As you know, I took a couple of months to myself to get sorted in my own head, heart, and soul.
Mostly what I realized was that while taking a break from writing on here made me even more crazy. I didn’t have that outlet of even short bursts of writing to relieve myself of my feelings or emotions or thoughts about feelings or emotions. I didn’t have enough time to sit and write like I wanted to and I found myself crying when Daryl cried or crying because the dad was left behind on a smouldering lava filling island while he threw his family to safety in The Croods.
I had problems.
The biggest relief was having the kids back to school, that took so much pressure off of me and I feel like I can actually breathe again. Which sounds terrible because I love my cousins and I loved having them around all day!
But I have this insane need to be perfect sometimes. (Which is absurd when you consider how much I swear, eat, or walk around in uncoordinated outfits.)
And that put even more pressure on me when these kids were around. I had to be perfect for them because any sign of me breaking one of my own rules, or their parents rules, and it was like a can of “Ah ha! You do it too! We don’t have to do it anymore!” was opened and all hell would break loose.
Hell, even if I just do something a little differently from their parents they are up my ass.
It got stressful some days.
Add on all that extra summer fun and life stuff and naturally, I needed time to myself.
Which led me to the hardest decision of my life.
To meet Rupert at Fan Expo, or not?
Now, you’ve likely heard me express my love for him, I’ve had a celeb crush on him since I was 12. Which was scandalous because he was 10 or 11. Here’s my account the day I made this decision:
“At the time of writing this I have one hour until the decision is made for me on whether to meet Rupert Grint or not.
I have already texted my sister that I don’t want to go to FanExpo because of several things. Mainly money.
Last year was a fantastic weekend of meeting heroes and seeing artwork and generally being stuff into a herd of people that smelled and rubbed their smells on you and being dehydrated and hungry and tired of the human race after three days of this.
But I met Arthur Darvill, Nathan Fillion, Matt Smith, and Stan Lee. I got to see the cast of the Walking Dead do a panel, along with Matt and Arthur separately.
And this year you would think I would be the first person signed up because the Phelps twins are there. AKA: The Weasley Twins.
I would get to meet them, I would meet Tom Felton because my little sister has been crushing on him since she was a kid, and then I would meet the penultimate of my fandom dreams, the guy I’ve been mooning over for years.
Since I was 13 years old.
Rupert Grint may not be the worlds biggest or even remotely diva-type star, he’s seemingly remained down to earth and polite, generally thought of as the coolest of the kids to come out of the Harry Potter franchise.
And I’m absolutely petrified to meet him because I’ve already met so many of my on screen boyfriends and they all turned out to be wonderful human beings.
What if I meet Rupert and it’s as disappointing as Stan Lee was?
3 seconds, no conversation, and little kids took away from the experience because they don’t know when it’s time to move on?
I know what you’re all thinking “What if it’s something you’ll regret not doing for the rest of your life?”
Well, let’s be real here. I definitely will regret this decision of not going because I love them all so much and I don’t like to do things out of fear of being disappointed or because there are so many ‘What ifs’ attached that I could drown in them.
I will regret it as far as I didn’t get to meet them. But I won’t regret missing the hours of sitting in line for 10 seconds and a picture, I won’t regret missing out on the different arrays of peoples B.O.s. I won’t regret that I’ll be spending this money on a much needed day of pampering.
I need my nails done and a super human strength massage this week. I need that night away by myself. I need to be pampered and relax and drink wine in silence.
I haven’t had time off in a little while and I’m worn a little thin lately. I need to be AWAY from people, not thrown directly into their throngs.
I need to take care of myself this week and that’s okay.
That’s perfectly wonderful really.
There will be other chances to meet these people. And if not? Well then, whoops.”
As you can see it was a tough decision and I’m basically talking myself into it.
And for the record, yes, I regret not meeting them, but I don’t regret that I took the time to be alone because I needed that more.
Keep moving forward, take care of yourself, and pray to the Fan Expo Gods that they will come back next year.