The Wizard of Oz-L. Frank Baum

I was inspired to read this after I had watched Supernaturals episode with Dorothy in it. (If you aren’t watching this show by now you are completely insane. …Then again, you are completely insane if you DO watch that show because it drives you to that. Kind of like how The Walking Dead makes you so paranoid during the episodes that it lingers long after. And how you start to strategize your survival.)

Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this, it was a little different than the movie of course, but overall it was a decent book and I look forward to reading the rest of the series of these. (Which I didn’t know that’s what they were! But yay! I love when that happens!)

In case you are wondering why lately all my posts are either clumped together or super short, it’s because I’m a fool and didn’t write them as I read, I’m writing this review about 8 months after I’ve read this book. I’ll try to be better so these are more interesting haha. Sorry.

This is a definite good book to read though! So give it a shot!

(#12 A Book With A Lion, Witch, or Wardrobe 26BooksWithBringingUpBurns 2015: You may be wondering why I didn’t just read the Narnia book, but it’s because I already have and I knew I would get sucked into the series if I started the first one!)

Constant vigilance.

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You’re Never Weird on the Internet (Almost)–Felicia Day

I feel like I read a bunch of books all in a row that made me feel better as a human being. That made me want to TRY harder as a human being. And that made me realize that I am becoming my best self even if I’m scared to death half the time about never amounting to anything.

Felicia Day has anxiety and certain things become very addictive for her as well. (IE. She was addicted to World of Warcraft for three years and did little else. Hello Sims.)

This book made me feel so good about feeling like the Fraud Police are always after me if I do something good or productive for my future and suddenly I’m hit with that overwhelming feeling of ‘I have NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING. Let’s go ease this anxiety by avoiding all things productive and essential.’

She did it too. And she managed to overcome it enough that she can live the life she wants.

I met her in the summer at the signing for this book and she’s just as lovely and sweet as you imagine she will be. She also told me she really likes my hair. (Which was nice since I thought it looked like garbage that day and I had just recently chopped it all off.)

Anyway, if you are feeling like you don’t belong, trying to get your act together, or just want to be embraced by the words of Felicia Day, this is for you.

I will probably read it every couple of years just to help me better understand myself and move forward.

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Not the best representation of my hair that day. But who cares. I met a hero.

Constant vigilance.

Keep Moving Forward: Two Weeks

As if it’s been two weeks since I had to say goodbye to Doomsday. I said I was going to talk about it sooner, but I wasn’t quite ready for it.

It’s been a very weird experience, and I think I finally understand what people are talking about when they say “loss”. I used to be like “You didn’t lose that person or pet! You know where they went! To The Death! You didn’t lose them in a mall, they are gone, but not lost.”

And I think that’s a very important distinction sure, but with her being gone there are several things that are lost in the wind as her body is gone but her soul remained within me.

I haven’t felt such sadness since my dog Envy was gone. And I genuinely thought that was top level sadness.

Now, Doomsday was called a lot of things in her time and I was called a lot of things because of my love for her. (Ie. “Crazy” “Obsessed” “Nutbag”) But there is one thing that people kept saying to me about her and our life together when I would tell them that I needed to get home to see her or that I wanted to hang out with her in the evenings instead of socialize with human beings.

She was called “Just a rabbit”.

Oh hell no.

Any living creature is never “just” anything. If that creature is loved and can be loved then they are JUST amazing and wonderful.

Never step up to me and call any of my animal family members JUST my dogs. Or JUST my rabbit. Or JUST my little sister.

How dare you. Sir.

Let me tell you why I’m grieving so hard for this rabbit:

Because I love her.

No past tense. I still love her. That love doesn’t leave just because she is no longer physically here.

If anything, it magnified and reminded me of what our love was and what it had grown into.

That girl had personality. If she didn’t like something she let you know. (Sound familiar?) The vet told me last year that she has never seen a rabbit with more personality in their eyes. She was spewing pure venom because we were getting her cysts drained and she hated that.

There are things that I miss so damn much about her already. Mainly the things that irritated the fuck out of me when she was here.

That water bottle noise.

Anyone who has a small pet that lives in a cage knows what I’m talking about. That stupid noise was like a beacon to let me know she was still there. And now it’s gone and I can’t sleep. I’ve had to have a couple of naps when Daryl naps because I’m so exhausted during the day.

