Biography, Thrift Store Saga

Through the Storm–Lynne Spears

You read that right. I read Britney Spears’ moms book.

The funny thing about that is: 1) I could care less about anything Lynne Spears has to say.
and 2) I found this book in a thrift store (surprise surprise) and found a ticket stub for a flight somewhere with a girls name on it from high school! And it turns out it was her book for real.

Tiny world.

Anyway, this book was the autobiographical musings of Lynne Spears and on Britney’s life and what exactly went down in 2007 when Brit Brit lost her shit shit.

It was actually really nice to read a book from her moms perspective and even though I’ll never know the truth of anything because I don’t actually know this family, it was nice to think that this was all the truth and that her mom was really trying to tell her side.

Overall: good beach book, semi-interesting excerpts from Britney’s life (if you’re a fan that is.), and Mama Spears doesn’t pull any punches. I wouldn’t recommend it outright, but I wouldn’t tell you NOT to read it if you were in the mood for something like it.

You know?

Constant vigilance.



Fiction, Teen

Ballroom Blitz

I’ve been pretty busy these last few mon–years. Things have gotten out of control and I’m only JUST starting to patch things together to make them workable.

One of those things being writing “reviews”, which at this point they are more or less just blurbs on like “Read it if you feel like it” and “HOLY HELL THIS BOOK WAS AMAZING”. Either way, things have gotten pretty laissez-faire around here. Which was my whole life until I realized that I needed to pull myself together because I’m reviewing books from last summer and I have no clue what to write about them.

Which is why I labelled this segment: Ballroom Blitz.

Because I’m going to throw a bunch of tentatively labelled “reviews” at you.

Bunheads–Sophie Flack

‘Bunheads’ was on my summer reading list last year it was a nice beach book for sure.

Not intense in content, but still a decent story and plot. It’s about ballerinas, one in particular, and you follow their story of competitiveness, heartbreak, life, and their need to dance.

It was really well written (unlike these reviews), and I look forward to finding something else of hers in the future.

Definitely take this on a trip with you.


The Invisible Ones–Stef Penney

This book was pretty decent given that I didn’t know what I was walking into. The plot centres around gypsies and their lifestyle, but only because one of them goes missing and a cop is trying to suss out what happened.

It was well written and I look forward to reading some of the authors others books.

I liked reading about gypsies, and I enjoyed the characters and the plot twists.

Definitely a good mystery for anyone looking for one.


The Night We Said Yes–Lauren Gibaldi 

This book was sent in one of my OwlCrate boxes, I was interested in reading it since it was all about how these people spent a night (you guessed it) saying ‘Yes’ to everything.

It was a silly story and definitely more for teens than even Young Adults. I’m neither, but still, it should’ve had a little more juice to it. It barely had any meat on its bones, and it was the first book from OwlCrate that I was really really disappointed in.

Handed it off to head to a thrift store. Hopefully some tween will enjoy it more than I did.


Next week will focus solely on Roald Dahl’s works.

Constant vigilance!



sTori Telling–Tori Spelling

Okay look…I can’t explain why I picked this one up. I had zero interest in Tori Spelling, her career, or anything that’s ever happened to her. I bought this at a thrift store because I like to read incredibly random biographies now. And this took the cake on random because I had never really given Tori Spelling a second thought.

BUT…I’m glad I read this.

I genuinely enjoyed this autobiography!

She was funny, self deprecating, and (felt like) completely honest about her love life, career, and relationship with her parents. She totally realized that she was a product of nepotism in her career and tried to steer away from it and work on her own without the help of her dad. (An exception would be 90210, but she auditioned and worked hard to get that role.)

I’m looking forward to reading more of her work because she’s actually incredibly funny.

This was a great summer read, it was quick, light, and made me feel like she was talking directly to me over a glass of mojitos.

And I don’t even drink mojitos.

–Constant vigilance.


Kids Books

Roald Dahl

The Giraffe, The Pelly, and Me—Roald Dahl

This book was short and sweet and so will this review be:

This was about a little boy who was introduced to his new neighbours: a giraffe, a pelican, and a monkey. They had just moved in and were renovating a house to be their business. They were opening a window cleaning business and the boy shows them a house that really needs it since there are several hundred windows and they all live happily ever after cleaning these windows.

It was short, which was good since there was zero plot for this kids book, and I liked it. It was cute and Daryl liked the bits about the animals.


James and the Giant Peach—Roald Dahl

Again, being a kid of the 90s I watched the movie version of this first and I believe I thought it was super creepy.

The book however was quite sweet. The story is, of course, that James’ parents die, he moves in with his terrible aunts, they mistreat him, magic makes a peach grow alongside a bunch of bugs in the area, and adventure begins as the aunts are bowled over by the oversized peach.

I really liked this one, it had funny jokes, wordplay, and I learned some interesting information on bugs.

Definitely a good book for any age child.


The Witches—Roald Dahl

Hey there, here’s another for the list of things not to read to children.

Firstly, I don’t know why the hell I thought Roald Dahl WASN’T going to be a big creep. The descriptions alone should’ve made me turn away from reading these to a two year old.

I mean, the book is called “The Witches”. I should’ve known.

But hey. Live and learn, right?

Short, creepy, and full of witches, mice, and mayhem, this book is about a kid who discovers real witches and learns from his grandmother how to fight them off.

