Comedy, romance novels

Full House–Janet Evanovich & Charlotte Hughes

I need you to not judge me about these books.

Well, actually, no I don’t. I found them enjoyable and light and fun. Great summer books, shenanigan type plot, and romance thrown in.

My favourite kind of book!

So the start of this series is written about Billie Pearce, a single, divorced, mother of two, and a polo instructor Nicholas Kaharchek. Billie lets Nicks cousin DeeDee live with her while her kids are away for the summer, and all hell breaks loose.

It was funny and silly and just the kind of thing you need when you are day drinking at the cottage and warm in the sunshine and don’t want too heavy of a plot dragging you down.

That’s my favourite thing about Janet Evanovich books, they are clever while still being readable, and have adventure and thrills without being dragged down by clinical terms or police driven plots, and have romances that feel like that’s how they would actually happen, not the kind where they are running towards each other on a beach. (If that ever did happen you better believe that one of them trips and gets a face full of sand.)

Good old fashioned fun books.

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Keep Moving Forward, Love Story, romance novels, True Story

Happy V-Day!

Okay ladies now let’s get in formation.

Cuz we slay.

Another year single, another year ready for a pringle. Am I right?

Look, there are only so many ways that I can try to make you feel better about being single with me. Over the years I have written about what not to do to your single friends, I’ve given you the option of dating fictional men instead of real men, I’ve sent you a Valentine with David Tennant, I’ve made you collages, I’ve made romantic book lists.

I’m one hell of a Valentine if you ask me. Because for the people I care about I also bake things and drink wine with them and have a Galentine’s day if it’s on a weekend.

Damn. I’m so romantic and I didn’t even notice.

This year though, I thought I would try something different.

Online dating.

JUST KIDDING THAT’S THE WORST. *laugh crying emoji*

Here’s what I would like to say to you this year:

Treat yo self.

That’s right. I’ve decided (since I’ve turned 30 and ain’t nobody putting a ring on this finger any time soon.) that I will date myself, so to speak. In that I now buy myself relatively expensive presents for my big events.

Because I’m going to die alone in a pile of dogs. #livingthedream

This year I have my eye on a sweet purse that has bananas on it. Because I’m an adult.

You know you’re awesome, you have to by now because I’ve been convincing you for years. You hustle like a champ and all the good things will come your way. And if they don’t, then they weren’t meant for you.

Love isn’t something that is to be forced, it will show up when it is meant to happen and the only thing to do in the meantime is live your life the way you want to because someday you’ll be knee deep in a relationship and these days are the ones you’ll look back on and think “Yeah. I set myself up to be who I want to be and that’s what got me here.”

Or you’ll think “Man. I miss when I could sit around with no pants on and I only had to forage for food for one person.” If you’re lucky, your future significant other will also like not wearing pants while watching TV and will be the kind of person who buys surprise pizzas instead of flowers.

Because flowers are the goddamn dumbest thing to bring a person. Stop bringing things home that can die, bring home things we can eat. (I know you feel me ladies!)

Romantic entanglements aren’t the only things that matter in life. You do you girl!

Man, sometimes I get really serious.

Probably because I hate when I chirp myself for being single so I get mad when I think others are doing it to themselves! Good thing I have some friends who are good with throwing encouragement at me like it’s a confetti parade and give me a hard slap of reality when I need it.

Happy Valentines Day you sons of bitches.

Use the search button to find other such inspirational posts from years of yore. It’s worth it. But I’m biased because I wrote them.

Fiction, Teen

Ballroom Blitz

I’ve been pretty busy these last few mon–years. Things have gotten out of control and I’m only JUST starting to patch things together to make them workable.

One of those things being writing “reviews”, which at this point they are more or less just blurbs on like “Read it if you feel like it” and “HOLY HELL THIS BOOK WAS AMAZING”. Either way, things have gotten pretty laissez-faire around here. Which was my whole life until I realized that I needed to pull myself together because I’m reviewing books from last summer and I have no clue what to write about them.

Which is why I labelled this segment: Ballroom Blitz.

Because I’m going to throw a bunch of tentatively labelled “reviews” at you.

Bunheads–Sophie Flack

‘Bunheads’ was on my summer reading list last year it was a nice beach book for sure.

