Fantasy, Fiction, young adult

Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children–Ranson Riggs

We’ve made it out of the Roald Dahl vortex. Thank God.

I was originally reading this book because I had been interested in it for awhile and then the movie was coming out, so naturally, I was trying to prep myself for the movie!

And then I never went and saw the movie.

I hold all the logic in my hands, don’t I?

Anyway, this book freaked me out. But only because there were pictures of what everyone looks like in it and the pictures are creepy as all hell. Nobody likes old timey circus photos Ransom Riggs! NOBODY.

On the whole though, this book was really good. I liked Jacob, and the back story of why he can see things others can’t, I enjoyed the entire plot, the writing was great, I really look forward to reading more of these. (And finally watching the movie.)

Maybe I’m just saying that because I can’t take anymore kid books though.

missperegrine_334x518

Advertisements
Classic

The Roald Dahl Collection

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Admittedly, I didn’t know Roald Dahl even wrote this. I thought it came from the likes of someone with a twisted mind like Tim Burton.

Well, given what his other books, I wasn’t totally wrong.

This book was good, but had some serious darkness in it. I didn’t like reading to the kid that the foxes were trapped at one point and that the evil farmer was trying to basically set them on fire.

Not exactly kid friendly those bits.

Plus the foxes were starving to death at one point I think.

It’s okay though, they build a small society with their other animal friends.

I don’t 100% remember this book, so maybe read it before you read it to your kid.

unknown

Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator

I didn’t know this book existed. This follows Charlie, his grandfather, and Willy Wonka on their adventure after they burst through the roof.

There’s probably a reason why I never knew this existed, and that’s because it turns a little sci-fi on us and moves away from the classic Chocolate Factory aspect of things.

They end up going through space, then nearly being gunned down by the army, and a whole slew of misadventures.

It was still cute, but not as good as the first, which is probably why he never revisited these characters again.

charlie-and-the-great-glass-elevator-cover

The Magic Finger

Another weird one for the record books. But only in that it had an odd magical element, nothing truly creepy or life threatening could come of this one. It was just about a little girl who was mad at the neighbours for hunting and turned them into birds.

It was okay.

51mg2x5ncml-_sx323_bo1204203200_

The Twits

Have you had enough of my non-review reviews? Have you had enough of Roald Dahl?

Me too.

I’ve heard about this book for awhile, it’s noted as one of his best, and I can’t agree on that. I definitely enjoyed Matilda and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory better. Hell, I enjoyed The Witches better.

The Twits was good in that it was odd, but that’s where it ended. I didn’t like them at all (I’m guessing you weren’t supposed to) and I can’t stand books where it’s teaching kids new ways to be bad.

But then again, I guess it’s also teaching kids what retaliation is for when you ARE bad. Because there’s a monkey uprising in this.

31456

Danny the Champion of the World

I love a good gypsy story, but I think I’m just on the outs with Roald Dahl at this point. Reading the entire collection he has to a kid over the span of months is really daunting if you find some of his stories to be flipping weird.

On the one hand, this story was sweet because it was about a father and son, how they plot ways to get back at a mean man, but on the other hand: I can’t read anymore of these books.
Yeesh. Maybe it’s just the way I perceive them, maybe other people see the good parts where the villain is conquered, but I just see these books as a ‘How-to’ on misbehaviour.

I think I’m turning into an adult.
It’s finally happening. Oh God. Help me.

I bet I would’ve loved these books as kids! To see adults get their comeuppance for keeping the kids spirits down! But as an adult I can’t help thinking what little brats some of the kids in these stories are.

Anyway…. this wasn’t the worst of them. I’d say you could read this to your kid, no matter what age.

danny

So that’s the last of the Roald Dahl! Next week will be back to regular programming!

(Especially since the kid wants me to sing to him at naptime instead of read to him.)

Constant vigilance!

Classic, Kids Books

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory–Roald Dahl

Contrary to what I’ve been writing about Roald Dahl’s books on here (those were the questionable ones to be sure) I do actually enjoy his writing. It is not really for toddlers, but I should’ve probably knew they weren’t going to be. My bad.

However, this book was totally lovely! Just as I remember it.

Funny story: One of my cousins that I look after, his school makes it mandatory to go to the library (as they should) and one day they were having a Free Books day for the old books to leave the school. Everyone got to take home whatever they wanted. He chose ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’. It was busted and old and has an old school hardcover.

He thought it was really cool that there was even a library card in the back with all these peoples names on them.

I read through them and realized not only did I start recognizing the names of some of the students, but I recognized their handwriting! Some of the names it was hard not to given that they had written down their quite obvious nicknames. And in between all those was a name written in in pencil:

“Allison”. Full with the funny ‘A’ I used to do and my attempt at cursive.

I had read that book when I was his age and now he was holding a piece of my history. How weird is that? Weird and cool.

Anyway, THIS is a safe book to read to your kids. It’s just as sweet as we remember and quirky too. Definitely pass this one down, or snuggle up with your kids for it.

charlie_and_the_chocolate_factory

Kids Books

George’s Marvellous Medicine–Roald Dahl

Sigh.

Here’s another interesting book by Roald Dahl. And wildly inappropriate for a kid. I have to keep reminding myself that these are not meant for Daryl’s age group (Being 3 years old.) . That they are meant for older kids. But I also don’t appreciate what this one was saying to that age group either.

This is about George. George’s grandmother is a bit of an intolerable shrew.

All this woman does is complain and treat people like garbage. She talks down to everyone, she yells at them, and is a complete and utter unappreciative …well…asshole.

