Lolita–Vladimir Nabokov

How do I describe this book? How do I describe my experience with this book? 

It was confuddling. 

I loved it. And HATED it. I never want to read it again. I never want to TOUCH it again. 

I want to repeatedly stab it. While also suggesting that people read it?

It was confuddling because it makes you feel sympathy for a pedophile at one point because the 12 year old girl is being mean to him. 

Like. How does a writer even accomplish that??? 

Hats off to this guy because DAMN DUDE. I was bound and determined to hate this book because of its context (and I did). But I NEVER thought I was going to be like “Oh poor Humbert.”

Which made me audibly yell “WHAT?!” after I thought that and put the book down for a few days. 

It took me a long time to read this because I needed to take Soul Breaks. It was grossing me out and I needed to put it under Jeremiah Duncan (the ceramic pig I have on my kitchen table) and leave it there for weeks at a time. 

I have a wrinkle on my nose from scowling at it that I have nicknamed ‘Lolita’. 

Once again, this is a devastating and life ruining book my friend suggested to me because it was SO BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN YOU FORGET WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT FOR PAGES AT A TIME. 

Goddamnit. 

Constant vigilance!

 

Post Office–Charles Bukowski

How to describe this book? 

It’s…about the postal service. 

How did I end up reading it? I don’t know. It’s short? That’s all I’ve really got. 

Yet here I am reading a well known authors book about postal workers. 

And liking it. 

It doesn’t matter that I totally thought this guy wrote “Fight Club” (he didn’t, that’s Chuck Palahnuik.), or that I’ve never read anything else he’s written (totally thought I had. Book nerd problems.)

It was short but interesting somehow.

Yes, it went into the depths of the inner cogs sometimes, but otherwise, the characters were interesting and it was short enough you weren’t like “Okay asshole, that’s enough about this shit.”. 

He knows exactly how to tell a story and exactly where to end it. 

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Summers Read Part 2

I’m backed up. Not…not in the bowel department. I don’t know why I feel like I needed to clarify that when you’ll see in a minute that I mean book reviews.

Either way. Here we are.

In The Woods–Tana French

This book was total trickery. 

In that I didn’t realize it was a series. I only read the first one, but now I need to read the rest to find out what the shit happened. 

This is about how kids were in the playing in the back woods in a Dublin suburb in 1984, and they only found one kid.

A parents worse nightmare. Two kids went missing and one was found covered in blood gripping a tree trunk and unable to remember what happened. 

20 years later the boy is a detective and he’s on the case of a 12 year old girl who was murdered in the same woods his friends went missing. 

He uncovers piece by piece what happened not just to the girl, but to his friends. 

Sort of. I remember being like ‘Wait WHAT.’ When it ended because it wasn’t finished and then I looked it up online and found out that it was part of a series. 

And then not committing to find the others and never solving the mystery. 

Not like me. 

But oh well. Someday i’ll finish that series because after rereading its synopsis I’m intrigued again! 

…Actually upon reflection that totally is like me. I stopped reading Game of Thrones three books in, I stopped reading Outlander after two books, I even stopped reading those Sweep books and had to return to them to finish them. 

My best friend is laughing at my previous statement of “Not like me.” haha. (She gets all the texts when I pick the series back up of “Hey…who’s dead and what happened???” 

Her memory is better then mine. 

Anywho: This book was interesting, maybe if I stumble upon the second book somewhere I’ll get back to it and solve that dang mystery!

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Weird Sisters–Eleanor Brown

This book was very enjoyable. Reminded me of me and my sisters. Only in that we are weird and so different from each other, and yet so similar. Really, if one of us didn’t have a sense of humour our family dynamics would be VERY different. 

Instead of making each other laugh, someone would’ve been stabbed a long time ago. 

Anyway, this book is about three sisters who find themselves back at home to help with their ailing mother. Their dad named them after three of Shakespeares leading ladies and only really speaks to them in verse. 

Which I would find infuriating, but also fun. I love Shakespeare. But I would’ve slapped my dad. 

Good book, well written, interesting story. Definitely read it. 

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I Know I Am, But What Are You?–Samantha Bee

Samantha Bee is (was, maybe?) the Most Senior Correspondent on the The Daily Show (In the Jon Stewart era) and is pretty damn funny.

This was a good summer book. Clever, well spoken, and had fun stories in there but not overwhelmingly political or heavy. But she also didn’t dumb anything down. It was lovely. 