Not intense in content, but still a decent story and plot. It’s about ballerinas, one in particular, and you follow their story of competitiveness, heartbreak, life, and their need to dance.

It was really well written (unlike these reviews), and I look forward to finding something else of hers in the future.

Definitely take this on a trip with you.

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The Invisible Ones–Stef Penney

This book was pretty decent given that I didn’t know what I was walking into. The plot centres around gypsies and their lifestyle, but only because one of them goes missing and a cop is trying to suss out what happened.

It was well written and I look forward to reading some of the authors others books.

I liked reading about gypsies, and I enjoyed the characters and the plot twists.

Definitely a good mystery for anyone looking for one.

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The Night We Said Yes–Lauren Gibaldi 

This book was sent in one of my OwlCrate boxes, I was interested in reading it since it was all about how these people spent a night (you guessed it) saying ‘Yes’ to everything.

It was a silly story and definitely more for teens than even Young Adults. I’m neither, but still, it should’ve had a little more juice to it. It barely had any meat on its bones, and it was the first book from OwlCrate that I was really really disappointed in.

Handed it off to head to a thrift store. Hopefully some tween will enjoy it more than I did.

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Next week will focus solely on Roald Dahl’s works.

Constant vigilance!

 

Uncategorized

Esio Trot–Roald Dahl

I have major fucking beef with this book .

Which is absurd considering it’s a kids book. But hear me out.

This story is about a man, Mr Hoppy, who is in love with his downstairs neighbour, Mrs. Silver. They chat whenever they see each other on their balconies for brief moments. The man is an older man who I don’t think had a job considering he was always at home.

Anyway, this lady has a tortoise, Alfie, she keeps on her balcony and is worried that he isn’t growing as much as he should be. So, seeing his opening, the man upstairs tells her that he has a fast growing method for the turtle. It’s an ancient spell and involves special food for the tortoise. She has to say this spell of ‘Esio trot’ to the tortoise every day and it’ll grow more and more.

The problem I have with this is that Mr Hoppy bought like 150 tortoises of varying age and size to swap out with the original tortoise. Every day he would switch them out for a bigger one.

He kept them all, no harm came to any of the tortoises. But still.

If I find out that someone I barely knew did this to impress me I’d be super angry. Call me unromantic if you will. But I’d demand to know where the fuck my actual tortoise that I had grown to love went! But I guess Mrs Silver is dumber and didn’t notice that the markings on her pet were different.

Which if she actually loved Alfie she would’ve noticed.

I hated everything about this book, but it was short so I finished it for the kid anyway. He didn’t seem to care, he fell asleep.

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romance novels

Shadow Spell–Nora Roberts

Shadow Spell is from the perspectives of Meara and Connor, Branna’s childhood friend and brother, as they go through the trials of fighting the ancient evil (still don’t remember his name haha) that has plagued the O’Dwyer family for centuries.

I definitely like this one better, I found this pair more realistic than the forced romance of Iona and Boyle.

Meara is a bit of a wild card and Connor isn’t exactly the worlds most consistent person, I just found their friendship and then romance more interesting than the last books.

And the actual plot was carried along nicely and didn’t feel like she was in a rush to give out all the information. Probably because she was in the last one so she could get to the good stuff.

This series definitely grew on me.

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romance novels

Dark Witch–Nora Roberts

This lovely set of romance novels was from my Grandmother on my last birthday, who said “I thought you would like these. They are about witches and magic. And I’ve heard there’s not much dirty stuff in it. So it’s not weird that I’m giving them to you.”

To which I replied “What’s the point if there is no dirty stuff in them?!”

And she swatted at me and called me a ‘Dirty bird’.

She was right though, they weren’t too dirty.

This one was kind of boring actually. I just wanted them to hump and get it over with!

This is the story of cousins who are fighting an age old demon, curse, and family blight.

Which I actually forget his name. I think it starts with a ‘D’…

Anyway. This book fell flat for me just because I don’t like Iona. (The lead in this novel.) She says everything she thinks and none of it seems too bright. She expects a quiet angry man to just start emoting the second they meet and it just all felt forced, too fast for a relationship, and all around pointless for the plot.
Sure, it’s great to see people fall in love, but I could never tell if this book was taking place over months or weeks, it wasn’t the greatest read.

Saying that, the series DID eventually grow on me.

Tune in next week.

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