The problem is: Witches look like any normal person.

In the beginning of the book Dahl goes on to give you a list of people who are likely witches, they are always women and could be anyone from your teacher to your mother to the person reading the book right now. And then goes on to describe how you can tell who is a witch and who isn’t.

The only saving grace I had working with this book was that Daryl would fall asleep pretty easily during it. And that I would use a witch hand to tickle him so that it wasn’t so terrifying.

Good for older kids I suppose.

If you hate them and want to give them nightmares.


Kids Books

Matilda–Roald Dahl

The kid and I, well mostly me, decided to start reading all the Roald Dahl books in his sisters room after I had read the Disney stories until I could barf. (And I love Disney stories.) I basically knew the entire thing cover to cover, and it had pictures, and it was heavy to hold, so I decided to move on to paperbacks.

As a kid who grew up in the 90’s I had watched the movie Matilda and prayed that someday I would get magical powers and be able to move things with my mind.

Reading the book now, as a 29 year old human, I have come to one conclusion:

I want magical powers and to be able to move things with my mind.

This book is (if you haven’t heard about it or read anything) about a little girl whose family is wretched and she ends up getting telepathic powers and decides to exact revenge for them being terrible people on them and anyone else who acts wrongly.

I liked this book, I like his style, I liked the story, I liked Matilda and Ms. Honey, and I loved that Hank loved it. He would get tired and ask for “Batilda” with a sigh like I was the one keeping him awake.

What I didn’t like however, was some of the cursing and the fact that Matilda’s parents were actually just going to leave her behind. And then let Ms Honey adopt her like it was no big deal to just get rid of their kid. Made me mad. But whatever.

Lovely book otherwise.


Keep Moving Forward

“Give me a smile”–Keep Moving Forward

I got really amped up the other night because my brain decided that instead of sleep it would think over something that has really been bothering me.

“Bitchy Resting Face”.

I have it, I know that, I always look unimpressed or super annoyed when I’m just hanging around and thinking or just working away at a task.

In truth, I’m not unimpressed. That’s just my face.

My little sister also has this face, and while I don’t get too wound up about stuff involving myself, I do get insanely angry when things happen to my siblings. Lately customers and workers have been going into her work and telling her to ‘Smile more.’

To which she just stares at them and her ‘Bitchy Resting Face’ turns into ‘Go Fuck Yourself Face’. Or simply says ‘No.’ Which I find hilarious.

What has me wound up is not just people picking at my baby sister, but that people (mainly men, I’ve found.) have the gaul to tell someone to change their face because they want a different look when they walk into a room. How self-centred is that?

You don’t like how my face looks when you walk into a room? Well maybe YOU should change YOUR attitude. My face will be in reaction to how much I care for you. And if you are a customer, yes, I will be kind at first, but then you telling me to change my face for your pleasure will make our future interactions less friendly.

Because you don’t own my face. You don’t own how I feel about you or your presence. Nobody should tell anyone to change their facial expression! It makes me so mad!

Because it’s actually incredibly sexist.

The man that sits across from my sister in the office doesn’t get told to smile even though he has the same expression.

I’ve been told time and again ‘You would be so pretty if you smiled.’.

So you’re telling me my regular face is ugly? Oh thanks. Now I’ll smile you self serving son of a bitch.

I’ve been told time and again “Why don’t you give me a smile?”

Because I don’t want to. That’s why.

I’ve been told “Perk up.” “Smile more.” “Why are you so angry?” “What’s the matter with you? Somebody piss in your cereal?”

No. You just walked in the door. And this is my fucking face.

I’ve been asked “Just give ME a smile?”
Why? Because you’re so special?

And this is from strangers. (Okay, sometimes people or customers I had seen on the regular and had made an assessment about our relationship from the get go based on how they treat me and others around me.)

Let’s get a couple things straight shall we?

No one can tell you how to react to them. No one can ask for a smile. No one has control over your face but you.

My smile doesn’t belong to anyone but me. And I get to decide who sees it. It’s a signal to show I care about you.You don’t get to demand someone’s facial expression to be more bright because it bothers you that they don’t light up when you walk into a room. That is not your right.
I am not going to be subservient and submissive to stroke your ego.

You do have one thing correct however:

You are not the sun that lights the day. I am.

I am brilliant and dangerous. And my smile DOES light up a room.

It can also burn your guts into liquid, take the flesh from your bones, and char your remains.

My light is malevolent and fickle. But make no mistake:

It. Is. Mine.

Keep moving forward.


True Story

That Time I Tried

…to give up caffeine.



I give up giving up.


This week has been weird and short and long and brutal and yes.

Yesterday I made the dumb decision to give up drinking Iced Capps for various reasons (sugar addiction, teeth staining, blah blah blah) but I’ve since decided ‘screw that’ since I was the angriest bear on the planet and I had an extra kid here and what a terrible time to make that decision.

I will try again, but for the sake of the toddlers, I will try again on a day that makes sense.

That way I won’t have my little buddy look at me and say “I’m sorry for making you angry.” It wasn’t you Booboo. It’s never you. (Which I said to him.) I said ‘Alli needs a coffee, she’s tired and a grumpy bear.” and he asked if he could get me one.

When a toddler offers to get you a drink you have problems.