I liked reading about her life and where she ended up. Despite the fact that people have always flashed her at weird intervals in her life. 

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Summer Reads

Hello Puny Humans:

I have a pile of reviews building that go as far back as two summers ago. Yeesh.

Here’s the thing with life: Stuff happens to you and then other things are forgotten about.

These books weren’t one of those things, but reviewing them was. Typical me.

But here you go! Time to really start to catch up!

The Single Girl’s To-Do List–Lyndsey Kelk

A decent summer book, I gave it three stars which means it was just good and I would pass it on to someone going on vacation to read at the beach. 

It’s about a make up artist girl who gets dumped and goes on the classic journey of self discovering all people who go through heartbreaking time go through only to make it out on the other side happier and healthier. 

She makes a list of things she always wanted to do while in a relationship but couldn’t because she was being stifled without knowing it. 

The list includes a make over (she always wore leggings and plain t-shirts…nothing wrong with that!), and getting drunk, going on a trip, and other typical things like that that would make a cute Katherine Heigl movie. 

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The Wedding–Nicholas Sparks

When I start reading Nicholas Sparks books I’m always in a mood already. Y’all know what I’m talking about:

You’re looking for a romance but you also know someone is going to fucking eat it in this book in an unexpected way that just makes you mad in the first place because all you were looking for was a fucking romance novel that’s predictable and lovely with a dynamic couple that you just want them to be happy at the end. But no. Nicholas Sparks likes to fuck with us. 

He’s an asshole. 

However, I gave this 4 stars out of 5 which means I absolutely adored this book. Which means (and I can’t actually remember this) someone likely didn’t fucking die at the end in a real weird twist of events! 

So, this is a sequel of sorts to The Notebook (and if you never read that, you should because duh.) and it’s about Allie and Noah’s son Wilson who has let the romance die in his marriage and he didn’t even notice. His daughter is getting married and he’s finally facing the facts of his own marriage. It was a really sweet story, of course, and shows that you can make a comeback even from an indifferent marriage. 

I really liked the message of this book. A lot of people could benefit from this story. 

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Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date–Katie Heaney

This book is very special to me, and I’m betting you can guess why given the title of it. 

I always enjoy when I find fellow “weirdos” or people that I can actually relate to when it comes to stuff like this. 

This book was very well written, and hilarious, and made me feel a lot less isolated in my singledom. I am not alone in this compartment of life and that means so much to me. 

Even if I don’t actually know this person. 

(And if I know for a fact that this woman is now in a committed relationship because I follow her on Instagram haha. They look very happy together by the way! Gives me hope.)

Definitely read this even if you are in a committed relationship because it’s just such a great story/memoir on this woman’s life. And if you don’t know how to commiserate or even understand the single people in your life: this will help. 

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Melissa Explains It All–Melissa Joan Hart

Another unexplainable autobiography that I picked up at a thrift store. 

To be fair though: I was obsessed with Clarissa Explains it All and Sabrina the Teenage Witch when I was younger. 

Always have been dyyyyying for magical powers. Even if it’s not with a wand but with the tip of my finger. 

(That sounded pervy, but you’re with me.) 

Melissa Joan Hart has always been a favourite of mine, I’ve even watched ‘Melissa and Joey’ and genuinely liked it. (I don’t know why I said that like it’s a terrible show. It’s a hilarious and cute show.)

So why would I be like “Why would I read this autobiography?”…probably because I didn’t actually give two rats poops about the actual actresses life. Like I’m happy if she’s happy but I don’t need a background check, you know? 

But here I am. I’ve read the book, read her life, and now I DO give two rat poops about her life. 

Especially since she’s led an interesting and dynamic life. 

Who knew I would care so much that one of her boyfriend was a complete and total asshole? Or how happy I would be when she found the love of her life? Or that her families life would grip me so hard? 

I don’t know who I am anymore. But here we are and I loved the book. Even if you aren’t a fan, it’s an interesting behind the scenes of the movie industry. 

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The Antagonist–Lynn Coady

I’m finding that I’m reading a lot of books lately that are suggestions from another person. I’ve been reading these in all the in-betweens when I needed a break from Dance With Dragons and this one was top notch.

It was written in a very interesting way but it didn’t lose its story telling or take you out of the book.

