Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children–Ranson Riggs

We’ve made it out of the Roald Dahl vortex. Thank God.

I was originally reading this book because I had been interested in it for awhile and then the movie was coming out, so naturally, I was trying to prep myself for the movie!

And then I never went and saw the movie.

I hold all the logic in my hands, don’t I?

Anyway, this book freaked me out. But only because there were pictures of what everyone looks like in it and the pictures are creepy as all hell. Nobody likes old timey circus photos Ransom Riggs! NOBODY.

On the whole though, this book was really good. I liked Jacob, and the back story of why he can see things others can’t, I enjoyed the entire plot, the writing was great, I really look forward to reading more of these. (And finally watching the movie.)

Maybe I’m just saying that because I can’t take anymore kid books though.


A Dance With Dragons–George R. R. Martin

SPOILERS AHEAD. (I’ll warn you when it’s coming.)

Dun dun dun dun dun dah I’m never reading another of theeeeese. (Sing that in the theme song and you’ve got it right.)

So I’m a purest in the sense that when I read a series whether I’ve read the series before the new book came out or not I have to read the entire thing over again. This is in part because I like to read it all in one shot so that I get really attached to my characters and the storyline isn’t disjointed.

It’s also in large part because I’m the literal worst when it comes to reading a big series like this and all information falls out of my head the second I put down the book because I’m too excited to read other books.

This is a giant mistake when it comes to the Ice and Fire series. Huuuuuge mistake. Like I had to cut my GoodReads challenge down to 30 books this year from 85 because that’s how much of my time they take up.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Westeros, I love the characters, the storylines, the surprises and the tearjerking moments. But I’m not a giant fan of the long winded descriptions, political back and forth, and the fact that a handful of my favourite characters have bitten the dust. Ol’ Georgie boy has gotten a little out of hand when it comes to describing things. Sure, we haven’t been to this pub in awhile, but you really don’t need to describe the knots in the wood. Mostly because it sounds like every single pub we’ve been to with these books. And who in the hell gives two shits about what the Ironborns are doing? You didn’t have them much in the earlier books, why do I have to care about them now? Asha is pretty cool, but whoopidee fuck.

I want to know what’s going on with Catelyn, I want to know where Rickon is (why does no one care what happened to this kid?!), and I want to know if Sansa ever grows a pair. Those are my main concerns at the moment.

I don’t give two fucks what Davos is doing. He’s nice and loyal, but booooo radley, I don’t care.

….okay, so anyway, this has all led to my decision to not read the next book whenever the hell it comes out, right? I am NOT reading all these books again just because I have a bad memory.

Wrong. That bastard threw in a death at the end that I had to reread four times because I was like WHAT?!?! That’s the biggest betrayal I ever did see!!!! And I sure as shit didn’t see it coming.

…but I was glad it happened. I was.

 Super Spoiler coming so plug your ears:

Dah Dah Dah bunch of nonsense so you won’t skim and read it by accident and then hate me for life because it’s so epic that it’ll screw with your head la la la la la bingle bongle dingle dangle yickedy doo yickedy ya ping-pong lippy-tappy-too-ta.

The Watch killed Jon Snow!!! Huzzah!!! This death made me soooo happy, I won’t lie to you. Well, until it happened it made me happy then I was like ‘Ohhh no! If they killed him no one is safe!” But let’s be real here, no one is ever safe to that bearded jerk.

This person’s chapters were getting soooo dreary and whiny that I was like YES! DEATH TO YOU! MUAHAHAHAHA. When I reread the series I actually skipped most of his chapters because it was always the same stuff:

“My duty. I must do my duty. But ohhh she’s hot. Smooch smooch smooch. My duties, I need to stop, maaah duuutaaaaahs.”

Yup. Glad he’s dead.

Anywho….here’s a video for your enjoyment.


Odd Hours–Dean Koontz

Ah my love. My darling. I’ve hungered for youuur touch. A loooong lonely time.

I missed Odd Thomas. He’s such a sweetheart!

            He’s one of those characters that can take you through the story, take you through his world, and you just blindly follow him not minding that the story isn’t quite making sense yet or that there is mystery around every corner. You just trust that Odd will tell you what’s going on eventually and that he’ll hold your hand the whole time.

Which is exactly what happened right up until the end of this book.

I have no idea what the plot was, Dean Koontz kind of just tricked me into following Odd through all these wonderful mishaps and hints and I just la-la landed right through the whole book because he has this way of writing that draws you in without actually going anywhere.

     I get the feeling that this is because the next few books are going to blow my mind and this was just a transitional book to hook you in.

Which it did. I’m so excited to keep reading them!

In Odd We Trust. (which wasn’t really meant to be a play on the title of one of the next books, I genuinely meant it.)

