Summer Reads

Hello Puny Humans:

I have a pile of reviews building that go as far back as two summers ago. Yeesh.

Here’s the thing with life: Stuff happens to you and then other things are forgotten about.

These books weren’t one of those things, but reviewing them was. Typical me.

But here you go! Time to really start to catch up!

The Single Girl’s To-Do List–Lyndsey Kelk

A decent summer book, I gave it three stars which means it was just good and I would pass it on to someone going on vacation to read at the beach. 

It’s about a make up artist girl who gets dumped and goes on the classic journey of self discovering all people who go through heartbreaking time go through only to make it out on the other side happier and healthier. 

She makes a list of things she always wanted to do while in a relationship but couldn’t because she was being stifled without knowing it. 

The list includes a make over (she always wore leggings and plain t-shirts…nothing wrong with that!), and getting drunk, going on a trip, and other typical things like that that would make a cute Katherine Heigl movie. 

51j1HtIrbIL._SX328_BO1,204,203,200_

The Wedding–Nicholas Sparks

When I start reading Nicholas Sparks books I’m always in a mood already. Y’all know what I’m talking about:

You’re looking for a romance but you also know someone is going to fucking eat it in this book in an unexpected way that just makes you mad in the first place because all you were looking for was a fucking romance novel that’s predictable and lovely with a dynamic couple that you just want them to be happy at the end. But no. Nicholas Sparks likes to fuck with us. 

He’s an asshole. 

However, I gave this 4 stars out of 5 which means I absolutely adored this book. Which means (and I can’t actually remember this) someone likely didn’t fucking die at the end in a real weird twist of events! 

So, this is a sequel of sorts to The Notebook (and if you never read that, you should because duh.) and it’s about Allie and Noah’s son Wilson who has let the romance die in his marriage and he didn’t even notice. His daughter is getting married and he’s finally facing the facts of his own marriage. It was a really sweet story, of course, and shows that you can make a comeback even from an indifferent marriage. 

I really liked the message of this book. A lot of people could benefit from this story. 

3466

Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date–Katie Heaney

This book is very special to me, and I’m betting you can guess why given the title of it. 

I always enjoy when I find fellow “weirdos” or people that I can actually relate to when it comes to stuff like this. 

This book was very well written, and hilarious, and made me feel a lot less isolated in my singledom. I am not alone in this compartment of life and that means so much to me. 

Even if I don’t actually know this person. 

(And if I know for a fact that this woman is now in a committed relationship because I follow her on Instagram haha. They look very happy together by the way! Gives me hope.)

Definitely read this even if you are in a committed relationship because it’s just such a great story/memoir on this woman’s life. And if you don’t know how to commiserate or even understand the single people in your life: this will help. 

17159009

Melissa Explains It All–Melissa Joan Hart

Another unexplainable autobiography that I picked up at a thrift store. 

To be fair though: I was obsessed with Clarissa Explains it All and Sabrina the Teenage Witch when I was younger. 

Always have been dyyyyying for magical powers. Even if it’s not with a wand but with the tip of my finger. 

(That sounded pervy, but you’re with me.) 

Melissa Joan Hart has always been a favourite of mine, I’ve even watched ‘Melissa and Joey’ and genuinely liked it. (I don’t know why I said that like it’s a terrible show. It’s a hilarious and cute show.)

So why would I be like “Why would I read this autobiography?”…probably because I didn’t actually give two rats poops about the actual actresses life. Like I’m happy if she’s happy but I don’t need a background check, you know? 

But here I am. I’ve read the book, read her life, and now I DO give two rat poops about her life. 

Especially since she’s led an interesting and dynamic life. 

Who knew I would care so much that one of her boyfriend was a complete and total asshole? Or how happy I would be when she found the love of her life? Or that her families life would grip me so hard? 

I don’t know who I am anymore. But here we are and I loved the book. Even if you aren’t a fan, it’s an interesting behind the scenes of the movie industry. 

