The Bend in the Road–Nicholas Sparks

I needed this book after I read Marilyn Mansons book. 

I needed to scrub my brain for awhile. 

So this is (naturally) a romance about how a mans wife was ended in a hit and run, she was the love of his life and nothing will ever be the same. 

Insert: 

His kids hot teacher. Whoa whoa whooooAAAaaa. 

Okay it wasn’t exactly like that, but this book is just as you suspect it will be.

Heartbreaking and lovely and with a piss off ending.

Classic Nicholas Sparks.

Always with the piss off endings.

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Summer Reads

Hello Puny Humans:

I have a pile of reviews building that go as far back as two summers ago. Yeesh.

Here’s the thing with life: Stuff happens to you and then other things are forgotten about.

These books weren’t one of those things, but reviewing them was. Typical me.

But here you go! Time to really start to catch up!

The Single Girl’s To-Do List–Lyndsey Kelk

A decent summer book, I gave it three stars which means it was just good and I would pass it on to someone going on vacation to read at the beach. 

It’s about a make up artist girl who gets dumped and goes on the classic journey of self discovering all people who go through heartbreaking time go through only to make it out on the other side happier and healthier. 

She makes a list of things she always wanted to do while in a relationship but couldn’t because she was being stifled without knowing it. 

The list includes a make over (she always wore leggings and plain t-shirts…nothing wrong with that!), and getting drunk, going on a trip, and other typical things like that that would make a cute Katherine Heigl movie. 

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The Wedding–Nicholas Sparks

When I start reading Nicholas Sparks books I’m always in a mood already. Y’all know what I’m talking about:

You’re looking for a romance but you also know someone is going to fucking eat it in this book in an unexpected way that just makes you mad in the first place because all you were looking for was a fucking romance novel that’s predictable and lovely with a dynamic couple that you just want them to be happy at the end. But no. Nicholas Sparks likes to fuck with us. 

He’s an asshole. 

However, I gave this 4 stars out of 5 which means I absolutely adored this book. Which means (and I can’t actually remember this) someone likely didn’t fucking die at the end in a real weird twist of events! 

So, this is a sequel of sorts to The Notebook (and if you never read that, you should because duh.) and it’s about Allie and Noah’s son Wilson who has let the romance die in his marriage and he didn’t even notice. His daughter is getting married and he’s finally facing the facts of his own marriage. It was a really sweet story, of course, and shows that you can make a comeback even from an indifferent marriage. 

I really liked the message of this book. A lot of people could benefit from this story. 

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Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date–Katie Heaney

This book is very special to me, and I’m betting you can guess why given the title of it. 

I always enjoy when I find fellow “weirdos” or people that I can actually relate to when it comes to stuff like this. 

This book was very well written, and hilarious, and made me feel a lot less isolated in my singledom. I am not alone in this compartment of life and that means so much to me. 

Even if I don’t actually know this person. 

(And if I know for a fact that this woman is now in a committed relationship because I follow her on Instagram haha. They look very happy together by the way! Gives me hope.)

Definitely read this even if you are in a committed relationship because it’s just such a great story/memoir on this woman’s life. And if you don’t know how to commiserate or even understand the single people in your life: this will help. 

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Melissa Explains It All–Melissa Joan Hart

Another unexplainable autobiography that I picked up at a thrift store. 

To be fair though: I was obsessed with Clarissa Explains it All and Sabrina the Teenage Witch when I was younger. 

Always have been dyyyyying for magical powers. Even if it’s not with a wand but with the tip of my finger. 

(That sounded pervy, but you’re with me.) 

Melissa Joan Hart has always been a favourite of mine, I’ve even watched ‘Melissa and Joey’ and genuinely liked it. (I don’t know why I said that like it’s a terrible show. It’s a hilarious and cute show.)

So why would I be like “Why would I read this autobiography?”…probably because I didn’t actually give two rats poops about the actual actresses life. Like I’m happy if she’s happy but I don’t need a background check, you know? 

But here I am. I’ve read the book, read her life, and now I DO give two rat poops about her life. 

Especially since she’s led an interesting and dynamic life. 

Who knew I would care so much that one of her boyfriend was a complete and total asshole? Or how happy I would be when she found the love of her life? Or that her families life would grip me so hard? 

I don’t know who I am anymore. But here we are and I loved the book. Even if you aren’t a fan, it’s an interesting behind the scenes of the movie industry. 

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The Longest Ride–Nicholas Sparks

More like The Longest Book.

Okay, it wasn’t long, but MAN it dragged on.

And I pretty much felt that everyone in this book behaved irrationally and idiotically.

(Which is probably explains why I’ve never been in love.)

They just ALL seemed to be doing stupid things. And don’t get me wrong, I love a good love story, and I was all for imagining Scott Eastwood in this role. Until I realized that this character, while being a smart bull riding farmer, was a complete tit.