Catching Fire–Suzanne Collins

Catching Fire’s last review was teeny tiny because I was so excited about this series that I didn’t want to give one ounce of it away. But upon second reading, and two years later, I can assume that you’ve read this and I can be just as fanatically excited about it as ever.

            Let’s see, schemes are planned. Plots are hatched. Body counts go up, up, up.

Our favourite tribute is subjected to a “victory” tour, meeting and greeting each district and their former victors.

            And President Snow continues to be a major d-bag.

All right, so I won’t give away details, but let me just say: HOLY. MOLEY.

This book is on fire.

Pun intended.

Constant vigilance.

The Hobbit–J.R.R. Tolkien

Rare Nerd Alert.

I absolutely love The Hobbit. It’s one of my all-time favourite books and I’ve read it a bunch of times. Obviously it’s completely necessary for me to read this book again because the movie came out a few months ago.

I haven’t seen it, I’m so ashamed of myself. But at least I won’t be sitting next to some mouth breathing dungeon kid who will sit there telling me everything that wasn’t in the book. Instead, I will get to be that person. Hahaha.

It’s going to be awesome.

Anyways. I was supremely happy to reread this little treasure. I forgot half of what happens with so many books in my head. (Despicable, I know.) And I was happy to be surprised by the book once more. (Memory loss has its advantages sometimes. Doesn’t help me when I’m trying to learn something new, but whatever.)

Read this you sneaky fat little hobbitses.

Jitterbug Perfume–Tom Robbins

Before I step into the creepy world of Ed Gein, I thought that I would sum up my love affair with Jitterbug Perfume.

This book was introduced to me via my piano teacher who basically spent a good ten minutes of our lesson telling me the plot instead of actually teaching me anything.

Those were the best spent ten minutes in there.

Not only do I just plain old love talking books with people (or in this case listening), but Jitterbug Perfume IS the epitome of great writing. I’ve been likening it to Ann-Marie MacDonalds ‘Fall on Your Knees’, which is a tragic story, but so beautifully written that it just changes your whole life.

This book (to me) is 10 times the book as ‘Fall on Your Knees’ and that’s saying something since that book is unbelievably wonderful.

The plot is about immortality and we follow people from ancient Bohemia to present day Paris and New Orleans where they are all searching for the perfect scent. The perfect perfume. (My piano teacher told me the plot more intricately and eloquently than that, but whatever, he talks to people all day and I avoid that like the plague.)

If there is any book that everyone should read it’s this book. This book has changed me.

It’s like I found a piece of my heart and now just realizing that it was missing.


The Calling–Kelley Armstrong

Okay, so I’ve already reviewed this one before, but I had to read it again since The Gathering came out and I never got around to reading it since I’m a super freak and have too many books calling my name. No pun intended.

I’m glad that I read this one again because I completely forgot all of this until I was reading it. (That says nothing about Kelley’s writing since I’m a huge fan and remember most of her series, but these ones went by so quickly and I have a million other books I’ve read in between that it got lost in the shuffle.)

Maya is a skinwalker, her loverboy Rafe is also a skinwalker, her best friend is benendanti (as far as I can tell he hits people with power balls). There is a giant forest fire making the entire town of Salmon Creek have to evacuate.

Helicopter escape. End of story.

Seriously, that’s how the book ended, they left on a helicopter. So you can understand my super need for getting my hands on The Gathering.

Whoot whoot! Can’t wait! I love me some Kelley Armstrong.

A Game of Thrones–George R.R. Martin

Holy. Crap.

As you may well remember, I am a huge nerd. I love Harry Potter to a sickening degree, I love LOTR to the point where if you asked me to wear elf ears I would without question. If you asked me if I would like to take archery lessons or to go horseback riding, yes, I WOULD pretend that I am Katniss, Legolas and Firenze. And probably yell ‘For the Shire!’ at some point.

So it should be of no surprise to anyone that I immediately fell in love with A Game of Thrones. And that I have a crush on Tyrion. And Khal Drogo. And that I want to have ridiculously long white blond hair and invest in a ton of vests once more. (Yes, I HAVE done this before.)

What’s this book about? Well. That’s a tough question. But I’ll try my hardest to summarize:

The Starks live in Winterfell, they are a big family and are use to the cold. The Baratheons rule the 7 Kingdoms and the Lannisters pretty much rule the Baratheons. Lannisters are rich and always pay their debts. Ned Stark is besties with Robert Baratheon and when King Roberts Hand dies he travels to ask Ned to be the new Hand of the King.

There’s love, loyalty, friendship, battles, deaths, pony rides, giant hot dudes with beards, tiny hot dudes with weird eyes, and piracy.

And a  *insert your favourite expletive here * ton of shock and awe.