Happy 8 Year Anniversary!

Holy crap.

I just got a notification from WordPress congratulating me on 8 years of writing on this blog.

8 years I’ve spent writing about books I’ve loved or hated, personal stories of triumph or failure, love and loss, book hunting, Keep Moving Forwards, True Story Tuesdays, or To Say a Little Words.

8 years of my life.

An inconsistent 8 years of writing on here, but still! That’s bananas.

So thank you all who have stuck with me, who have appreciated the posts, who have reached out to tell me how hilarious I am. I have a small fanbase, but I still appreciate it and am so grateful.

Here’s to you all! For putting up with my nonsense, my wisdom, my lies about when I’ll be posting, my long stretches of going MIA, and the grappling I do with books on a daily basis.

Here’s to books! Without them I would’ve beheaded someone a long time ago.

Constant vigilance!

The Tales of Beedle the Bard–J.K. Rowling

Can you even believe that someone such as I has never read this book in its entirety? 

Almost as insane as I still haven’t seen Fantastic Beasts even though I own two copies….and I read the book. 

I will 100% use this book as a story tale basis when I have kids. It was so sweet and adorable. 

I need more J.K. Rowling books, I always miss her writing so much and love stepping back into it and her world whenever it comes around. 

Even just seeing that font relaxes me.

Sigh.

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Harry Potter and The Cursed Child–J.K. Rowling, John Thorne, Jack Tiffany

I wish I had seen this in play form. This was so interesting and cool! Even though JK Rowling didn’t write the play itself, she did approve of this and it’s based on a short story she wrote.

I missed my people. This is the only universe that’s ever felt completely like home to me.

Including this one we currently live in. Being a human is so boring sometimes.

So to be able to revisit it and see old characters, and see all our kids grown up and having an adventure was really fun, even if it was super heartbreaking at points.

This is about Harry as an adult and what’s going on with his children, as the synopsis concludes: Past and present collide and things get really super bananas.

Okay. They didn’t say that word for word, but here we are.

I really enjoyed this, for obvious reasons. It was quick to read given that the format is in that of a play and it’s for the characters to learn their lines.

I genuinely hope they make this into a mini series or something, that would be so cool.

Constant vigilance!

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Happy Halloween!

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Tonight I will be watching the “parade” of kids that come in to my moms house because she has a literal buffet for them to pick from, and try to contain my dogs anxiety while also watching something scary and pilfering Reese’s pieces with my little sister.

Hope everyone had a safe weekend of partying and fun!

I can’t wait to see the tiny humans beg for candy.

Happy Halloween!

(Moment of silence for Lily and James Potter would be welcome as well. 😉 )

Very Good Lives–J.K. Rowling

Sometimes I feel the need to curl up in J.K. Rowling’s writing like a security blanket. Harry Potter is obviously my favourite book series, even though I promised not to read it for five years after the movies were over I still broke that promise to myself and snuck them in a few times when I was stuck in a book rut and needed to break out.

I grew up with them and learned how to be a kind and clever person. So it only seems natural that in a transitional phase of my life, where I don’t know where I’m going, what I’m doing, who I want to remain, what I want to do with my life, and generally growing up from my 20s into my 30s, that I need her.

And this time she was making a very valid point:

Failure is good.

Failure IS an option.

 

Failure helps you learn more than success sometimes. And it’s not shameful or something you need to guilt yourself over.

This was a speech she had written for graduates at Harvard, and while it’s short, she makes you feel better if all you’ve ever felt you’ve done is fail. Or at least have a day where you feel like that’s all you’ve done and you are trapped in your own cry factory and BooHoo Festival.

Everyone needs to read this when they are feel stuck or like a failure or like their lives aren’t going anywhere.

She always puts things in perspective in a smart and articulate way that speaks to real people.

Curl up in her words, it’ll make you feel better, I promise.

Jo always has my back.

Keep Moving Forward: Two Weeks

As if it’s been two weeks since I had to say goodbye to Doomsday. I said I was going to talk about it sooner, but I wasn’t quite ready for it.

It’s been a very weird experience, and I think I finally understand what people are talking about when they say “loss”. I used to be like “You didn’t lose that person or pet! You know where they went! To The Death! You didn’t lose them in a mall, they are gone, but not lost.”