After almost 8 years together that noise had been my lullaby and now it’s missing and I haven’t gone to bed on time or even in the near vicinity of 10 pm for the last two weeks.

I also miss her rubbing her face on my ankles to claim me. And I hate when people touch my ankles. But with her it was sweet. Even though sometimes she would get on my ankle and I would be terrified that she would hump me. (We never got that far because she tickled so much. And it’s fucking creepy as all hell.)

I miss kisses. Bunny kisses are unicorn magic because that’s how they REALLY express love.

This has been one of the harder times of my life just because I had to go through cleaning her stuff out of my room. And there was a lot more than I thought. For such a small being she had a lot of stuff. Including the carpet in my room because she hated to run around on the wood floor. Everything in my room was set up to protect her or protect the thing from chewing that thing.

My room has a giant void.

I moved her stuff out earlier than I probably would have for two reasons:

  1. Dexter (who was her friend and is a our Doodle) keeps looking for her in the cage and can’t relax in my room. It was confusing both the dogs.

2)Every time I looked at the empty cage I started crying. While crying it out is good, I didn’t want to do it every ten seconds while trying to get anything accomplished in my room.

And I had so many weird habits that included her in my life. Like coming into the room at the end of the day and saying “Hello Cuckoo.” or when I was leaving I would make a weird noise and bunny ears at her. Even just facing my laptop over so she could watch Supernatural with me.

Have I mentioned I’m insane?

My guts hurt still hurt and I don’t know how I’ll handle having to pick her up from the vet in a new sort of carrying case. (Ie. An urn. Yes, I’m that crazy person who gets their pet cremated.)

I miss kisses, and snuggles, and even her nipping me to pay attention to her, I miss her angry stomps and funny noises, and chasing each other, and how funny she was when she would jump on my bed or whip around in excitement.

Bunnies are the best. She was the best. And it was so hard to hold her tiny body in my arms and listen to the vet say the most difficult words “She’s gone.” to me.

But now I’ll have to keep moving forward without her. So I’ve come up with a way of dealing…which is that she is now my Patronus. When I’m sad or anxious or darkness is coming over me, I just picture her as her black form with the smoke of a Patronus hopping around me to protect me. Now I just assume her spirit is trailing after me and seeing the world instead of just my bedroom.

Fingers crossed.

This is our first day together. So tiny! Fit into my hand! (And used to sit on my shoulders like a parrot haha)

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Keep Moving Forward: Hey sister, Soul sister.

I mentioned earlier this week that I’ve been doing some self love stuff.

Now, I’ve been following the lights one of my friends is leaving on her path, I’m not sticking completely to her road since I like to make my own, and I know that following other peoples journeys isn’t mine, but here is her link if you want to follow her and become a Starlit Soul! 

So, I’ve struggled with the normal things like self doubt and self esteem issues, body issues, being a lady, being a tomboy, being a nerd, and just plain old being human. It makes sense that at some point I would start looking for something that would make me feel more connected to the earth, that would make me feel more alive and just… well with the world.

I’ve always been interested in soul stuff, I am a Catholic, I love God, I love love, I love the universe and all it’s brought me. I don’t denounce my religion in the least while I’m searching for other ways to connect myself mind, body, and mainly spirit to the universe. Just sayin’, you can be into your religion and still practice these things because they are just making you more attached to the good stuff and making you a better version of yourself, which is what God is looking for, yes?

So, while I’m not completely like HEY GOD LOOK AT ME AREN’T I A GOOD GIRL?! HEY GOD! HEEEEEEY GOOOOOOOOOOD! I’m still like Yo, bro. See what I did there? Thanks for helping.

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I’m just using the tools the big guy gave me. Which is me and the earth.

I have been working with crystals, not intensely, but I’ve been testing out their magical powers. They do not glow. Just so you know. Which is kind of disappointing. But they do make me feel better, some intensify my energy, some sooth it, and all just make me feel more connected.

Can I say “connected” more? Haha.

Anyway, all of the trying-to-get-magical-powers aside, I’ve been working mainly on affirmations and self healing via self love.