Spoilers Ahead.

You get brained and nearly die bull riding, hospitalized, slow recovery, therapy for months, and yet you still decide to get back up there when all is said and done? All because your mom is going to lose the farm?

No. No way Scott Eastwood. You get a job! And not one that includes riding a wild animal that nearly kills you. (Characters actual name is Luke by the way.)

Then there is Sophia, who was kind of a whiny tit herself. She had this ex who was always following her and harassing her. Yet didn’t call the cops to be like “Get the fuck out of here!” And wouldn’t let herself have fun if she thought for a second that he was going to be there because he MIGHT cause a scene. MIGHT.

Then later her best friend (another shitty person) announces that she’s seeing Sophia’s ex and that he won’t cheat on her like he did Sophia and “please forgive me, I couldn’t help it.”

EVEN THOUGH SHE KNEW WHAT HER FRIEND HAD GONE THROUGH WITH THIS PERSON.

Yeah right you couldn’t help it!!! You’re a terrible friend and should be shot.

I had a hard time believing any of these people were real people. They all just seemed like morons who were out for themselves and just complete fuckwits.

The only characters I liked were the old man who was dying in a car in the snow and his “ghost/hallucination” wife that was by his side.

And I usually really like Nicholas Sparks movies and for the most part his books.

What a sad disappointment.

But I’ll still totally watch the shit out of that movie. Hello. Shirtless Scott Eastwood? Sign me up.

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Here’s some eye candy for ya. He’s literally just standing with a horse wearing plaid and I’m in love.

What is this magic.

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The Lucky One–Nicholas Sparks

Three words: Zac. Efrons. Butt.

 That’s all I think about when I think of The Lucky One. (and we are, aren’t we?) What an ASS that guy has. I wish my butt were nearly as sexy as that. He must do squats or something…I think those Sleeping Beauty books have changed me.

 After reading a supremely dirty book I thought it would be good to wash out the filthy and toss in some “pure” love.

Now, I rolled my eyes a lot during the movie. The girl (although I love her in other stuff) was a serious over reactor and kind of an over-actor. I thought it was weird that she was older than him and fooling around with that guy, although I don’t blame her one bit, I mean, can I talk about Zac Efrons ass enough??? I don’t think so.

 All right, fine, I’ll talk about the storyline.

 Guy is in army, guy finds picture of perdy lady, nearly dies, picture acts as good luck charm, guy decides after he goes on leave to look for said girl in picture.

She hates him. He likes her. She finds out he’s not a d-bag. She loves him. They hump. The kid is funny. Someone dies at the end.

 Classic Nicholas Sparks. However, at the end of the book I was convinced that my boyfriend had died instead of who dies at the end of the movie, so that old switcheroo had me in a state for a bit.

 Good ol’ Nicky Sparkle is a good writer and scared me half to death. Talent. Pure talent.

 Good book, give her a read.

 Constant vigilance!

Safe Haven–Nicholas Sparks

I love a good romance. I love a good mystery. And when you slapped those two things together with the face of Josh Duhamel, you sir, have a friggin winner.

Okay, so obviously this book wasn’t based on Josh Duhamels face but after seeing a MILLION ads for it, it was hard to think of anyone else in the title role. Same with Julianna Hough, Heough? Whatever her last name is. She’s cute as a friggin button and I liked her in the movie, but the movie really made me angry.

My friends have been telling me for months to watch it, I finally got around to it after I read the book and was like WHAT?! WRONG!

Which always happens. I felt like the movie was seriously underdeveloped because the book was really good! But I guess you can’t really do voiceover dialogue of the people’s thoughts through the whole movie without making the audience want to die.

Anyway, so this book is about a girl who is…you know what, I’ll let you read it and find out because it really is a good book.

   Easy read, summer kind of book, gets a little nuts and I pretty well panicked throughout the last few chapters.

The Rescue–Nicholas Sparks

Thank God for Nicolas Sparks. After reading that book on Ed Gein I needed some lighthearted love. I needed to scrub my brain with a romance. I needed to scrub my ever-loving SOUL with a romance. I read this IMMEDIATELY following Psycho. Like I literally tossed that book and grabbed this one like a security blanket.

Even so, I don’t think reading seventeen millions romances would get that book out of my head.

The Rescue is quite obviously about a rescue mission. Starts off with a car accident, then goes into how the mentally challenged son of a single mother wanders off from the car in a huge storm. Volunteer firefighters and the like are there and eventually the fire fighter who finds the boy falls in love with the mom.

Wham, bam, thank you Mr. Sparks for an impressively easy read which still was well written. It was exactly what I needed.

Although for the last half of the book I was wondering who was going to come to their untimely demise since that’s just how this guy rolls.

Gets you all into a love story and then kills off someone just because he can.

So rude.

But at least it was a lovely story.