them to stop talking to my friend like that. 

This book is so fucking important for all communities. It’s not only about body positivity and how Megan got to where she is, it’s about facts and figures and LGBTQ etc things, it’s about able bodied people (which is everyone. We all have bodies that are able to do stuff.) and it’s about how we value self worth. 

It’s so important. 

And so what if I don’t look like the girls in the magazines? 

We’ve risen up so much the girls in the magazines have come out to say “Me either.” 

Fuck I love this book. 

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Unbearable Lightness–Portia de Rossi

We all know Portia De Rossi. We all know that she’s a gorgeous actress with a head of hair that we would all kill for. (Or at least, I would.) She’s been in stuff like Ally McBeal and Arrested Development. She’s gay. She’s married to Ellen.

 And she used to be anorexic.

 Lowest weight she hit was 82 pounds. Gross right? This whole book is a look into what it’s like to be obsessive about weights and sizes. About what it’s like to be under the microscope and how much it affects people to be hiding a secret. (Like being gay.) She opens right up and lets it all out and it is both disturbing and amazing.

       Made me realize that I have an eating disorder. (And not in a hokey hypochondriac kind of way.) I’m a solid 190 pounds at 5’6 and the worst yo-yo dieter you’ll ever meet. Binge eater extraordinaire. Portia goes on to explain near the end that dieting is just another form of eating disorder. Dieting is restricting us from what we want and what we want to be. Eat what you want and listen to your body when it tells you that you are full.

 She gives some amazing advice and lets you in on the struggles that she went through. This really changed my way about eating. (It’s okay to eat fries and chips as long as I remember that I can eat them any day of the week, so it’s not on my mind all the time. Exercise is torture. Find activities that you like to do. Like walking the dogs. She explains that knowing that she is making a difference in another living creatures life is an important part of her day and she truly enjoys it more.)

 Deeply changed and I thank her for that! I’ll be listening to my body more often from now on.