And I think that’s a very important distinction sure, but with her being gone there are several things that are lost in the wind as her body is gone but her soul remained within me.

I haven’t felt such sadness since my dog Envy was gone. And I genuinely thought that was top level sadness.

Now, Doomsday was called a lot of things in her time and I was called a lot of things because of my love for her. (Ie. “Crazy” “Obsessed” “Nutbag”) But there is one thing that people kept saying to me about her and our life together when I would tell them that I needed to get home to see her or that I wanted to hang out with her in the evenings instead of socialize with human beings.

She was called “Just a rabbit”.

Oh hell no.

Any living creature is never “just” anything. If that creature is loved and can be loved then they are JUST amazing and wonderful.

Never step up to me and call any of my animal family members JUST my dogs. Or JUST my rabbit. Or JUST my little sister.

How dare you. Sir.

Let me tell you why I’m grieving so hard for this rabbit:

Because I love her.

No past tense. I still love her. That love doesn’t leave just because she is no longer physically here.

If anything, it magnified and reminded me of what our love was and what it had grown into.

That girl had personality. If she didn’t like something she let you know. (Sound familiar?) The vet told me last year that she has never seen a rabbit with more personality in their eyes. She was spewing pure venom because we were getting her cysts drained and she hated that.

There are things that I miss so damn much about her already. Mainly the things that irritated the fuck out of me when she was here.

That water bottle noise.

Anyone who has a small pet that lives in a cage knows what I’m talking about. That stupid noise was like a beacon to let me know she was still there. And now it’s gone and I can’t sleep. I’ve had to have a couple of naps when Daryl naps because I’m so exhausted during the day.

After almost 8 years together that noise had been my lullaby and now it’s missing and I haven’t gone to bed on time or even in the near vicinity of 10 pm for the last two weeks.

I also miss her rubbing her face on my ankles to claim me. And I hate when people touch my ankles. But with her it was sweet. Even though sometimes she would get on my ankle and I would be terrified that she would hump me. (We never got that far because she tickled so much. And it’s fucking creepy as all hell.)

I miss kisses. Bunny kisses are unicorn magic because that’s how they REALLY express love.

This has been one of the harder times of my life just because I had to go through cleaning her stuff out of my room. And there was a lot more than I thought. For such a small being she had a lot of stuff. Including the carpet in my room because she hated to run around on the wood floor. Everything in my room was set up to protect her or protect the thing from chewing that thing.

My room has a giant void.

I moved her stuff out earlier than I probably would have for two reasons:

  1. Dexter (who was her friend and is a our Doodle) keeps looking for her in the cage and can’t relax in my room. It was confusing both the dogs.

2)Every time I looked at the empty cage I started crying. While crying it out is good, I didn’t want to do it every ten seconds while trying to get anything accomplished in my room.

And I had so many weird habits that included her in my life. Like coming into the room at the end of the day and saying “Hello Cuckoo.” or when I was leaving I would make a weird noise and bunny ears at her. Even just facing my laptop over so she could watch Supernatural with me.

Have I mentioned I’m insane?

My guts hurt still hurt and I don’t know how I’ll handle having to pick her up from the vet in a new sort of carrying case. (Ie. An urn. Yes, I’m that crazy person who gets their pet cremated.)

I miss kisses, and snuggles, and even her nipping me to pay attention to her, I miss her angry stomps and funny noises, and chasing each other, and how funny she was when she would jump on my bed or whip around in excitement.

Bunnies are the best. She was the best. And it was so hard to hold her tiny body in my arms and listen to the vet say the most difficult words “She’s gone.” to me.

But now I’ll have to keep moving forward without her. So I’ve come up with a way of dealing…which is that she is now my Patronus. When I’m sad or anxious or darkness is coming over me, I just picture her as her black form with the smoke of a Patronus hopping around me to protect me. Now I just assume her spirit is trailing after me and seeing the world instead of just my bedroom.

Fingers crossed.

This is our first day together. So tiny! Fit into my hand! (And used to sit on my shoulders like a parrot haha)

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KMF: Why I Decided to NOT meet Rupert Grint.

Hello friends,

As you know, I took a couple of months to myself to get sorted in my own head, heart, and soul.

