There has been something that goes on with my friends and family, and in all likeliness: everyone ever.
It’s that we each have our own stuff to deal with body wise.
The other day I was chatting with some people and I was complaining about the painful pimple under my lip.
Now, you’ve likely seen pictures of me, you know that I don’t get pimples very often, I have “flawless” skin. (That’s in quotations because I do have blackheads and big pores that I fill in with light make up. Nothing overtly noticeable, but still.)
Anyway, I was noting that it hurt and “Ugh, I want it to go away.” when I was verbally attacked by the girl sitting next to me who has a face covered in pimples.
“Oh really, your one pimple? You’re going to complain about your ONE pimple?! LOOK AT MY FACE.”
I’ll openly admit that I can be a vain person. I’m into my looks because I like make up, I like nail polish, I like doing my hair (most days), and I love when my body looks great in an outfit.
I’m not the hottest person in the world, but I’m fucking adorable, all right?
I am aware that I am blessed though. Which is the difference between being vain and being oblivious to other peoples feelings.
I was in no way remarking on my friends skin. I was just saying “Ow.”
Now to compare, when she (the teeny tiny toothpick that she is) complains about her “Food babies” or “Oh God, I’m going to look so fat in a bathing suit this summer if I don’t work out soon.” I don’t immediately jump down her throat. Sure, it makes me feel like shit sometimes that I’m not a rail or that I’m not a certain “acceptable” size. But I still recognize that we are all different, we all have our stuff we are self conscious about and we all need to vent our frustration about this stuff to other people.
Which is why I don’t sit on her when she complains about ‘being fat’.
Although at some point I have yelled “Do you want to see a real fat body?! DO YOU?! I WILL STRIP DOWN NAKED AND SHOW YOU WHAT IT REALLY LOOKS LIKE UNDER HERE!” when I’m having a particularly sensitive day.
At the same time, being aware of the others persons situation and body image is also really important. I may not have been meaning to push one of her buttons, but I did. I didn’t realize that complaining about the one out of maybe five pimples I get a year would result in my being verbally attacked by another human being.
There are people I know that are completely unaware that what they are saying is hurtful though, sadly, she is one of them and complains loudly about how hideously fat she can get when she looks like she may be a little bloated. Whereas, compared to her, I look like a behemoth and 6 months pregnant. She’s someone I call a “fisher”. She’s fishing for the compliments about her weight, she’s fishing for your to say something about how you wish you were as small as she is, she’s fishing for the feedback about how good her body looks.
Which makes me want to throw her off a bridge.
I don’t hate her, I just want to throw her off a bridge sometimes. It’s out of baffled annoyance. She knows this, it’s fine.
Skin is probably one of the biggest things that people mention to me because I have such “nice skin”. Which makes me feel like people are going to get a little Hannibal Lector on me and try to wear it.
But you know what? I have issues with my body too. Mostly pertaining to my insanely thin hair, my stomach, my sides, my cellulite butt, my back fat, etc etc.
Mostly my back fat. Man I wish I could wish that away.
The difference is, that while I’m also aware that I have these “problems”, I’m also aware that by complaining about these to a person who has been struggling worse than me or who is sensitive about this topic, is not wise or very humane.
What’s my point?
We’ve all got our own shit and we can’t completely censor ourselves for each individual person. Sometimes you just have to say stuff because it hurts your face or you need to poo but you’re constipated or because you feel gross in your own body.
Sometimes you just have to think “To each their own” and to own your each.
I may have incredibly thin hair, but I curl it to make it look bigger, I know what hair colours work on me so you don’t see my scalp, I know that I’m literally the only person who thinks about that shit daily. I know that when someone hugs me they aren’t going “DEAR GOD WHAT IS THIS MASS ON YOUR BACK?! DO YOU HAVE EXTRA BOOBS BACK HERE?!” (My sister did say that to me jokingly one time time actually, but it was more child-like than sinister.)
And as for my skin? Here’s my dirty little secrets:
I don’t always wash my make up off every night because it gives me pimples, I don’t use soap on it, I drink as much water as I can, I don’t drink pop, I try to eat some fruits and veggies every day. I don’t wear a ton of thick make ups like …what’s that gooey shit that goes all over your face called? Every person I know who wears foundation has massive pimples. Stop it. Just stop it.
I wear Dream Matte Mousse from Maybelline.
And I copy the hell out of what my grandmother puts on her skin because she’s 80 years old and her skin looks beautiful.
Clinique bitches. Slap that moisturizer on your skin after a shower and you’re good.
And I exfoliate maybe twice a week after letting my skin be super dirty and empty its own pores.
There you go. My skin secrets. I’m literally just dirty all the time.
Now stop yelling at me.
Keep moving forward.