51LJbbW4BKL._SX329_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg

The Rules According to JWowW–Jenni Farley

Guys…I know you know me in a sense. You know I read these types of books out of sheer curiosity and a sickness that I can only justify as “I need to know why this person thinks they can write a book and how on earth did it get published and who the hell reads this and takes this seriously and oh my god am I that person? No. No I’m not that person, I have a good head on my shoulders, I know this is pure nonsense. Everything will be fine. This is just a trashy summer book.”

Well fuck was I wrong.

I’ll admit it, as we all should: I judge books by their cover.

Just books, not people calm down.

Except…this books cover is a picture of JWowW dressed like a sexy teacher so maybe I was judging her a bit.

Except…that I kind of love everything she is about in real life.

Okay, now you’re just judging me. Ah well! She’s a no-nonsense mom who loves her body,  who can argue with that? (Especially since she’s definitely the type of person who would clock you. I’ve seen it. On tv. I watch Jersey Shore. OH SHUT UP OKAY.)

Anyway. This book was surprising! Because it wasn’t pure trash. It wasn’t like the dumb and painful Situations book. It wasn’t a trashy summer book written about two girls on the Jersey Shore like Snooki’s.

The cover leads you to believe it’ll be just about sex. You would think that she would give advice about like…boning and you’re done.

But in reality, she gave sound advice on how to treat people like people and with respect and how to behave in a relationship. And how NOT to talk to people like an asshole. It was really nice actually.

You would never get that given the cover, but I’m actually glad that I read this.

And that’s really all I have to say about that.

9636127

 

I Still Shouldn’t Drink While I Read.

Or forget to post things for basically an entire year thus making it impossible for me to review books I read two summers ago.

But here we are.

What to say of these three books? Full Tilt, Full Speed, and Full Blast by Janet Evanovich and Charlotte Hughes.
These stories follow the people of Beaumont, North Carolina. There are twists and turns and fun and sexy men.

What’s not to like?

I always enjoy Janet’s books, but ultimately because they are so airy and easy, I forget them. I just remember this feeling of joy and laughter after they are done.

I definitely recommend them, they are always cute and have great characters in them.

I just forget them once they are done. Fantastic summer beachy books.

Constant vigilance!

 

Full House–Janet Evanovich & Charlotte Hughes

I need you to not judge me about these books.

Well, actually, no I don’t. I found them enjoyable and light and fun. Great summer books, shenanigan type plot, and romance thrown in.

My favourite kind of book!

So the start of this series is written about Billie Pearce, a single, divorced, mother of two, and a polo instructor Nicholas Kaharchek. Billie lets Nicks cousin DeeDee live with her while her kids are away for the summer, and all hell breaks loose.

It was funny and silly and just the kind of thing you need when you are day drinking at the cottage and warm in the sunshine and don’t want too heavy of a plot dragging you down.

That’s my favourite thing about Janet Evanovich books, they are clever while still being readable, and have adventure and thrills without being dragged down by clinical terms or police driven plots, and have romances that feel like that’s how they would actually happen, not the kind where they are running towards each other on a beach. (If that ever did happen you better believe that one of them trips and gets a face full of sand.)

Good old fashioned fun books.

janet

Happy V-Day!

Okay ladies now let’s get in formation.

Cuz we slay.

Another year single, another year ready for a pringle. Am I right?

Look, there are only so many ways that I can try to make you feel better about being single with me. Over the years I have written about what not to do to your single friends, I’ve given you the option of dating fictional men instead of real men, I’ve sent you a Valentine with David Tennant, I’ve made you collages, I’ve made romantic book lists.

I’m one hell of a Valentine if you ask me. Because for the people I care about I also bake things and drink wine with them and have a Galentine’s day if it’s on a weekend.

Damn. I’m so romantic and I didn’t even notice.

This year though, I thought I would try something different.