Mostly what I realized was that while taking a break from writing on here made me even more crazy. I didn’t have that outlet of even short bursts of writing to relieve myself of my feelings or emotions or thoughts about feelings or emotions. I didn’t have enough time to sit and write like I wanted to and I found myself crying when Daryl cried or crying because the dad was left behind on a smouldering lava filling island while he threw his family to safety in The Croods.

I had problems.

The biggest  relief was having the kids back to school, that took so much pressure off of me and I feel like I can actually breathe again. Which sounds terrible because I love my cousins and I loved having them around all day!

But I have this insane need to be perfect sometimes. (Which is absurd when you consider how much I swear, eat, or walk around in uncoordinated outfits.)

And that put even more pressure on me when these kids were around. I had to be perfect for them because any sign of me breaking one of my own rules, or their parents rules, and it was like a can of “Ah ha! You do it too! We don’t have to do it anymore!” was opened and all hell would break loose.

Hell, even if I just do something a little differently from their parents they are up my ass.

It got stressful some days.

Add on all that extra summer fun and life stuff and naturally, I needed time to myself.

Which led me to the hardest decision of my life.

To meet Rupert at Fan Expo, or not?

Now, you’ve likely heard me express my love for him, I’ve had a celeb crush on him since I was 12. Which was scandalous because he was 10 or 11. Here’s my account the day I made this decision:

“At the time of writing this I have one hour until the decision is made for me on whether to meet Rupert Grint or not.

I have already texted my sister that I don’t want to go to FanExpo because of several things. Mainly money.

Last year was a fantastic weekend of meeting heroes and seeing artwork and generally being stuff into a herd of people that smelled and rubbed their smells on you and being dehydrated and hungry and tired of the human race after three days of this.

But I met Arthur Darvill, Nathan Fillion, Matt Smith, and Stan Lee. I got to see the cast of the Walking Dead do a panel, along with Matt and Arthur separately.

And this year you would think I would be the first person signed up because the Phelps twins are there. AKA: The Weasley Twins.

I would get to meet them, I would meet Tom Felton because my little sister has been crushing on him since she was a kid, and then I would meet the penultimate of my fandom dreams, the guy I’ve been mooning over for years.

Literally.

Since I was 13 years old.

Rupert Grint may not be the worlds biggest or even remotely diva-type star, he’s seemingly remained down to earth and polite, generally thought of as the coolest of the kids to come out of the Harry Potter franchise.

And I’m absolutely petrified to meet him because I’ve already met so many of my on screen boyfriends and they all turned out to be wonderful human beings.

What if I meet Rupert and it’s as disappointing as Stan Lee was?

3 seconds, no conversation, and little kids took away from the experience because they don’t know when it’s time to move on?

I know what you’re all thinking “What if it’s something you’ll regret not doing for the rest of your life?”

Well, let’s be real here. I definitely will regret this decision of not going because I love them all so much and I don’t like to do things out of fear of being disappointed or because there are so many ‘What ifs’ attached that I could drown in them.

I will regret it as far as I didn’t get to meet them. But I won’t regret missing the hours of sitting in line for 10 seconds and a picture, I won’t regret missing out on the different arrays of peoples B.O.s. I won’t regret that I’ll be spending this money on a much needed day of pampering.

I need my nails done and a super human strength massage this week. I need that night away by myself. I need to be pampered and relax and drink wine in silence.

I haven’t had time off in a little while and I’m worn a little thin lately. I need to be AWAY from people, not thrown directly into their throngs.

I need to take care of myself this week and that’s okay.

That’s perfectly wonderful really.

There will be other chances to meet these people. And if not? Well then, whoops.”

As you can see it was a tough decision and I’m basically talking myself into it.

And for the record, yes, I regret not meeting them, but I don’t regret that I took the time to be alone because I needed that more.

Keep moving forward, take care of yourself, and pray to the Fan Expo Gods that they will come back next year.

Fool Moon–Jim Butcher

My brother implored me to keep reading this series, but I really don’t think it’s for me. It’s slow going and even though Harry Dresden is a decent character who is real during supernatural situations, something is missing from it and I can’t place my finger on it.

Could be that I’m just used to another wizard named Harry and wanted to be back at Hogwarts instead of this place where things are normal until they really, really aren’t.

In this second coming of Harry Dresden we are introduced to werewolves.

It was an okay book, just not for me. I probably won’t continue on with this series.

*Shrug*