The whole thing is written in email format to an old college friend of Ranks who had written a book about his life. (Rank’s that is) And Rank is pissed. So he decides to write his own book via email to his old friend. It’s a curious way of writing a book but I really enjoyed it. I felt on Rank’s side, but also saw what a brute he could be and the way she wrote this is so cool because it’s exactly like what writing an email is like and how a person’s thought process jumps back and forth.

Definitely read this one, it was cool just for the way the story was told.

Constant vigilance.

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A Dance With Dragons–George R. R. Martin

SPOILERS AHEAD. (I’ll warn you when it’s coming.)

Dun dun dun dun dun dah I’m never reading another of theeeeese. (Sing that in the theme song and you’ve got it right.)

So I’m a purest in the sense that when I read a series whether I’ve read the series before the new book came out or not I have to read the entire thing over again. This is in part because I like to read it all in one shot so that I get really attached to my characters and the storyline isn’t disjointed.

It’s also in large part because I’m the literal worst when it comes to reading a big series like this and all information falls out of my head the second I put down the book because I’m too excited to read other books.

This is a giant mistake when it comes to the Ice and Fire series. Huuuuuge mistake. Like I had to cut my GoodReads challenge down to 30 books this year from 85 because that’s how much of my time they take up.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Westeros, I love the characters, the storylines, the surprises and the tearjerking moments. But I’m not a giant fan of the long winded descriptions, political back and forth, and the fact that a handful of my favourite characters have bitten the dust. Ol’ Georgie boy has gotten a little out of hand when it comes to describing things. Sure, we haven’t been to this pub in awhile, but you really don’t need to describe the knots in the wood. Mostly because it sounds like every single pub we’ve been to with these books. And who in the hell gives two shits about what the Ironborns are doing? You didn’t have them much in the earlier books, why do I have to care about them now? Asha is pretty cool, but whoopidee fuck.

I want to know what’s going on with Catelyn, I want to know where Rickon is (why does no one care what happened to this kid?!), and I want to know if Sansa ever grows a pair. Those are my main concerns at the moment.

I don’t give two fucks what Davos is doing. He’s nice and loyal, but booooo radley, I don’t care.

….okay, so anyway, this has all led to my decision to not read the next book whenever the hell it comes out, right? I am NOT reading all these books again just because I have a bad memory.

Wrong. That bastard threw in a death at the end that I had to reread four times because I was like WHAT?!?! That’s the biggest betrayal I ever did see!!!! And I sure as shit didn’t see it coming.

…but I was glad it happened. I was.

 Super Spoiler coming so plug your ears:

Dah Dah Dah bunch of nonsense so you won’t skim and read it by accident and then hate me for life because it’s so epic that it’ll screw with your head la la la la la bingle bongle dingle dangle yickedy doo yickedy ya ping-pong lippy-tappy-too-ta.

The Watch killed Jon Snow!!! Huzzah!!! This death made me soooo happy, I won’t lie to you. Well, until it happened it made me happy then I was like ‘Ohhh no! If they killed him no one is safe!” But let’s be real here, no one is ever safe to that bearded jerk.

This person’s chapters were getting soooo dreary and whiny that I was like YES! DEATH TO YOU! MUAHAHAHAHA. When I reread the series I actually skipped most of his chapters because it was always the same stuff:

“My duty. I must do my duty. But ohhh she’s hot. Smooch smooch smooch. My duties, I need to stop, maaah duuutaaaaahs.”

Yup. Glad he’s dead.

Anywho….here’s a video for your enjoyment.

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The Girls’ Guide to Hunting and Fishing–Melissa Bank

This book was not what I expected. It was one of the books that I just happened to keep seeing everywhere and thought the title was intriguing and didn’t read the back of the book until I was finished reading the actual book. It was a complete surprise and a terrifically easy read (hello reading Storm of Swords as well, I kind of needed an easy read! Especially since I dragged my heels on Mr. Penumbra as well.) and a fantastically written book.

It’s a coming of age story about a girl named Jane Rosenal who is trying to figure out love. I really related to her and enjoyed her sarcasm and sassy comments. (Although I’m not into dating men 28 years older than me. That’s just: Ew.)

I think the best part about this book wasn’t just the way the characters acted or interacted; it was the way that she kept changing her writing style without being apologetic about it. She kept switching it up and that didn’t take away from the story one bit. It was beautiful and it worked.

Definitely read this.

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