So I don’t blame George for thinking that maybe the old hag could use something to make her more pleasant.

Thus he creates his ‘Marvellous Medicine’.

Which includes things from the kitchen, things from the barn, things from the bathroom. I’m talking perfume, horse pills, toilet bowl cleaner, various things from around the house.

Most of which aren’t safe for people to be ingesting.

Which is why I was like “Oh Hell no Roald Dahl. What are you telling kids here!!!” I could understand if it was like peppers or flowers or something that wouldn’t cause a person actual harm, but the list of things this guy included shouldn’t be anywhere near an old persons stomach. Let alone a kids hands.

It was supposed to be magical, but I just found it disturbing.

This guy. *Shakes head*

518yzwjfil-_sx323_bo1204203200_

Uncategorized

Esio Trot–Roald Dahl

I have major fucking beef with this book .

Which is absurd considering it’s a kids book. But hear me out.

This story is about a man, Mr Hoppy, who is in love with his downstairs neighbour, Mrs. Silver. They chat whenever they see each other on their balconies for brief moments. The man is an older man who I don’t think had a job considering he was always at home.

Anyway, this lady has a tortoise, Alfie, she keeps on her balcony and is worried that he isn’t growing as much as he should be. So, seeing his opening, the man upstairs tells her that he has a fast growing method for the turtle. It’s an ancient spell and involves special food for the tortoise. She has to say this spell of ‘Esio trot’ to the tortoise every day and it’ll grow more and more.

The problem I have with this is that Mr Hoppy bought like 150 tortoises of varying age and size to swap out with the original tortoise. Every day he would switch them out for a bigger one.

He kept them all, no harm came to any of the tortoises. But still.

If I find out that someone I barely knew did this to impress me I’d be super angry. Call me unromantic if you will. But I’d demand to know where the fuck my actual tortoise that I had grown to love went! But I guess Mrs Silver is dumber and didn’t notice that the markings on her pet were different.

Which if she actually loved Alfie she would’ve noticed.

I hated everything about this book, but it was short so I finished it for the kid anyway. He didn’t seem to care, he fell asleep.

esiotrot

Kids Books

Roald Dahl

The Giraffe, The Pelly, and Me—Roald Dahl

This book was short and sweet and so will this review be:

This was about a little boy who was introduced to his new neighbours: a giraffe, a pelican, and a monkey. They had just moved in and were renovating a house to be their business. They were opening a window cleaning business and the boy shows them a house that really needs it since there are several hundred windows and they all live happily ever after cleaning these windows.

It was short, which was good since there was zero plot for this kids book, and I liked it. It was cute and Daryl liked the bits about the animals.

the-giraffe-and-the-pelly-and-me.jpg

James and the Giant Peach—Roald Dahl

Again, being a kid of the 90s I watched the movie version of this first and I believe I thought it was super creepy.

The book however was quite sweet. The story is, of course, that James’ parents die, he moves in with his terrible aunts, they mistreat him, magic makes a peach grow alongside a bunch of bugs in the area, and adventure begins as the aunts are bowled over by the oversized peach.

I really liked this one, it had funny jokes, wordplay, and I learned some interesting information on bugs.

Definitely a good book for any age child.

James-and-the-Giant-Peach.jpg

The Witches—Roald Dahl

Hey there, here’s another for the list of things not to read to children.

Firstly, I don’t know why the hell I thought Roald Dahl WASN’T going to be a big creep. The descriptions alone should’ve made me turn away from reading these to a two year old.

I mean, the book is called “The Witches”. I should’ve known.

But hey. Live and learn, right?

Short, creepy, and full of witches, mice, and mayhem, this book is about a kid who discovers real witches and learns from his grandmother how to fight them off.

The problem is: Witches look like any normal person.

In the beginning of the book Dahl goes on to give you a list of people who are likely witches, they are always women and could be anyone from your teacher to your mother to the person reading the book right now. And then goes on to describe how you can tell who is a witch and who isn’t.

The only saving grace I had working with this book was that Daryl would fall asleep pretty easily during it. And that I would use a witch hand to tickle him so that it wasn’t so terrifying.

Good for older kids I suppose.

If you hate them and want to give them nightmares.

51YpY9BT-PL.jpg

Classic, Kids Books

The BFG–Roald Dahl

The kid and I have moved on from short baby stories for the soul purpose of helping me to not keep reading the same story over and over again at nap time.

Thus taking us over to his sisters collection of Roald Dahl books that I thought would be a safe bet when reading to a child.

I was wrong.
The Big Friendly Giant was pretty interesting… in that it made it sound like kids being snatched from their beds in the middle of the night and gobbled up by monsters was just an ordinary event.

I actually found this one a little scary, especially for the kid. At the time he was just two years old so it was normal for me to keep censoring the scary bits where if a kid sees a shadow outside the window it’s likely to be something coming to eat him.

Definitely for ages 7 and up.

But otherwise, I really liked the storyline. I liked that it all started out so simply, a little girl sees a giant with a horn blowing something into kids windows. She follows him and it is found out that he was blowing nice dreams into the kids heads while they slept. Meanwhile his fellow giants were stealing kids from their beds all over the world and eating them like jelly beans.

The BFG doesn’t like that so the pair decide to stop them all once and for all.

They end up contacting the Queen of England through a dream and she helps to secure her nation and the world.

The word play in this book was fun, the story was sweet (even if a little too sinister for a toddler), and I’m glad I’m reading up on some kids classics that I wouldn’t have otherwise gotten to read.

The_BFG_(Dahl_novel_-_cover_art).jpg