I’m a negative person in my mind when I talk to myself, I’m not particularly kind when I look in a mirror at what I’ve done to my pet body, I yell at myself when I’m working out and calling myself names.

So what do you do when you can’t even stand yourself anymore? When you are bullying yourself to the point of depression, weight gain, blah blah blah? (Old record screeches.)

Toss some glitter bitches.

Reading Heathers stuff it made me see the similarities in how we were treating ourselves and that we were heading in the same direction towards this our entire lives.

While she was quietly contemplating her own self esteem issues and confidence, I was quietly doing the same.

I’ve never properly fit in with people, and in a sea of faces that barely registered my specialness here was a soul that pinged with mine when we were teenagers and even though circumstances led us down different paths away from each other, we’ve somehow met back up on this road. It was inevitable.

I’ve often thought about a pivotal moment in my high school years that she was there to witness and partake in. (Likely without knowing it.)

I’m not so good with the mathy math, instead of studying I would write my friends notes and was far more interested in trying to get guys to acknowledge how pretty AND funny I am. (I’ve gotten over that.) So in the 9th grade, one of my most important moments came when I was FINALLY in a drama class. I was finally where I was supposed to be. I was doing something that made sense. And this all came to me as I was yelling jibberish into Heathers face, as she was trying to do that same, and laughing so hard my guts felt like they were on fire with purpose.

I’ve always known that if I had just stayed in that class that I would have gained more confidence in myself, I would’ve bloomed like a son of a bitch, and been more in tune with my body.

But I did this to myself and I was forced out of there into another math class because I failed and spent the rest of the semester having my mind be like “I’m just going to sit in the corner and talk about how stupid you are.”

My soul hid behind her.

It took me years to work through all of that and now I’m so grateful that Heather is back again and helping me to work through the damage that I did to myself all those years ago.

But to be fair, I failed the first math class with like a 48%…what kind of turd blossom doesn’t give a kid a second chance and extra credit when they are that close? Even my bitchy French teacher did that for me and she hated me and I hated her. So what the hell?!

Anyway…common sense aside, I was supposed to be telling you about my current self love healing technique.

Now, I have a handful of affirmations that I think are both hilarious and make me feel powerful.

“I am mighty.” Is one. And it both makes me think of being strong and Firefly. Which also makes me feel powerful.

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“I am powerful.” Obvious.

“I am Thor!” Okay. That ones a little off, but he is also mighty and powerful, so give me a break. And look at this guy? Don’t you want to feel as powerful as he looks?

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“I am fantastic!”

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And while affirmations are the greatest, I’ve basically taught myself this fun, and slightly flirtatious, thing that I do before I get into the shower.

And I only do this before I get into the shower because I’m already naked.

I start from the top of my head and work my way down to my toes and touch on every body part and tell myself either that I love that body part or something I love about that body part. And honestly? It feels like I’m flirting with myself, and it makes me feel good because I love me.

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Instead of focusing negative energy and thoughts at my body when I’m naked, I ignore those and think of stuff that is positive and loving.

That’s what I do for me, that’s what I do for my body and heart, and I think that’s what God would want. He’d want me to love every part of me! And I’m really starting to because of this.

Earth hippie warrior goddess glitter sparkle ramalamadingdong out!

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Keep moving forward. 🙂

Spellbound–Kelley Armstrong

Another Savannah-centric book, and I really loved it. I think I just understand where are her worries and fears come from and that makes me really get her.

Plus she is also sarcastic and sassy and doesn’t take anybodies shit, so I love that about her too.

Although she can hold her own, her best friend, and potential lover hopefully someday, Adam, is sticking by her side like glue.

The reason? Savannahs spells were taken away when she made the “terrible” mistake of wishing that she would give them up if it meant helping a little girl and her grandmother.

Doesn’t really sound like Savannah, but she’s growing as a person and showed signs of this sort of things early on in the last book. (She used to be a petulant child who thought sneakily torturing humans was funny because she was, quite obviously, superior to them.)

In this book, her spells have vanished which means that she needs to learn to fight without them. Hell, she needs to learn how to live normally without them because they aren’t showing any signs of coming back.

There is an oncoming storm afoot, all our favourites are in danger.

Stayed tuned for the final novel in the series.

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