Online dating.

JUST KIDDING THAT’S THE WORST. *laugh crying emoji*

Here’s what I would like to say to you this year:

Treat yo self.

That’s right. I’ve decided (since I’ve turned 30 and ain’t nobody putting a ring on this finger any time soon.) that I will date myself, so to speak. In that I now buy myself relatively expensive presents for my big events.

Because I’m going to die alone in a pile of dogs. #livingthedream

This year I have my eye on a sweet purse that has bananas on it. Because I’m an adult.

You know you’re awesome, you have to by now because I’ve been convincing you for years. You hustle like a champ and all the good things will come your way. And if they don’t, then they weren’t meant for you.

Love isn’t something that is to be forced, it will show up when it is meant to happen and the only thing to do in the meantime is live your life the way you want to because someday you’ll be knee deep in a relationship and these days are the ones you’ll look back on and think “Yeah. I set myself up to be who I want to be and that’s what got me here.”

Or you’ll think “Man. I miss when I could sit around with no pants on and I only had to forage for food for one person.” If you’re lucky, your future significant other will also like not wearing pants while watching TV and will be the kind of person who buys surprise pizzas instead of flowers.

Because flowers are the goddamn dumbest thing to bring a person. Stop bringing things home that can die, bring home things we can eat. (I know you feel me ladies!)

Romantic entanglements aren’t the only things that matter in life. You do you girl!

Man, sometimes I get really serious.

Probably because I hate when I chirp myself for being single so I get mad when I think others are doing it to themselves! Good thing I have some friends who are good with throwing encouragement at me like it’s a confetti parade and give me a hard slap of reality when I need it.

Happy Valentines Day you sons of bitches.

Use the search button to find other such inspirational posts from years of yore. It’s worth it. But I’m biased because I wrote them.

Ballroom Blitz

I’ve been pretty busy these last few mon–years. Things have gotten out of control and I’m only JUST starting to patch things together to make them workable.

One of those things being writing “reviews”, which at this point they are more or less just blurbs on like “Read it if you feel like it” and “HOLY HELL THIS BOOK WAS AMAZING”. Either way, things have gotten pretty laissez-faire around here. Which was my whole life until I realized that I needed to pull myself together because I’m reviewing books from last summer and I have no clue what to write about them.

Which is why I labelled this segment: Ballroom Blitz.

Because I’m going to throw a bunch of tentatively labelled “reviews” at you.

Bunheads–Sophie Flack

‘Bunheads’ was on my summer reading list last year it was a nice beach book for sure.

Not intense in content, but still a decent story and plot. It’s about ballerinas, one in particular, and you follow their story of competitiveness, heartbreak, life, and their need to dance.

It was really well written (unlike these reviews), and I look forward to finding something else of hers in the future.

Definitely take this on a trip with you.

10757749._UY275_SS275_.jpg

The Invisible Ones–Stef Penney

This book was pretty decent given that I didn’t know what I was walking into. The plot centres around gypsies and their lifestyle, but only because one of them goes missing and a cop is trying to suss out what happened.

It was well written and I look forward to reading some of the authors others books.

I liked reading about gypsies, and I enjoyed the characters and the plot twists.

Definitely a good mystery for anyone looking for one.

61gubqatrkl-_sy344_bo1204203200_

The Night We Said Yes–Lauren Gibaldi 

This book was sent in one of my OwlCrate boxes, I was interested in reading it since it was all about how these people spent a night (you guessed it) saying ‘Yes’ to everything.

It was a silly story and definitely more for teens than even Young Adults. I’m neither, but still, it should’ve had a little more juice to it. It barely had any meat on its bones, and it was the first book from OwlCrate that I was really really disappointed in.

Handed it off to head to a thrift store. Hopefully some tween will enjoy it more than I did.

23287168.jpg

Next week will focus solely on Roald Dahl’s works.

Constant vigilance!